This weekend

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

This Friday, I decided to venture out in town alone. My friends were not around, so I figured I would do my best to go anyway and enjoy myself. I went to a local bar before going to see a band play. It was pretty empty for a Friday night. I managed to have a brief conversation with a stranger, which is a big deal for me. While sitting there, I hear someone say hello to me. It was my ex's close friend. She was surprisingly friendly to me -- but she was doing some fishing. She asked me quite a few times how I was doing, obviously referring to the situation. I had a few drinks and slipped and said 'not so great.' I also said that I kind of assumed she and everyone in that circle hated me at this point. I told her that she is my ex's friend and that I wasn't going to put her in the middle of all this but that I didn't want my ex to be hurting or sad. She told me my ex was pretty open to her about everything that happened (I'd be curious about the truth of it) and that she understood why I was not responding to her. She said she obviously crossed the line many times but she can't control it and she's "working on it." At first, she said she would not tell my ex she saw me. I went to say goodbye to her and told her I hoped she and my ex are doing okay. She then told me she's conflicted about whether she's going to tell my ex. I left there feeling confused, but missing her again. Thinking about the nights we spent at that bar - holding hands and in love.

Yesterday, I spent the day hiking a bit and walking around town. I met a couple friends for dinner and drinks. Again, another one of my ex's friends walks in. She is friendly with one of my friends who I was with and walked up to us. She smiled and said hello to me. I started getting this immensely uncomfortable feeling. What does she think of me? Is she texting my ex right now? What is my ex doing? We left the restaurant and went to see some music and have drinks. To put it mildly, we all had one too many. Frankly, I haven't had more than a couple drinks in months, so it hit me pretty hard. My friends tried to get some girl to talk to me -- she was clearly drunk and a loose cannon, so I immediately lost interest. After leaving the last bar, my one friend who actually works with my ex told me someone she knows saw her at an outing all over some guy. I was immediately crushed and started crying like a baby. I woke up this morning to two "no caller id" missed calls - one after another.

I'm not sure what I'm asking you guys here. Maybe I just needed to get it out there. I'm hurt by the idea of her already potentially being with someone. This was the DAY after she sent me that good luck email. Somehow even though this hurts, I miss her terribly. I don't know why love and pain intertwine like this for me.

[Fateful]

This Friday, I decided to venture out in town alone. My friends were not around, so I figured I would do my best to go anyway and enjoy myself. I went to a local bar before going to see a band play. It was pretty empty for a Friday night. I managed to have a brief conversation with a stranger, which is a big deal for me. While sitting there, I hear someone say hello to me. It was my ex's close friend. She was surprisingly friendly to me -- but she was doing some fishing. She asked me quite a few times how I was doing, obviously referring to the situation. I had a few drinks and slipped and said 'not so great.' I also said that I kind of assumed she and everyone in that circle hated me at this point. I told her that she is my ex's friend and that I wasn't going to put her in the middle of all this but that I didn't want my ex to be hurting or sad. She told me my ex was pretty open to her about everything that happened (I'd be curious about the truth of it) and that she understood why I was not responding to her. She said she obviously crossed the line many times but she can't control it and she's "working on it." At first, she said she would not tell my ex she saw me. I went to say goodbye to her and told her I hoped she and my ex are doing okay. She then told me she's conflicted about whether she's going to tell my ex. I left there feeling confused, but missing her again. Thinking about the nights we spent at that bar - holding hands and in love.

Yesterday, I spent the day hiking a bit and walking around town. I met a couple friends for dinner and drinks. Again, another one of my ex's friends walks in. She is friendly with one of my friends who I was with and walked up to us. She smiled and said hello to me. I started getting this immensely uncomfortable feeling. What does she think of me? Is she texting my ex right now? What is my ex doing? We left the restaurant and went to see some music and have drinks. To put it mildly, we all had one too many. Frankly, I haven't had more than a couple drinks in months, so it hit me pretty hard. My friends tried to get some girl to talk to me -- she was clearly drunk and a loose cannon, so I immediately lost interest. After leaving the last bar, my one friend who actually works with my ex told me someone she knows saw her at an outing all over some guy. I was immediately crushed and started crying like a baby. I woke up this morning to two "no caller id" missed calls - one after another.

I'm not sure what I'm asking you guys here. Maybe I just needed to get it out there. I'm hurt by the idea of her already potentially being with someone. This was the DAY after she sent me that good luck email. Somehow even though this hurts, I miss her terribly. I don't know why love and pain intertwine like this for me.

[Fateful]

I ultimately was the one who left her, so logically I don't have a leg to stand on. But literally the day after she gave up trying -- she is latching onto someone else. It's devastating to me. How did you guys handle it when you knew your ex had a replacement?

