Talked to ex wife yesterday

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hey guys after a few days of feeling crappy and sad, Missing my exgf. My ex wife and I somehow got to talking about my breakup with BPD ex . I've never mentioned anything to her about my exgf and breakup, after all I left my marriage for her. Anyway we got to texting and I explained what happened . She told me she wasn't surprised and described the relationship almost exactly. She told me she wants me to be happy and i should move on. Also, while I knew my exgf was older than me by 7 years she enlightened me to the fact that she is at least 52, which surprised me. She told me years ago when she caught me cheating she did an Internet search and found some info. Lol. Anyway for some strange reason I felt better after the conversation.

[Bigmd]

Hey guys after a few days of feeling crappy and sad, Missing my exgf. My ex wife and I somehow got to talking about my breakup with BPD ex . I've never mentioned anything to her about my exgf and breakup, after all I left my marriage for her. Anyway we got to texting and I explained what happened . She told me she wasn't surprised and described the relationship almost exactly. She told me she wants me to be happy and i should move on. Also, while I knew my exgf was older than me by 7 years she enlightened me to the fact that she is at least 52, which surprised me. She told me years ago when she caught me cheating she did an Internet search and found some info. Lol. Anyway for some strange reason I felt better after the conversation.

[once removed]

glad to hear youre feeling better and felt validated, bigmd 

what was your takeaway from this conversation? what insight did you gain?

[Bigmd]

Well I got the feeling my ex wife was genuine when she said she wants me to be happy. I also think the age was a big issue with my exgf. We never talked about our age difference but I knew she was older. I didn't care . It wasn't unit a week after breakup that I brought up her age. She completely raged on me. Nothing I said would comfort her about her age. So confusing at he time.

[Confused108]

Big sorry your feeling a bit down. The holidays can have that effect on ppl. Especially after a breakup and having BPD to boot.  Is there any chance you might want to go back to your ex wife? I myself was in a similar situation that I have mentioned before. I was seperated from my wife when my ex from my teens came back and started all her BS with me again. I had no idea about BPD either. I myself feel hard for all her BS lies etc. I was all ready to end my marriage etc. for my ex from my past. But something told me not to. Thank God I listened. Myself and my wife are still seperated but working on us. For me it's a lesson learned . If my ex ever comes back ( I don't ever see that happening) I will turn her away. We all know u less they get help and majority don't want too, we can never have a healthy relationship with them. Hang in there man! Happy Holidays!

[Bigmd]

Hey confused thanks for he response. My ex wife just remarried in September , so no chance of me getting back . I never did want to anyway. After a 5 year affair I totally ruined my marriage. The funny thing is now sometimes when I'm home alone I do miss the whole family thing. The house feels very empty. I wonder how the hell my life turned out this way. It's very sad sometimes. My therapist says not only am I grieving my recent relationship but also my divorce . I never had a chance because I went right to dating my exgf. Confused your so right about the holidays. I can't help but think this time last year we were together exchanging gifts with her kids. It doesn't hurt as much anymore but it's still there. Sometimes I wish I could get amnesia and forget about her all together.

[Confused108]

Hey confused thanks for he response. My ex wife just remarried in September , so no chance of me getting back . I never did want to anyway. After a 5 year affair I totally ruined my marriage. The funny thing is now sometimes when I'm home alone I do miss the whole family thing. The house feels very empty. I wonder how the hell my life turned out this way. It's very sad sometimes. My therapist says not only am I grieving my recent relationship but also my divorce . I never had a chance because I went right to dating my exgf. Confused your so right about the holidays. I can't help but think this time last year we were together exchanging gifts with her kids. It doesn't hurt as much anymore but it's still there. Sometimes I wish I could get amnesia and forget about her all together.

