What happens to a person with BPD if they do get exposed on a larger level?

[Itstopsnow]

I hear people saying they would love for their BPD to hit rock bottom, in order that that they get help, realize they need to take accountability for their actions. But I was wondering does anyone have stories or know what typically happens if they are exposed to family, friends, work, or whatever? I know if they are confronted one on one they will lie usually and never own up to it. But what happens when the evidence is too much and too many people know? How to they handle it, process it, and what do they feel about it? I know that last one is hard to say .

[hope2727]

I've never heard of it happening. I think would take an intervention of sorts and even then they keep their circles so separate that someone would be left out and they would run to that person acting the victim. Its a persecution complex in its own way so I think they have to feel like the victim or else the shame of being a perpetrator would kill them.

[mywifecrazy]

My uBPDxw of 18 yrs was exposed after I caught her in an affair. The circumstances had me researching a lot of things about her and her behavior (It brought me here as well). Her family and me finally had a chance to talk to each other. We found out about the lies she told them about me (being abusive) and the lies she told me about them (being abusive). Instead of it pushing her towards getting help for herself she totally abandoned everyone. She hasn't had any relationship with her family (Mother/Brother/Sister) for 3 yrs.  I only communicate with her (When I have to) via emails and only about our kids.

Her behavior is sad and has ruined all her relationships that she had.  Now she has isolated herself to her new r/s (boyfriend) and his family.It's like she has threw everyone away she once knew to create a new world with people who don't know who she really is.  ie they are under the influence of her lies and manipulation.  The cycle continues!  It would be interesting to read if anyone answers your question the other way!

MWC... .

[WoundedBibi]

Depends on what you mean with exposed on a larger scale.

I think his family realizes or knows something is up/wrong/different about my ex. But as far as I have puzzled together something is up/wrong about his FOO as a whole. I know his father has OCD and I suspect paranoia to a degree. I'm not sure what is up/wrong with his mum but something doesn't add up. So exposure to them DRUMROLL "Your son has traits of BPD and NPD, a bit of OCD, lots of paranoia, is a depressed misanthrope, drinks himself into a stupor on a more than regular basis and likes to dust the inside of his nose with South American powder. This leads him to be aggressive, abusive, suspicious and to fff up all his relationships and jobs" would do no good.

He does ___ up jobs on a regular basis. His afflictions mean he has issues with authority, he misinterprets what a boss wants from him and he can't stop seducing his female employees and colleagues. In the end this always leads to issues with HR, conflicts with managers or contracts not being renewed. Usually he packs his bags and starts a new life in a new country, or a new city in his home country. New set of friends, new job, new colleagues, and usually a new look too. Rock bottom never comes.

This time round he has decided to stay in this country after ffffing up at our company. I wish he would just leave. If I understand the message from LinkedIn I got today correctly he finally has a new job. In this country and in this city 

And then there was my cousin. Undiagnosed but textbook example of BPD. He hit rock bottom in the sense that he finally felt he had nowhere left to run. Too many failed jobs, too many failed relationships, too many debts, looks fading, had to choose between seeing his youngest child or alcohol. He killed himself.

Despite neither having been outed as a PD to a larger group I think both are viable options to happen if someone is 'outed' as a BPD or being mentally ill to a larger group. They could either run and reinvent themselves or kill themselves.

[GreenEyedMonster]

My ex revealed his insanity to our entire group of friends by refusing to ever come back if they let me stay.  Now he is pretty much persona non grata with a lot of them.  He just found a new group and moved on.

[AwakenedOne]

My uBPDxw was exposed to her boss and all her coworkers (not by me) about a violent rage incident of hers against me which caused me injuries and property destruction. According to her they thought she was something such as "bad or terrible" when she came home the first day or two from work while we tried to save our marriage and then she turned it somehow around where she was the victim to them and they felt so sorry for her and bought her gifts and took her to dinners and checked on her often with phone calls nightly when we were trying to eat dinner and other awkward times. I wondered what the H was happening? She said they care about her a lot was the only answer I got back. Turns out at that point they thought I was a horrible human. I cant figure how it all changed? I wonder what she told them? It sure couldn't of been truth or reality. The weird thing is I had met those people many times and they should of known who I am.

I don't believe hitting rock bottom would most of the time trigger the urge for them to get help. I think other terrible alternative things might happen instead.

[vortex of confusion]

Rock bottom? What is that? Seriously though, my stbx has hit what I would consider rock bottom several times yet it doesn't seem to phase him much. The first time was when he lost his job because he got caught looking at porn at work. Rather than deny it, he resigned on the spot to keep it off his record. He went to one 12 step meeting and decided that he wasn't like those guys. After all, he was just looking at porn.

Lots of ups and downs over the years. I would try to tell people what was going on and would get told stuff like, "Oh, you should be thankful for him because <fill in the blank with whatever>." Or, I would tell people stuff and would get told, "Oh, he just needs you to take care of him." Or, I tried to tell his mom something one time and she said, "Oh, he would never do that."

Now, he has no job and I have kicked him out of the house. He goes to his 12 step programs and is living with one of the guys in his group. He puts on one heck of a show about how great he is doing, blah, blah, blah.