[hope2727]

Well I cried a lot and ate my body weight in expensive ice-cream. They are who they are. Nothing can change them but them. You have only yourself to worry about. So worry about you. What do you want? What do you need? What are your goals?

Ok hope you are feeling better.

[Dhand77]

I ultimately was the one who left her, so logically I don't have a leg to stand on. But literally the day after she gave up trying -- she is latching onto someone else. It's devastating to me. How did you guys handle it when you knew your ex had a replacement?

First I wallowed in self pity. Then I stewed in anger for a few weeks. My situation is pretty screwed, we work in the same building, and she's been having lunch with different guys all the time. When she tried to "kick me when I'm down" on social media on Friday, my friends came to bat for me and put her in her place. I was told Friday night she immediately ran back to the rebound she already chewed up and spit out in less than two months. This weekend, I got MOTIVATED. She can have her alcoholic, karaoke singing never was. This guy is going to win by taking the high road, continuing no contact and flaunting a new improved version of DHand77. Positivity attracts positivity and I'm ready to be positive. It's not an ending, it truly is a new beginning. And I'm just getting started.

[WoundedBibi]

Well I cried a lot and ate my body weight in expensive ice-cream. They are who they are. Nothing can change them but them. You have only yourself to worry about. So worry about you. What do you want? What do you need? What are your goals?

Ok hope you are feeling better.

OH... .ice cream... .

[Fateful]

Thank you guys. Ice cream is looking to be the diet for the week. I'm really breaking apart at the seams here tonight. The past week has been a low point through this whole thing and now I feel like I got hit while knocked down. I don't know how to look at this positively and be strong. It was so painful to hear.

[hope2727]

Thank you guys. Ice cream is looking to be the diet for the week. I'm really breaking apart at the seams here tonight. The past week has been a low point through this whole thing and now I feel like I got hit while knocked down. I don't know how to look at this positively and be strong. It was so painful to hear.

You don't have to find something positive or be strong. You are allowed to be weak. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to cry until you feel like you haven't a tear left in you. This was a terrible thing that happened to you. You didn't deserve any of it. So comfort your soul. Withdraw and rebuild. And when you are ready you will re-enter the world ready to face it with renewed hope and strength. It just isn't today. There is no rush. Take your time. Great wounds take great effort to heal.

[steelwork]

Oh my god, when I found out there was a new girl. Walking around on the street with tears streaming down my face, not caring who saw. It was an out of body experience, almost. Those first three weeks are like a bad dream now. And that was before I knew who she was! That was its own gut punch.

You don't have to find something positive or be strong. You are allowed to be weak. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to cry until you feel like you haven't a tear left in you.

Seconding this. There will be time later to put it in perspective, etc.

[WoundedBibi]

Thank you guys. Ice cream is looking to be the diet for the week. I'm really breaking apart at the seams here tonight. The past week has been a low point through this whole thing and now I feel like I got hit while knocked down. I don't know how to look at this positively and be strong. It was so painful to hear.

Within a relationship with a pwBPD there are already a lot of painful things. The breakup is heart wrenching. Who walked away from whom is not relevant, it's still heart wrenching. A breakup with a pwBPD is like a junkie coming of heroin. It hurts. And you want your fix.

Plus your social life and hers are intertwined; you keep bumping into friends of. That makes if difficult. Her friend number 1 you ran into is making excuses for her. Doesn't help you one bit. Your friends trying to set you up with a girl meant well but it was the wrong girl and way too soon; they were handing you a used bandaid while you have an arterial bleed.

Your friend telling you she was all over some other guy meant well too ("help him get over it" because unless you've been in a BPD or NPD relationship you don't get it.

The 2 missed calls could have been her, could have been anybody. A company selling you a new credit card or whatever. Wouldn't think about those.

Be nice to yourself, give yourself time. And yes, she has moved on ridiculously quickly but that has got nothing to do with you. It matches BPD behaviour; anything or anybody to distract from the inner pain.

[WoundedBibi]

Thank you guys. Ice cream is looking to be the diet for the week. I'm really breaking apart at the seams here tonight. The past week has been a low point through this whole thing and now I feel like I got hit while knocked down. I don't know how to look at this positively and be strong. It was so painful to hear.

You don't have to find something positive or be strong. You are allowed to be weak. You are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to cry until you feel like you haven't a tear left in you. This was a terrible thing that happened to you. You didn't deserve any of it. So comfort your soul. Withdraw and rebuild. And when you are ready you will re-enter the world ready to face it with renewed hope and strength. It just isn't today. There is no rush. Take your time. Great wounds take great effort to heal.

^^^^^^ that