I was feeling hopeful

[HeavyHeartedInIo]

I am new here and new to learning about BPD. I'm not sure this is the right place to write this. My son who is 41 had a 3 year relationship with a younger woman with BPD. It was a horrible situatoin and she exhibited more extreme behaviors that included cutting herself, getting arrested, doing drugs, obsessively calling and texting, accessing his phones and emails, physically hitting him, threatening to harm his cats, destroying property and so on. He isolated from friends and family during the relationship. As his mother I was so relieved when the realtionship seemed to end for good a few months ago. He wasn't in contact with her and he was reparing relatonships and starting to do the things he enjoyed. He also started his own therapy.

It was probably too soon but he did meet a lovely lady who was the complete opposite of his ex BPD girlfriend.  He seemed excited when he talked about her and geniunely at ease when around her.  When I say the opposite of his ex, I mean it. She was kind and calm and polite and they was pacing the relationship in a slow healthy way.  Well wouldn't you know it but his ex resurfaced soon after he met this other woman. I am not sure of the details, but he was worried about her and bent on helping her he said and she has three kids from another relationship so I thought maybe it was okay for him to want to help her.  Now and almost suddenly it seems the healthy woman in his life is no longer around and the BPD ex is back in his life and they are going full steam ahead.  He tells me she has changed and is doing better and I hope hes right.

I know I can't do anything and he has to live his life. It's just as his mother, even though he is grown I worry. I was so hopeful that he was doing what he had to do to get better and I thought being attracted to a healthy woman was promising even if it wasn't guaratneeed to be forever. I know he was struggling and working through the breakup with his ex but how did he take such a giant leap backwards? Is it possible that she is better? I think she was on medication and maybe going to therapy for the last two months. I want to try to understand how this happened. If she's not better, what is he thinking? What is the odds of him making this mistake again and not learning from it? Will he walk away again or stay in it?  I'm sorry for all the questoins. I am just scared for him and this isnt the first time they broke up and got together again but I was hopeful because it was the longest they broke up and he was taking care of himself.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Welcome,

I’m sorry that you are worried about your son. It’s worth noting there’s a section that might interest your son, in that’s specifically for people looking to deal with a relationship with someone with BPD.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=15.0

Does your son or his wife acknowledge that BPD may be at play here?

If your son has returned to the relationship, why do you think that is ?