Is it me?

[AlexAid]

I've been trying to get my so to realize she has a problem. Last night I found an online self quiz if i have BPD. I took it and sent her the link with the message that yay I don't have BPD. Half on jest because she and I know that my mother is uBPD.

She took the quiz and she passed as not BPD. Then we had an argument this morning about how selfish I am. After 30 minutes of arguing I feel crazy.

So now I don't know if it's me who has BPD, is it her, is the quiz flawed or of there's something else. I am now seriously doubting my sanity. Please help.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

I can imagine that it's frustrating not knowing which way is up in your life. What makes you think that you may have BPD? Why do you think your SO does?

An online quiz can give you an idea about what could be going on with you or your SO but if you truly believe that either of you have BPD the only way to know for sure is to talk to a psychologist.

[sweetheart]

Hi Alexaid, I see from your intro post, that you've been married 20 years, are doing the majority of parenting three teens so as to protect them emotionally from your w's issues, having difficulty at work and were brought up by a parent with BPD. Wow that's a lot to be dealing with!

The stress that BPD, diagnosed or not can bring to a relationship, can and does cause many of us here to doubt our sanity, you are not alone. Dealing with all that you are is emotionally overwhelming, soo

Focusing on your children and your well-being is going to keep you busy enough, if your w doesn't want to focus on her issues, as tough as it is that's her choice.

There are improvements you can make to how you feel over time by getting support for yourself and if you have time reading around the subject of BPD. The links over there ----> on the right are a great place to start. Take your time, and be kind to yourself by realising you can only change you. That's what this forum is about, you.

Talk to your counsellor about how you are feeling, your worries about your mood and how you are coping, and keep posting here we can support and listen too.

[Daisy23]

I believe that if you're asking this question it's a sign that you're not dealing with BPD. It is also a sign that you're feeling disturbed by certain interactions and are looking to understand more about this.

I read Wendy Beharry's book about narcissism and that shed light on really confusing issues in interactions with my husband and his family. For the first time I let myself see that my suffering in these relationships could be due to mental illness. Someone then recommended Randi Kreger's Stop Walking on Eggshells and that helped me understand and to see both myself as well as my husband with more compassion - it taught me that it is NOT me. It also taught me not to blame him.

That being said, I have learned from experience that the negative energy of someone with a personality disorder can affect us - that we can at times (especially before we understand the issue) act in ways that feel like we have BPD. When I didn't understand that my husband truly suffered from childhood trauma that changed the way his brain works I got so angry at him because he couldn't ever respond to my feelings, couldn't ever get out of his own ego to even talk about something as straightforward as bills. Seeing myself become enraged when I felt so utterly powerless with him got me to start therapy.

That's one difference - being healthy means being able to question one's behavior and take responsibility for it.