I hear ya man. How long were you with your Bpdex before your final breakup? Did you see any warning signs that she was not right? I did to some extent with mine but I had no idea about BPD  and my ex told me from the beginning she was diagnosed as having Bipolar at 14 yrs. After all her push/ pull etc her behavior never sat well with me. Her actions/ her decisions were always changing constantly. Plans she made herself changing all the time. She kept pushing me to go for a "divorce". But I found it strange that she herself took 6 years to "divorce" her ex busband that she supposedly went back too after she dumped me. But meanwhile those 6 years she had a 2 yr relationship with some guy. And then had at this time last year a young 20 something ur old kid she meet on line stay with her for 10 days and had sex with him .When she got to m again sh told me this whole sob story of how she had to "get drunk" just to deal/sleep with him! Crazy man!  I read somewhere that these individuels with BPD like to go after those ppl tey just can't have. Like us the "married" ones. Once they have us they dump is like a hot potatoe. My ex even contacted my wife . Telling her I was sending her "help" articles on BPD! That I was trying to "help" her. How crazy is that? I dd send her a few email with articles on BPD because I belive she has been misdiagnosed as Bipolar. She asks my wife if I'm married to her and we are still together I should "back off " from her! So my wife knows all about our 2 month phone affair and in a educated manner told her off. My ex gets back an then says she also is in the "process" of getting back with her ex husband. I don't belive it. But whatever. I have no plans of ever contacting her again and I don't ever see her coming back. Lesson learned!

[Bigmd]

Met her 2009. She was my daughters daycare teacher. So yeah there was a red flag there. What started out as a fling turned into a full affair over the next few years. She too ssked me to divorce my wife. At the time i said no.I guess what I thought was her being mad at me for still being married were actually maybe BPD signs. There was push/pull. We'd have sex in afternoon and by night she would be mad and go silent. She would go silent out of no where for days. She physically pushed me out of her house. We broke up a lot only to get back together. And of course later on there was another guy in the picture. But he way she explained it was ,I was married so she was gonna date. Triangulation ?

       That drove me crazy and was beginning of the end of my marriage. She said she never did anything with that guy but I know now I don't know what to believe anymore. Anyway fast forward to 2013 and my divorce was final. It didn't take long for her first silent treatment. It was over a stupid argument and lasted a week. I was very confused. But she told me it was her way of dealing with me, she shuts down. That started a 1.5 years of the same. Criticism , jealousy , and the silent treatment . There was a time where she was ginna leave NJ if her daughter went to school out of state. She dropped that bomb on me at lunch. Then asked why i was upset? We had plans of marriage and buying a house. She always wanted to check my phone, ask who was texting , and always accuse me of checking out other girls. No matter how many times I said I wasn't or no girls are texting me.(I even let her see ) it wasn't good enough. There was also the rages in front of our kids or in Walmart , cursing and yelling at me. All things are thought were weird at the time or crazily enough thought I caused, are now things I believe are consistent with BPD.

             Our last argument was a result of her silent treatment. That ultimately led to her dumping me seemingly out of nowhere . Like I said too I had no idea about BPD. But did try to get her to go to therapy with me over the summer. She of course denied there was a problem and refused. When she called me one July afternoon to dump me, she said it wasn't the relationship she wanted. Lol. She yelled and I couldn't speak. Stating all my plans of a ring and marriage were just"talk". Lol. She called me cheap and immature. Also said I took her for granted. Couldn't be more opposite the truth, projection? I was the one that payed for every dinner, lunch, gifts or no reason, trip to Atlantic City fixed her daughters car.  Like everyone says these relationships are crazy making. I was fighting a battle I could never win. Nothing is ever good enough for them. And while I loved her and was crazy about her I'm not sure if I can say the same about her. I'll never know . I'm going on 6 months post breakup and spoke to her once through text in October. She was very cold but wanted to be friends. That was it for me. I don't think I will ever hear from her. So now while I'm getting better there are wounds far deeper than I ever thought. I still miss her but those sharp pains are gone. Though I am no where nere healed. I've been dating and having sex with girls but realized the other day I wasn't feeling better doing that. So I'm taking a break from all that. Sometimes I sit in my house and wonder what the heck did I do to my life? The silence is deafening. I even miss my ex wife sometimes. But life goes on. I do get excited sometimes that I do have a second chance but man! This girl really effed me up. Like you said , lesson learned. Merry Christmas

[Confused108]

I hear ya! All those things you just described was my ex too. She would be on my FB page and be accusing me of flirting with ppl who were just my friends period! Ppl I worked with , went to college with etc. He was very paranoid as well. She would tell me how she thought her own Mother was trying to "make" her ex husband! Crazy! Mine eneded us over a stupi little argument. And she told me thru an email no less. Didn't even have the decency to call me. And fighting with her was an uphill battle. She was always right never wrong . Talk about the Silent treatment! Yup got a lot of that too! She used to say to me she needed space and time. That was about every other week. I just wish the hell I knew about BPD before all this with her. Man I would have ran!

[Bigmd]

Yep silent treatment was the worst. It was very hard on me. Yet I still loved her, and today I also find myself missing her. So weird these relationships.