New beginning if I can hold strong. Will require LC for a bit.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

After a long 3 years with my dBPD, my divorce was final on Friday.  It's been up, down, typical rollercoaster.  I feel destroyed and devastated.  I feel tired and fed up.  I feel sad and wistful.  Then I ask myself why?  Even though he did such sweet things, romantic little things most women dream about.  The flip side was hell.  My last encounter with him went like this... .no happy endings in these fairytales.

Yesterday morning, he had to be escorted off my property by the police.  He'd kept me up all night searching through my things and accusing me of having marks on my legs from garter belts... .keep in mind, he has barely worked since we've been together (3 years) and was home all day... .I had a 102 fever and was sick as hell so I had stayed home and lay on the couch all day and then went straight to bed... .he KNEW where I'd been.  I've never cheated.  This man was the love of my life.  He forced me to put on the garters he "knew" had left the marks (mind you it's 130 in the morning and I've been in bed for hours, they were sheet marks) and by forced me, I mean he physically put them on me even though my whole body hurt from being sick and I was feeling like crap.  He wouldn't leave me alone.  When he couldn't match up the marks, he tried another one, then another one.  Then, he started searching the bedroom.  He took my phone where I couldn't call the police and followed me when I got up to use the bathroom and even watched me pee.  When I begged him to let me go to sleep because I didn't feel good, he kept saying he was almost done and would let me.  I tried to go to the living room and sleep, but he wouldn't let me.  Pulled and pushed me back into the bedroom.  I tried to put the covers over my head to block out the light, but then he started talking and singing and whistling.  I couldn't take anymore.  When he finally gave my phone back at 5, I called and had them take him.  I had told him he could remain there until he could find a place as long as things stayed civil, but obviously, they weren't going to.

[wishfulthinking]

After a long 3 years with my dBPD, my divorce was final on Friday.  It's been up, down, typical rollercoaster.  I feel destroyed and devastated.  I feel tired and fed up.  I feel sad and wistful.  Then I ask myself why?  Even though he did such sweet things, romantic little things most women dream about.  The flip side was hell.  My last encounter with him went like this... .no happy endings in these fairytales.

Yesterday morning, he had to be escorted off my property by the police.  He'd kept me up all night searching through my things and accusing me of having marks on my legs from garter belts... .keep in mind, he has barely worked since we've been together (3 years) and was home all day... .I had a 102 fever and was sick as hell so I had stayed home and lay on the couch all day and then went straight to bed... .he KNEW where I'd been.  I've never cheated.  This man was the love of my life.  He forced me to put on the garters he "knew" had left the marks (mind you it's 130 in the morning and I've been in bed for hours, they were sheet marks) and by forced me, I mean he physically put them on me even though my whole body hurt from being sick and I was feeling like crap.  He wouldn't leave me alone.  When he couldn't match up the marks, he tried another one, then another one.  Then, he started searching the bedroom.  He took my phone where I couldn't call the police and followed me when I got up to use the bathroom and even watched me pee.  When I begged him to let me go to sleep because I didn't feel good, he kept saying he was almost done and would let me.  I tried to go to the living room and sleep, but he wouldn't let me.  Pulled and pushed me back into the bedroom.  I tried to put the covers over my head to block out the light, but then he started talking and singing and whistling.  I couldn't take anymore.  When he finally gave my phone back at 5, I called and had them take him.  I had told him he could remain there until he could find a place as long as things stayed civil, but obviously, they weren't going to.

[valet]

I'm so sorry wishfulthinking. That sounds awfully hard.