Relationship ups and downs with wife

[Like2Bhappy]

Hi. I've been doing lots of research. I thought my wife is a total Narcissist but now after reading so much. I'd say it's more BTD. We have been to get her six years. Met and she moved me in pretty quickly. At first it was wonderful. Now we argue more than we don't. I do love her. Need help to learn what to do and what to expect. Thank you.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome Like2. This site has a lot of good info for people wanting to learn more about their spouses condition. I personally believe that a lot of people think their SO has NPD until they learn about BPD and everything starts to make more sense. When you are comfortable, feel free to share more about yourself and your story.

Until then, check out the links of the right side of the page and learn more about BPD, how it affects your SO, and what you can do to stop making things worse.

Welcome.

[thefixermom]

You have a long road ahead of you, Like2Bhappy, so I hope you dive in to the materials, which are very helpful, if you decide to stay with this relationship.  One thing that has helped me, too, is to not make it all about the other person (some but not all) and acknowledge our own pathologies. For instance, you say she moved you in pretty quick, as if you were a stuffed teddy bear.  You chose to move in, as well, and you might ask yourself what the rush was?  Were you afraid you'd lose her if you took it slower? If so, why? I've read that people who rush relationships do so, perhaps unconsciously, because they believe they need to lock the person in before they see who they really are. So I would begin by asking myself why did I give in to that? What is it about me that feels insecure to the point of not standing by my own standards?  In time, we see that neither partner is truly healthier than the other... .we just exhibit different symptoms.  Learn to just observe, not only her, but yourself, too, as honest as you can. I began doing that only many years after being sure that it was all the other guy's fault and trying hard to change him and not taking account of my own choices and actions.