Love Avoident And Love Addict

[Kelli Cornett]

I think you can pretty much say NPD's are love avoident and BPD's are love addicts.


They come together it makes a mess.

[C.Stein]

I think you can pretty much say NPD's are love avoident and BPD's are love addicts.


They come together it makes a mess.

Avoidicts?

[Kelli Cornett]

I think you can pretty much say NPD's are love avoident and BPD's are love addicts.


They come together it makes a mess.

Avoidicts?

What?

[NCEA]

It's a joke. Good one.

I think you can pretty much say NPD's are love avoident and BPD's are love addicts.


They come together it makes a mess.

Avoidicts?

[C.Stein]

I think you can pretty much say NPD's are love avoident and BPD's are love addicts.


They come together it makes a mess.

Avoidicts?

What?

The merging of a NPD with a BPD.

[Fluff]

Interesting angle. I googled it and there's some nice pages on the subject. Here's one: www.healthymind.com/s-relationships.html

[Kelli Cornett]

Oh funny

[Kelli Cornett]

"Sex addicts seek to medicate their pain with episodes of sexual gratification, including promiscuity, using porn, exhibitionism, or voyeurism. Love addicts seek to get “high” through the intoxicating whirlwind of romance and relationships. Fantasy and emotional gratification play a huge role for the love addict, who can be either a man or a woman. Notions of finding a soul mate, living happily ever after, being swept off one’s feet, or having one’s breath taken away are common, emotionally addictive equivalents to a sex addict's compulsive sexual behaviors, such as masturbation. (People can be both sex and love addicts simultaneously, but may not be.)


Despite their deep longing for partnership, love addicts tend to be drawn to unavailable partners. These partners may exhibit what we call "love avoidance," which only motivates the love addict to pursue them more. The love addict seems to be addicted to their unfulfilled longing; they crave unrequited love. Terrified of abandonment, they still choose partners who will realize their deepest fear.

The love avoidant, however, seeks to control and manipulate others by withholding affection, attention, and sex. He or she is not inherently cruel; rather, the love avoidant is terrified of intimacy and cannot tolerate it. He or she may crave love, but when it comes knocking, the love avoidant runs like hell. He or she may exhibit repelling behaviors, such as criticism, passive-aggression, coldness, or the silent treatment to put up a wall. While the love addict may feel victimized by these displays of unkindness, the love avoidant also feels victimized. He or she experiences their partner to be smothering, clingy, and needy. Incapable of communicating healthy boundaries, the love avoidant withdraws.

These two dysfunctional relationship styles may continue their dance of pursuit and distancing for many years. To halt the cycle, several steps must be taken:

    Love addicts must learn to self-soothe and stand alone. They must take responsibility for their own happiness, and approach potential partners as companions, rather than saviors.

    Love avoidants must learn to express their vulnerability and allow themselves to receive affection without fear of engulfment. Instead of perceiving relationships to be an obligation, the love avoidant can eventually experience relationships as a healthy opportunity to give and receive love.


Much inner work must be done to uncover the origins of relational trauma. A knowledgeable, experienced therapist and a support group are invaluable.

When both of these individuals have overcome their personal struggles in this manner, true intimacy can finally result."

[Kelli Cornett]

I think a lot of people on here can relate to this.

[LostGhost]

My ex seems to be a love addict during idealization and love avoidant during devaluation. I've personally seen the cycle play out five times now and counting since our breakup. She will get into a new relationship, gush to everybody at work about her new partner and then a few weeks later it's a different partner. I feel pity for her.

[FannyB]

Excellent post. In my scenario, the love addict fought tooth and nail to make the love avoident partner commit. At the time the love avoident partner finally gave in and became love addicted, the original love addict miraculously became love avoident! 

What was excruciatingly painful at the time, now makes me chuckle with hindsight. 


Fanny

[VitaminC]

Maybe someone already said this or it's obvious; I'm thinking that sex addicts confuse love with sex ( BPDs) and love addicts confuse love with validation (NPDs).

That's one schema anyway. And applies to my circumstances - at the start anyway.

[VitaminC]

Excellent post. In my scenario, the love addict fought tooth and nail to make the love avoident partner commit. At the time the love avoident partner finally gave in and became love addicted, the original love addict miraculously became love avoident! 

What was excruciatingly painful at the time, now makes me chuckle with hindsight. 


Fanny

Yes, I think I recognise this myself.