Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
July 04, 2025, 10:53:15 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Books members most read
105
The High
Conflict Couple
Loving Someone with
Borderline Personality Disorder
Loving the
Self-Absorbed
Borderline Personality
Disorder Demystified

Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Triggered a BPD trauma?  (Read 570 times)
sebastian.l
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 65


« on: March 07, 2016, 09:38:30 AM »

I had a situation with my BPD girl: she sometimes has this problem with transpiration and smell of sweat. It sounds weird, it's not a big deal to me but I know that she was put up on that a lot of times by her mother who told her to use deodorant. I also know, when she was young, the kids in school bullied her for that.

So in a situation when she felt a little vulnerable, I made a remark which was meant as a compliment. I said, I really like to have her lying next to me and smell and feel her close. I really like her smell and my pillow smells like her when she's gone.

Immediately after I finished my sentence, she closed the Skype in a kind of rage and just shut off. Our conversation stopped and she only came back 15min later with the sentence: 'sorry honey, today I felt confused.'

Since that day, our r/s was not the same anymore. She pushes me away where she can, makes her own plans, puts friends as a priority, family, sports... .everything is more important. She says she has to take care of herself now.

Could I have triggered a childhood trauma? What did I do wrong?
Logged
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

LonelyChild
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 313



« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2016, 09:48:22 AM »

You triggered feelings of shame. She now knows you notice her smelling.

On a side note; my uBPDxgf also had problems with sweating. I've heard of this many times with pwBPD. Probably some kind of internal stress.
Logged
sebastian.l
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 65


« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2016, 09:59:42 AM »

hmm, I never noticed it in a 'negative' way though
Logged
HopeAndCoffee

*
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 14


« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2016, 12:25:38 PM »

I could easily see my bf reacting poorly to something along these lines, so yes - possibly you've accidentally triggered something. For my bf, I can try to compliment him and it only takes one 'poorly chosen' word for him to take it like a massive insult.

Looking at your post, perhaps it could have been the word smell? Just guessing here, of course, but the word 'smell' is usually used in a negative way - when you smell something, if someone smells, if there's 'a' smell it's usually not pleasant, whereas 'scent' is commonly viewed as positive. Considering she was bullied, perhaps it was as simple as that...

Of course you don't always string sentences together by considering each word you put in it carefully (how exhausting would that be Laugh out loud (click to insert in post)), so sometimes these things just happen. The fact that she came back after 15 minutes and apologized for her reaction is a positive though, at least it would be for me  Smiling (click to insert in post)

Have you talked about it at all, after that?
Logged
sebastian.l
**
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 65


« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2016, 12:56:35 PM »

no I never dared to come up with that topic again. But it was the moment when the BPD push started. Then followed all kind of head aches, belly aches, fatigue, crying when I was not there, until the day when she saw other guys behind my back and we broke up.

Today, I think, maybe I could had saved something by addressing the topic.

(I have to add, English is not our both 1st language. So misunderstanding because if language barrier is programmed)
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!