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Author Topic: I'm dysregulating hardcore  (Read 1027 times)
lingering

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #30 on: March 31, 2016, 11:37:56 PM »

It's been 4 weeks... .My T suggested I try online dating... ./quote]

I am certain that it requires time to process all of the bs.  While my libido Iwhich I was certain had withered and died several years ago) has blossomed in the 4 weeks and 3 days since I left, I am NOT going to be doing any dating.  Can't even believe a professional would suggest such a thing! 

Replace one mess with another?  Like saying to an alcoholic, "just drink vodka instead of gin".  What? 

Healing takes time, thought, tears, processing and reclaiming. My joy for life dripped away slowly with each new drama, rejected boundary, rage and tearful plea for love.  And there were times when I truly believed I would love him forever.  There is some grieving to do.  Grief is the other face of love. 

Living my joyful, loving life requires some self exploration. It can not be reclaimed without looking at that.    I am imagining about 6 years two months and two weeks... .about as long as I was married to my exh uPD.  Maybe even two years longer than that where my compassion and sadness at his tragic life became "love".  I gotta look because I do NOT ever want to live this again. 

I'm going to just love myself in the mean time.  It is about time that I developed THAT life skill. 

Best wishes... .you deserve healing. 
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lingering

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Gender: Female
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #31 on: March 31, 2016, 11:41:12 PM »

Do you meditate?

I would welcome some input about how meditation helps.

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« Reply #32 on: March 31, 2016, 11:46:22 PM »

having personally never meditated: www.webmd.com/balance/features/meditation-heals-body-and-mind
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     and I think it's gonna be all right; yeah; the worst is over now; the mornin' sun is shinin' like a red rubber ball…
steelwork
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« Reply #33 on: April 01, 2016, 12:08:19 AM »

I would welcome some input about how meditation helps.

There's a lot to say about this and I'm not an expert. However, I do remember those first really bad months. I was really falling apart and just trying everything I could, and meditating helped me.

One really common method for settling into meditation is to "scan" your body, notice all the sensations in it. Another is to notice the sounds around you. What these things have in common is that they are happening in the present. Meditation anchors you in the present. From a certain perspective there is no separate past or future. The past has expired and ceased to be; the future isn't here yet. When we're "living in the past" or ruminating, we're doing it from the present. Thoughts of what happened, what's happening somewhere else--they are just that: thoughts, like clouds in a blue sky that you can observe and wonder about. Think of them from the outside and they lose some of their power over you. When you are in a state of crisis over your pwBPDex, you are living inside those thoughts and your perspective is being warped.

Or if that doesn't do it for you, think of this: I know my mind was spinning like a top a lot of the time. It needs a rest. Meditating is, if nothing else, a breather for your busy mind.

Right now your body is coursing with cortisol--a stress hormone. High amounts of it for a long time are really bad for you: bad for your digestion, your heart, your sleep. Meditating lowers the amount of cortisol you produce.

I don't know. When I was in the thick of it I was just trying everything, because I felt like I had nothing to lose.
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lingering

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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married since 12/11/2009, divorce final 2-26-16
Posts: 48



« Reply #34 on: April 03, 2016, 08:52:38 PM »

I would welcome some input about how meditation helps.

There's a lot to say about this and I'm not an expert. However, I do remember those first really bad months. I was really falling apart and just trying everything I could, and meditating helped me.

One really common method for settling into meditation is to "scan" your body, notice all the sensations in it. Another is to notice the sounds around you. What these things have in common is that they are happening in the present. Meditation anchors you in the present. From a certain perspective there is no separate past or future. The past has expired and ceased to be; the future isn't here yet. When we're "living in the past" or ruminating, we're doing it from the present. Thoughts of what happened, what's happening somewhere else--they are just that: thoughts, like clouds in a blue sky that you can observe and wonder about. Think of them from the outside and they lose some of their power over you. When you are in a state of crisis over your pwBPDex, you are living inside those thoughts and your perspective is being warped.

Or if that doesn't do it for you, think of this: I know my mind was spinning like a top a lot of the time. It needs a rest. Meditating is, if nothing else, a breather for your busy mind.

Right now your body is coursing with cortisol--a stress hormone. High amounts of it for a long time are really bad for you: bad for your digestion, your heart, your sleep. Meditating lowers the amount of cortisol you produce.

I don't know. When I was in the thick of it I was just trying everything, because I felt like I had nothing to lose.

Really helpful, steelwork!  Thanks for this!  Listening to the birds, right now.  I get it! 

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