Trying to comprehend.

[Depression = 72% of members]

I know a lot of you after discovering your mate had BPD come to realize that we didn't know them really at all. I know I should leave well enough alone. But I googled his name today. And his name was linked to a website called Snap F*ck as recent as February 11th.  It is apparently a disgusting site where people can meet to have causal no strings sex with men and women. Some who may even be married. I'm just so beside myself to see who he was. And to realize I didn't know him at all. Especially the way he played up being a good kind hearted virtuous guy. That is what makes it worse!  :'(   I can't comprehend how they can lead such deceptive lives with little to no remorse, concern or worry while they are doing it. I had no clue. I'm not sure if he was on this site while we were dating. But I wouldn't be surprised. I feel so ripped off and he is off doing it someone else. Can anyone explain to me how they can do these things and it not bother them one bit. When he was cheating on his other girlfriend .

After we broke up . I didn't know they were a couple. He lied to me and said they went on 4 dates. Called her below average looking. Said she was heavy and hairy and really mean things about her body. I asked him why he wanted to date her then? He said he was a substitute teacher living home and couldn't get better. And thinking they weren't serious . It seemed they wouldn't date much longer the way he talked about her. I remember we were still having sex at this point. I asked him don't you feel bad? He said "no not at all" it didn't bother him. I felt bad but figured it was only 4 dates and he didn't seem interested . But then I found out they dated since the end of June till at the time was end of October . I just think he must of thought that way about me too. While he was cheating on me. He didn't stand for anything he proclaimed and he was just a rotten person in general. He kept asking me to give him another chance in two more months! To keep him on top of my list of dating. Because I was starting to date. 

Two months I realized he wanted her to help him pass his Spanish exam to become a Spanish teacher! He was suppose to take the test in December or January . And she would help him practice and listen to him read in Spanish. I remember when he worked at Walgreens I had to help him take tests too! He has everyone helping him in all these nice ways  and he was just using them and me. How can someone be that way? I hate BPD . They never take responsibility for their actions! I'm mad that I was so trusting and that I didn't see who he was until it was so late in the game! But I'm very glad I warned her. At least she didn't become the victim that I was. I mean I know he used her too. And I know he was cheating on her with me and other girls but she didn't see his rage or outbursts. It didn't come out all at once with me either though.  I can't imagine living a life that is so toxic and cruel to those around you who help and love you. It's hard to have any compassion for that illness

[Itstopsnow]

I know a lot of you after discovering your mate had BPD come to realize that we didn't know them really at all. I know I should leave well enough alone. But I googled his name today. And his name was linked to a website called Snap F*ck as recent as February 11th.  It is apparently a disgusting site where people can meet to have causal no strings sex with men and women. Some who may even be married. I'm just so beside myself to see who he was. And to realize I didn't know him at all. Especially the way he played up being a good kind hearted virtuous guy. That is what makes it worse!  :'(   I can't comprehend how they can lead such deceptive lives with little to no remorse, concern or worry while they are doing it. I had no clue. I'm not sure if he was on this site while we were dating. But I wouldn't be surprised. I feel so ripped off and he is off doing it someone else. Can anyone explain to me how they can do these things and it not bother them one bit. When he was cheating on his other girlfriend .

After we broke up . I didn't know they were a couple. He lied to me and said they went on 4 dates. Called her below average looking. Said she was heavy and hairy and really mean things about her body. I asked him why he wanted to date her then? He said he was a substitute teacher living home and couldn't get better. And thinking they weren't serious . It seemed they wouldn't date much longer the way he talked about her. I remember we were still having sex at this point. I asked him don't you feel bad? He said "no not at all" it didn't bother him. I felt bad but figured it was only 4 dates and he didn't seem interested . But then I found out they dated since the end of June till at the time was end of October . I just think he must of thought that way about me too. While he was cheating on me. He didn't stand for anything he proclaimed and he was just a rotten person in general. He kept asking me to give him another chance in two more months! To keep him on top of my list of dating. Because I was starting to date. 

Two months I realized he wanted her to help him pass his Spanish exam to become a Spanish teacher! He was suppose to take the test in December or January . And she would help him practice and listen to him read in Spanish. I remember when he worked at Walgreens I had to help him take tests too! He has everyone helping him in all these nice ways  and he was just using them and me. How can someone be that way? I hate BPD . They never take responsibility for their actions! I'm mad that I was so trusting and that I didn't see who he was until it was so late in the game! But I'm very glad I warned her. At least she didn't become the victim that I was. I mean I know he used her too. And I know he was cheating on her with me and other girls but she didn't see his rage or outbursts. It didn't come out all at once with me either though.  I can't imagine living a life that is so toxic and cruel to those around you who help and love you. It's hard to have any compassion for that illness

[Itstopsnow]

Why can't I just accept what happened and let go. I fear telling family and friends at this point. Even though in my mind it hasn't been that long. I found everything out November 11th. But they think and tell me it's been a long time I need to detach and let this go. That makes me feel worse like I'm broken. I know they don't mean harm. But they all have the same response to me. They weren't in the relationship. This guy was super close to me. His second girlfriend told me he pressure her for 3 days a week. And was chasing her . But when I dated him. He pressured me for every single day! Even up till the end I saw him daily. And sex still every time we were together. For 18 months we were this close.

We went to California on his dime within the first month. Then 4 other week long vacations and weekend trips throughout our time together. He would always kiss and hug me in public, during dinner when we were out he'd ask to come sit next to me not across from me half way through the meal. He would constantly tell me I was beautiful and he didn't know how he got me. We were always holding, kissing and cuddling. He would want to be with me everywhere . Almost like a little child would! Hmmm. Just made a strange connection. I think a lot of their behaviors are stunted in childhood form. Because I took my littlest niece out and she acts like that with me. Obviously not all those things. But wants all my time, all my attention, wants to sit next to me when we eat out and be right on top of me almost.

You see though to me that was real love. I loved him. I had no clue this was part of his disorder. I don't think he was totally like this with my replacement. He clearly didn't want as much time with her as he did with me. And when we broke up and he had her as back up. We were only apart 8 days before he came back giving me his new phone number after I dropped him off my plan. I know he was dating other girls at this time too. It gets so bad so fast with these people! Just as it starts so wonderfully . I know he is no good! I know he is sick and Manipulative .its just so hard to reconcile that this was the same man. How he could be so flip floppy when it comes to his life and what he wants. It's a terrible sickness! You almost wish there was a brain correction surgery available for them.

[SlyQQ]

I know this is going to be hard to understand but from day one he lived in fear of you ( it would have made no difference if you were mother Theresa ) This fear controled his actions and started to build resentment within him, not unlike an abusive relationship. His actions as a backlash were completely justifiable to himself because of this.   

[Itstopsnow]

Thank you! Your response makes sense to me. It is such a terrible disorder that truly dictates the way the person will think, act and believe. These people untreated will never have a chance at being their own person! They will always be controlled by their emotions

[steelwork]

SlyQQ, thanks. Your response makes sense to me, too.