It was not our choice to break off contact with our daughter. She started running away when she was 12 (now 50)... .ran 4 times. When she got too old to be a teen run-a-way, she then turned to cutting us off... .used her 2 daughters as trump cards. In a sense that was still running away.
During this 3+ years of NC, I have reached out a number of times to no avail. She has told me that she will never go into counselling with me... .even though I said I was willing to look at myself and take responsibility for my actions... .good/bad. Hmmm? Over the years we have communicated through letters, then e-mails. Her correspondence was getting more and more caustic so I finally drew the line. She exploded when I said I would open no more e-mails from her... .that our communication in the future was to be face-to-face or on the phone.
Since the kids were little, we have had a get-a-way cabin. Even though our daughter and granddaughters have literally shunned us, they still felt they could use the cabin... .of course not wanting us there. Our daughter went into a rage when we made it clear there were no "fringe benefits"... .angry that there were "strings attached."
The healing through this long episode has been hard. Our lives have always been devoted to our kids/grandkids, picking up pieces and trying to make life "normal" for so long. I have had to work hard to get past the role of victim and turn, instead, to look at our N/C as a kind of blessing. We are oblivious to any drama happening in their circle. At our age (mid-70's) we have to worry about her rage turning from verbal to physical.
So, with all that said, the healing is a work in process that will probably be life-long. I don't wake in the middle of the night anymore and cry... .progress! Dammit!... .I am a Mom and will always be a Mom but I will no longer be a victim. The rules have changed.
Mod note: This post was split from Working to heal