Having difficult time

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My ex-wife has BPD and I realized it during the marriage but was so intent on staying in the marriage, I enabled it for a long long time.  She and I discussed the possibility she had BPD after our marriage counselor brought it to our attention but she dismissed the thought and had no interest in working on herself whatsoever.  Whenever she went to individual therapy she would show up, tell the therapist she was there because I made her and come home telling me they said there's nothing wrong with her.  Fast forward to now which is 2 1/2 years after I filed for divorce and 1 1/2 years after our divorce was finalized.  During the divorce process when she was unleashing hell on me and I had to fight just to see our kids half the time, I didn't feel much for her but anger; however now that we're divorced and the grieving continues, I find myself more and more upset about the end of the marriage, the loss of the "dream" of being married to my first wife with our kids and the reality of her seriously dating again (I am too but that doesn't provide me much comfort when I see her with someone else).  I know the decision to divorce, which I initiated was the right one and am 100% confident in that decision in my head.  Quite honestly, we had very little in common and she had very little interest in being my wife unless it was to get something from me (and insult me to no end if she didn't get it). My heart is playing tricks on me though and I find myself feeling things when I see her that I know in my head I really shouldn't be feeling.  I wonder how long these divorce BPD aftershock feelings will continue for because I'm really frustrated by them.  :-(

[jere74]

My ex-wife has BPD and I realized it during the marriage but was so intent on staying in the marriage, I enabled it for a long long time.  She and I discussed the possibility she had BPD after our marriage counselor brought it to our attention but she dismissed the thought and had no interest in working on herself whatsoever.  Whenever she went to individual therapy she would show up, tell the therapist she was there because I made her and come home telling me they said there's nothing wrong with her.  Fast forward to now which is 2 1/2 years after I filed for divorce and 1 1/2 years after our divorce was finalized.  During the divorce process when she was unleashing hell on me and I had to fight just to see our kids half the time, I didn't feel much for her but anger; however now that we're divorced and the grieving continues, I find myself more and more upset about the end of the marriage, the loss of the "dream" of being married to my first wife with our kids and the reality of her seriously dating again (I am too but that doesn't provide me much comfort when I see her with someone else).  I know the decision to divorce, which I initiated was the right one and am 100% confident in that decision in my head.  Quite honestly, we had very little in common and she had very little interest in being my wife unless it was to get something from me (and insult me to no end if she didn't get it). My heart is playing tricks on me though and I find myself feeling things when I see her that I know in my head I really shouldn't be feeling.  I wonder how long these divorce BPD aftershock feelings will continue for because I'm really frustrated by them.  :-(

[Mutt]

Hi jere74,



I'm sorry to hear that. I understand how difficult it is to divorce a pwBPD ( person with BPD ) It's Ok to feel the way that you feel, it helps to talk to people that can relate with you.

It's difficult to come to the decision of divorcing your wife or husband, often we exaust all of our choices to try to fix the relationship but the disorder is not our fault. BPD is a persecution complex and the pwBPD believe that their circumstances are caused by others.

   

Borderline Personality Disorder Therapy - Is Your Loved One Serious?

Do you have kids together? How is your support network with family and friends?

Hang in there.