The short answer is because NPDs are typically men, BPDs are typically female
No, men are generally DIAGNOSED as having NPD and women are generally DIAGNOSED as having BPD. That doesn't mean NPD are typically male or BPD are typically female. The professionals that diagnose are still just people with biases just as everybody else. And a lot of NPD and BPD men go undiagnosed because they are more likely to drink heavily and be diagnosed as alcoholics.
The last two guys in my life are mixes of BPD and NPD. Not leaning more in one direction or the other as far as I can tell, it differed per day and was obscured due to having other issues such as substance abuse, OCD and depression.
My therapist told me historically the focus is on diagnosing women with personality disorders, so many men get overlooked or given the wrong diagnosis.
The only diagnosis my ex (to my knowledge) has had is depression. I've read that depression is very common in narcissism, especially when their supply is threatened. My ex falls into a deep dysphoria at any set back or loss. During these times my ex indulges in a lot of what seems like self-pity to me. I realize this is an ungracious way to see it, but it feels very insincere. This is an interesting article about it.
www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/the-depressive-narcissist-narcissism-depression-and-dysphoria/My ex had been prescribed anti-depressants in the past but they never worked. My experience of his depression was it was like a cap on a boiling hot rage of perceived injustice. This was especially true with the loss of his PN space over his job. And then at other times he would be almost giddy with good cheer. It was very confusing.
WoundedBibi, I agree that in the end it doesn't matter if my ex was one thing or another. The dx are labels, what matters is the behavior, conduct and the relationship. I have found it helpful for me to read a lot on disorders, though, because I have a tendency to self-blame. It helps me understand his issues as a mental health issue and not my fault. But the most important work I am doing is on myself.
