Tips on dealing with anxiety and fear

[LilMe]

I have been working on legally leaving my controlling and abusive uBPD who painted me black a few months ago.  He does not know yet.  I have an appointment with my lawyer to sign the paperwork tomorrow afternoon.  Due to a couple of really traumatic court experiences in the past and the current high stress situation, I am having some really irritating physical symptoms. I also have a wisdom tooth giving me a headache.

Every time I talk to my lawyer I have a panic attack.  I have never had one before recently and it is not fun!  Luckily I know what is happening and am able to stay calm and just feel like I am dying   Tomorrow will be my first in person meeting with my lawyer and I must be level headed and able to think clearly.

Any tips on staying calm?  I will have my 19 month old with me too. I will be breathing and trying to think positive thoughts, but that doesn't always work.  Any suggestions or experiences are welcome!

[JerryRG]

Hello Lilme, been where you are and still struggle with anxiety, I would shake when my text alarm would go off knowing it was my exBPDgf

There are many techniques for relaxation but I have to use them often and I find myself weary of the techniques . Every time I think of my ex I ask God to take it away, I find myself doing this every five minutes every day.

This is my addiction and she was my drug, deadly serious situation so I stop at nothing to get through each day.

You will find lots of good support here and suggestions that will hekp, I'm only 4 months NC. I share a child with my ex, I am being pushed by her family to have contact with her. I would rather die than speak to her again

I hope you get well and get past the nightmare

[Mutt]

I'm sorry to hear that. Panic attacks can come because of a stressful life event or it could come from nowhere. It helps to read about panic attacks and panic disorders. If you're having panic attacks it doesn't necessarily mean that you have a panic disorder. We're not professionals and can't diagnose, it sounds like there could probably a trigger. I would suggest talking to your MD and T. This is a good website for self help. I hope that helps.

www.heretohelp.bc.ca/factsheet/panic-disorder

[LilMe]

Thanks for the website, Mutt. I hadn't thought of looking it up online, duh.  I do not have insurance or a doctor or therapist, but that is on my long list of things to do when I get out of here.  I have allowed him to completely control me, little by little.  His latest tactic is threatening to shut off the phone and internet!

JerryRG, it sounds like you are struggling too. I hate that!  Fortunately I have great family and friend support.  I hope you do too.  I feel like I have made some really good progress in breaking my 'addiction', but I am sure I will continue dealing with it for quite a while.  We are fortunate to have these boards!  I learn so much and am a much stronger, self aware person from what I learn here.

[once removed]

hi Lilme 

sorry to hear youre going through this. the anxiety and panic isnt uncommon in the (somewhat ongoing) aftermath of these relationships. for the first month or two, id have an anxiety attack (not to be confused with a panic attack) within half an hour to an hour of waking up, and theyd last for hours. were you experiencing a lot of adrenaline during, or toward the end of your relationship?

what helped me tremendously was taking passion flower, it would stop the anxiety attacks dead, and soon they ended completely. you might look into it as well, though it is for anxiety; i dont know about its effects on panic.

[khibomsis]

Sorry to hear about your tough times Lilme! But congratulations on having decided to act in a positive way. Just think, by this time tomorrow it will all be over and your new life can begin.

after having panic attacks every evening for two years I finally got the better of it with deep breathing. It works! passionflower great too for those sleepless nights - don't always sleep but I do rest at least

[blackbirdsong]

I had panic attacks,extreme anxiety feelings that I have never experienced before in my life just after the breakup with my dBPDexgf.

After that I started mindfulness meditation. And it really helped me. It helped me even more than I hoped for. Not only that it reduced my anxiety but it also improved my everyday stress coping skills so I think I am more stable person now after practicing meditation (6 months now, and this is actually extremely short period for some significant results, but I will continue because I think it really works).

So, it is not something that will provide you quick-fix solution, but it is worth trying considering the overall results. 

[LilMe]

Thank you for the suggestions! It sounds like I must get some passion flower asap.

I went to the lawyer appt and managed to stay calm.  Even when she told me I must move out tomorrow while uBPD is gone. I enlisted family to come help, but I couldn't get the key to the new place yet and he may end up staying home.  Yikes this is stressful!  I haven't panicked yet, but I am very anxious and my chest hurts. I can't sleep. This is really hard!