Was chillin in California when...

[jc1010]

Was really doing well, visiting one of my buddies from way back in the day in LA at college for spring break. Got a call the second night i was there. It was my ex BPD off her house phone. Was f*ckin shocked. It had been a month and a half since i blocked her number. I asked who it was cause it wasnt a number i recognized.

She sighed really heavily and said it was ' exgf name' . I was like whats going on. She said that i blocked her number. I said i needed to heal. I took your advice and was moving on. She said that she thought we would always be there for each other and was kind of crying. I said, sorry i'm trying to heal, i got to put me first and every time you hit me up it was re-opening these wounds and that i found out a lot about myself . so i said " so what can i do for you 'ex gf name.' She said i'm happy for you in like a crying- sad voice and said , well good bye, have a good one.

Felt really sad after that call. Like it was her saying good bye. I didnt get to really tell her everything i wanted to say. How hard i hit rock bottom. How i burnt to the ground when she wouldnt take me back and moved on so quickly. How I had to rebirth myself from the ashes. How the only person i had to turn to was myself, not another relationship. I wanted to say all this but i didn't. And i regret not saying it.

I have an urge to call her and say i didnt like the way the convo ended and tell her everything. What do ya'll think

[strong9]

This is one of those situations where what you didn't say speaks volumes. You were polite but firm, and showed you had moved on. If you went through all of the things you wanted to say it would only show her that she still gets to you.

I'm not one to advocate bitterness or retribution, but if you were trying to have an effect on her, you couldn't have planned it better. If you still need to say those other things for yourself, write her a letter but don't mail it.

[jc1010]

well i just called her and said i was confused. I told her everything i just mentioned, and how i felt like she didnt care about me how i felt like she uses me, how it killed me how quickly she moved on. She said just because she didn't see me in a romantic way doesnt mean she doesnt care about me. Pretty upset i called. feel like ___ right now

[hopealways]

well i just called her and said i was confused. I told her everything i just mentioned, and how i felt like she didnt care about me how i felt like she uses me, how it killed me how quickly she moved on. She said just because she didn't see me in a romantic way doesnt mean she doesnt care about me. Pretty upset i called. feel like ___ right now

Very typical dig by the BPD, she has to put you down and give you contradicting signals then shoot you down when you take her bait by saying she doesn't care about you romantically.  Sorry you had to go through this-I know you are kicking yourself for calling her. Hang in there.

[jc1010]

well i just called her and said i was confused. I told her everything i just mentioned, and how i felt like she didnt care about me how i felt like she uses me, how it killed me how quickly she moved on. She said just because she didn't see me in a romantic way doesnt mean she doesnt care about me. Pretty upset i called. feel like ___ right now

Very typical dig by the BPD, she has to put you down and give you contradicting signals then shoot you down when you take her bait by saying she doesn't care about you romantically.  Sorry you had to go through this-I know you are kicking yourself for calling her. Hang in there.

thank you so much @hopealways... I'm really hurting right now. Its just, she makes me feel like i'm not worthy of her romantic love. i was doing so great with nc... month and a half. i'm definitely kickin myself for calling her. i was doing awesome and now i'm hurt again. and it hurts to think that my healing has taken a step backwards

[tryingsome]

well i just called her and said i was confused. I told her everything i just mentioned, and how i felt like she didnt care about me how i felt like she uses me, how it killed me how quickly she moved on. She said just because she didn't see me in a romantic way doesnt mean she doesnt care about me. Pretty upset i called. feel like ___ right now

Very typical dig by the BPD, she has to put you down and give you contradicting signals then shoot you down when you take her bait by saying she doesn't care about you romantically.  Sorry you had to go through this-I know you are kicking yourself for calling her. Hang in there.

Honestly pwBPD are just sickos when it comes to love. Not so much in the relationship, but definitely afterwards.

It is just sick that they would pull you along in a hopeful conversation just to shoot you down. It's all about their needs and at the end of the relationship you are nothing more than a crutch for their shallow emotional vastitude. It is just sick.

