Looking back now, what were some things that your ex did when they felt engulfed by you?
(uBPDxW 4 year marriage)
Some of what my ex did at first seems to be kind of embarrasing to admit but actually it really shouldn't be after knowing that she is disordered. I didn't understand what was wrong with her at the time and never had heard of BPD. I think when she did the #3 below listed thing, that was the moment that I instantly thought she was crazy, ill or something is horribly wrong and this isn't just a woman with anger/rage and jealousy issues. I knew we were doomed at that point even though I tried to still save the marriage.
1. She would escape from my presence to go to her mom and other family. Often when she got to her moms house in just a matter of minutes, she would then text me a two line text like nothing was even wrong and would then not communicate till hours or more later on, which was one of the wierdest things I've ever experienced and very frustrating.
2. She would tune me out or dissociate or something like that which seemed really bizarre.
3. Toward the final weeks of our marriage just my voice alone seemed to cause her to go into panic, rage and flight. Even though at the time I could be speaking softly, giving her a flower, or something positive etc... .
4. Abandoned the marriage.
Mine would just disappear. She might go on a date with another guy if she felt engulfed, but nothing would come from it. She would ignore me for a long period of time, up to a month. Then she would either act like nothing happened or tell me that she was depressed. It was always triggered by intimacy: whenever we got closer (or moved towards it), she pushed me away. The last time we were supposed to go away together with some friends of mine for my birthday. We had a fight and she basically told me there was no feelings for me. I contacted her two weeks later and the told me not to contact her again. That was March 1st. I haven't heard from her since, other than for being monitored on LinkedIn.
