Hello there

[Msjules]

I guess i'll start at the beginning... .met a man and became involved 14 months ago. It has been the roller coaster ride from hell at times. He refuses to get professional help, but even my untrained eye can see he is pretty much textbook. The latest thing was he was "caught" doing something he knew would upset me and rather than take it he ran, ignored me for 3 days, and then dumped me because "he doesn't like my friends". Oh, and there is another issue, but won't tell me what. I have read a bunch of material and have gotten better about not taking things personal but darn, it's hard.  At this point I think I need to learn how to just stay away, if he refuses to see there is a problem, this life will never change. At the same time, when things are good they are soo amazing. We are a perfect match. Very hard to walk away from that.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome Msjules. Your story sounds familiar to many on this board. This is a great community for support and help. I would suggest by starting with the lessons on the right side of the page. Lots of good articles on how to help yourself stay sane and how to communicate better with your pwBPD.

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Msjules, 

I would like to join Chilibean13 and welcome you. 

I can completely relate to the rollercoaster ride. It is really difficult to deal with and I am sorry that you have been enduring it.   

Avoidance is a common behavior from a BPD sufferer. Commonly, people with BPD (pwBPD) have issues with shame and poor self-esteem. Instead of effectively facing those core issues, many times a pwBPD will avoid, suppress, or escape as a maladaptive coping mechanism.  What was he caught doing?

It is really hard to not take things personal, especially when the behavior appears to be incredibly personal. Learning about the behavior and radically accepting help with that. It is tough, I still have times where I feel hurt by behavior.  Have you had a chance to read about BPD behaviors?

[Msjules]

I have started reading a lot of different things, it's been very helpful. A very dear friend of mine has been a wonderful guide with this, as she also had a partner in the same boat. I intend on continuing my reading, even though as of now, the relationship is done. As far as getting caught... .he gave his ex a ride on the motorcyle. Not a deal breaker, but he was asked to not do that (long history he, she is a major troublemaker). He didn't "know how to tell me" so he didnt. She unblocked me, made stuff public, and made sure I saw it. Just all dumb stuff, and nothing I would've left over.