Breaking up and its hard

[Apricot6]

I am currently breaking up with someone who I suspect may have BPD. This site has been very helpful at helping me see things in a more balanced way. We were together 5 months and he seemed wonderful apart from weird tempers out of the blue which were like a different person and extremely hurtful and damaging. I recognised a pattern of abuse after a few of these events and after last event 3 weeks ago I finally decided I had to stay away. i have 2 children and I had introduced him into their lives so this has been very painful for all 3 of us. He has made contact both hostile and conciliatory. 2 nights ago he drove by my house and sent me an email from outside. I am both scared, heartbroken and also worried about him. I wish he could get help for this but know I can make no further contact with him even though my heart aches for him even after the horrible abuse and manipulation. I would so appreciate some advice and support I feel very alone and am finding it difficult to cope sometimes with the stress. Thank you.

[wakingfirst]

Hi Apricot6.  I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I think you need to trust your instincts on this.  I completely understand feeling worried for him, but there really is nothing you can do for him.  If you believe in prayer pray for him; if you believe in good vibes send him good vibes by the truckload.  But don't get in contact with him. 

Are you scared for your physical safety, or that of your children?  If so, is there anyone you can turn to for help and protection? 

Stress is hard; keep breathing.  Let your breath center you.

Do you have anyone nearby you can confide in?

Please keep posting and reading posts here!  I'm relatively new here myself, but these are good people.  They will help you.

We are all here for you.

[Apricot6]

Thanks wakingfirst. I am not afraid for physical safety. Yet. But found it intimidating that he came to my house at 10pm and emailed me from outside? It's very weird behaviour. I have good support network of my mum and sister. I am lucky in many ways. I saw it, called it and got out early. Still hard though. And since I am just discovering this personality disorder which I am pretty sure he's got I don't know what the consequences of the break up could be. How unstable can he get? He seemed so super normal when I met him.

[Lonely_Astro]

Thanks wakingfirst. I am not afraid for physical safety. Yet. But found it intimidating that he came to my house at 10pm and emailed me from outside? It's very weird behaviour. I have good support network of my mum and sister. I am lucky in many ways. I saw it, called it and got out early. Still hard though. And since I am just discovering this personality disorder which I am pretty sure he's got I don't know what the consequences of the break up could be. How unstable can he get? He seemed so super normal when I met him.

Depends.  Each one is different.  Some will simply go away, others will 'stalk' you for awhile and suddenly go away, some will keep calling/texting/emailing and you'll never see them again.  First, your physical safety is the most important thing.  At this point, never agree to see him (and if you must, do it in public with a lot of witnesses - this is for your safety all the way around).  If he has a Cluster B PD, he has the potential to be violent at any moment with the right stressors (even if he's never been so before).  So, now is the time to start being extra cautious.  I don't say that to scare you, but to reiterate how important it is to be vigilant right now.