Try to take timeout for yourself. Don't beat yourself up too much. Go NC again. She'll like call you again in some future as that kind of went her way. Live and learn. Cheers to you.

thank you so much @hopealways... I'm really hurting right now. Its just, she makes me feel like i'm not worthy of her romantic love. i was doing so great with nc... month and a half. i'm definitely kickin myself for calling her. i was doing awesome and now i'm hurt again. and it hurts to think that my healing has taken a step backwards

[strong9]

We've all been there, man. It's hard to be "strong" (whatever that means to each of us) all the time. If you learn something from this experience, it'll be worth it.

[confusedandangry]

Words of advice, when my exBPD contacts me, after being NC, I post on here and WAIT for advice BEFORE I make a move.  My heart will always say to contact her and it still wants to tell her how badly she hurt me to the core, but my head let's me know... .she doesn't care.  Next time you feel the urge, post on here and let someone outside the relationship give you words of wisdom... .I was there just yesterday over something I accidentally saw on a social media site, I forgot she was still on... .best of luck and I hope I get to the rebuilding myself like you. 

[hopealways]

This is a great post for everyone (including myself) who thinks the BPD will change. Stay strong, be patient, be kind to yourself, and you WILL get over the hump.

[jc1010]

This is a great post for everyone (including myself) who thinks the BPD will change. Stay strong, be patient, be kind to yourself, and you WILL get over the hump.

Thank you hopealways and confused... .Today was brutal. I cried a lot and it felt like i felt when i went nc day one. I feel so much pain right now and not a lot of hope, its crazy how she triggers me like that, how i find myself wondering about her and how she is happy and all good. What really hurt me was how she now almost acts as the caregiver now saying things i'm here if you ever need me. And the fact that she does not see how much her words hurt me. by her simply saying just because i don't see you in romantic way anymore doesnt mean i don't care about you, it drives a dagger in my heart.

I know she doesnt see me in that way anymore, thats why we're not together, so do you really have to say it?... .The reason that last sunday she called she said was she was drunk and needed someone to talk to because her older brother got arrested and that i was really good at helping her out. She said she wanted me to play the role of a friend because she figured we were friends before we started dating. The fact that she doesnt see how selfish/ manipulative that is gut wrenching.

I am the one who ended it, but i would have killed to get her back and i changed for us but she still said no (a good thing). But when i get down like this, it kills me to think back in the past, before the relationship ended. It's like i'm flooded with guilt and think i wish i could go back and time and not break up with her. I know its best i did but these are just my thoughts and i know she knows how to get me to feel guilty.

You know how many times i tried ending it but she made me feel so damn guilty i couldnt do it. When she called me last sunday, and i answered the healthy, right way that i should, she made me feel so guilty for it and that is what triggered me to call her back only to get shot down like some f*ckin idiot.

And another part is, no one else (besides this forum) really sees how crazy and mean she is. we have mutual friends and they dont see her the way i do, and they wont understand. Now i'm the one with a heavy chest and she's all okay because she got her next fix and she looks all happy and mentally healthy when i'm the one who's holding the broken heart, dealing with this trauma, looking like a depressed fool

back to healing- got to let go and take this, next time i'm hanging up if she calls me, even she's like a hit of heroin to my emotions

[hope2727]

Aww hun I am so sorry that happened to you. I totally get it. I fell for it too and wrote and reached out to my pwPD. It was a totally waste of time and set my healing back immensely. So you are normal. Now you know. Post what you would want to tell her in here and we will give you feed back. Remember her brain is broken and she can't understand the things you experience. We can. You will heal and grow. She most likely will not. One day this will all be a distant memory. Until then know you are not alone. Hugs. 

[jc1010]

Aww hun I am so sorry that happened to you. I totally get it. I fell for it too and wrote and reached out to my pwPD. It was a totally waste of time and set my healing back immensely. So you are normal. Now you know. Post what you would want to tell her in here and we will give you feed back. Remember her brain is broken and she can't understand the things you experience. We can. You will heal and grow. She most likely will not. One day this will all be a distant memory. Until then know you are not alone. Hugs. 

thank you so much hope2727.