I feel like his exposure simply makes him go further into denial. He says that he is admitting what he has done to other people. I think he is doing it to garner sympathy, "Oh, he is the wounded addict that just needs love and support, blah, blah, blah." He told me the other day that his friend (that is a psychic) told him that we were going to reconcile.    Um, way to mess with my head!

[Fr4nz]

My ex revealed his insanity to our entire group of friends by refusing to ever come back if they let me stay.  Now he is pretty much persona non grata with a lot of them.  He just found a new group and moved on.

This is exactly what they usually do: when they create some disaster, and they cannot "hide" the truth anymore, they compartimentalize and move on; it's too hard for them to admit they have grave issues.

[rfriesen]

I've posted on here about my ex up to now, but my sister is actually even more textbook BPD. She's hit "rock bottom" in several ways, but it has not led to any real introspection yet. It's a very sad story, really.

She was a very charismatic, smart, attractive, funny person growing up, but very manipulative. For instance, after my parents divorced and weren't speaking much for a few years, she played them off against one another, feeding each of them what they wanted to hear about the other, and taking money from both for school, rent, etc. When my parents eventually reconciled as friends (or at least were friendly to one another), this was all exposed and they confronted my sister. She screamed and yelled and blamed both of them for all the wrongs they committed against her, and then disappeared for a while. To this day, she tries to convince me that she "practically raised" me "on her own" after our parents divorced. Actually, I was 13 at the time and lived with my dad while she had her own apartment near the university - she was already 18 at the time, though she sometimes accuses my mother of leaving when she was 14. When we point out that she's just flat-out wrong/lying about her age at the time of the divorce, she yells about all the ways she was mistreated.

She's been caught cheating by boyfriends who were really kind, caring partners, and she always finds a way to be the victim. She holds grudges against their families, friends, and against almost everyone in our family and our family friends. She was injured at work and had to take prescription pain killers, which has led to a downward spiral. She blames all kinds of medical ailments on that injury at work, and the rest of us have trouble knowing what her true medical condition is - she often makes claims about illnesses that just don't add up. If we try to talk to her about some of the grudges she holds and the way she has hurt other people, it's hard to get anywhere -- she often lashes out or threatens to commit suicide.

It's just one story, but it's a very sad one. She had so much potential in life, but no matter how many times she's been caught being manipulative or hurting those close to her, she finds a way to blame everyone but herself.

[WoundedBibi]

My ex revealed his insanity to our entire group of friends by refusing to ever come back if they let me stay.  Now he is pretty much persona non grata with a lot of them.  He just found a new group and moved on.

This is exactly what they usually do: when they create some disaster, and they cannot "hide" the truth anymore, they compartimentalize and move on; it's too hard for them to admit they have grave issues.

That is why I do not get why my ex has not moved away! He always follows this pattern of ffffing up a job and moving country. New country, new job, new friends, and often new appearance/outfit. Until he fffs up again. Then he moves country, etc. Or he moves back to his home country which is quite big and starts over in another large city. New city, new job, new friends, etc. Uptill now he has never remained in a country that wasn't his for job #2 after #1 bombed. He even admitted on his infamous blog (no C.Stein, haven't checked it in ages) that his mind is sometimes shrouded in a fog or something equally dramatic. And he went off at me on it months after we went NC. He is doing things that seem to be breaking his normal disaster pattern. I know he's not staying in this country for me. I know he's not staying for the one he triangulated me with, she buggered off with a friend of his. He wasn't dating anyone around New Year for sure. He might be now of course. Although dating me didn't stop him applying for a job on the other side of the world either. Jobs go before girls for him.

I know, I'll never know why he's breaking his disaster pattern. Got me wondering about it though.

[whispy90]

My ex was exposed for who he was to his entire friend base and family (drug addict, sex addict, but not BPD in particular but they are aware of his mental issues).  I think he burned a lot of bridges and does not speak with most of his old friends.  Mostly because they don't want to speak to him.  I think he tried to apologize/reforge connection but they were not interested.  He has a few long time loyal friends that are supportive, and his family is supportive.

Basically, he is just very ashamed of himself and has "fatalistic" thinking almost.  Like he is afraid to forge new relationships because he does not think he deserves them, and he is too ashamed to try and give a heartfelt apology to those that have cast him out.  He seems content just hanging out with the couple of friends he has left.  He does not have ambition for anything major in his life, and is very stagnant career-wise.  I'm sure as time passes, he will either go back to his old lying/cheating ways, or somehow get better (if he continues therapy).

[Infern0]

My ex had got caught cheating in the past with 2 guys from her friend group.

Resulted in a "suicide attempt" then she got a new friend group and doesn't really talk to any of them anymore.

[Ab123]

I don't know what my ex's family thinks about him, because I never asked. But, he held the same blue collar job for 30 years (never advancing to management, I suspect, because of a history of angry outbursts) and I get the sense that his friends and family see him the same way I do: amazing 95 percent of the time bat ___ crazy 5 percent, with an absolutely terrible temper. He doesn't have sustained close friends or romantic interests. His bio family deals with it. I doubt it had been easy for his kids, but he is really truly awesome when he is calm. I think they manage it as adult children by avoiding him when he is "stressed". He admitted to me, right before the last breakup, that he was having a harder time keeping himself together around me... .  Intimacy seemed to provoke open rage. I still think that is part of why he ran away from me: guilt about the lack of self control.