When does the addiction of your exBPD wear off?

[drummerboy5]

When will my exBPD/npd get out of my head? Some days in fine and the next I feel guilt. I feel like I need to text her and try to be friends or something. I dislike this feeling... How long before I can move on?

[Mutt]

Hi drummerboy5,


Healing is a different for everyone. Do you feel pity for your expwBPD?

[Caley]

When will my exBPD/npd get out of my head? Some days in fine and the next I feel guilt. I feel like I need to text her and try to be friends or something. I dislike this feeling... How long before I can move on?

Hello Drummerboy,

There is, no doubt, a theme throughout a lot of threads that refer to 'addiction'... post 'break up'. Just in consideration of the words you have written and taking only those words ... without trying to 'push' you down a path that is influenced by my own experience, can I ask you a question?

Now that you have asked your question ... can you reach into your experience and identify what that addiction is or might have been?

Best wishes,

Caley   

[FannyB]

Hi Drummerboy5

Have you been longer out than in in terms of your BPD relationship?

I found that when I had spent longer away from her (15 months) than I did with her (14 months) that I stopped thinking of her so much.

Fanny

[drummerboy5]

Hi drummerboy5,


Healing is a different for everyone. Do you feel pity for your expwBPD?

I do feel sorry for her and guilty I left her(which was the first time I've stuck up for my feelings) I'm in T and found out I'm codependent/rescuer. I'm working very hard on myself in T because I never put my feeling into consideration... My exBPD/npd is pregnant btw.

[drummerboy5]

When will my exBPD/npd get out of my head? Some days in fine and the next I feel guilt. I feel like I need to text her and try to be friends or something. I dislike this feeling... How long before I can move on?

Hello Drummerboy,

There is, no doubt, a theme throughout a lot of threads that refer to 'addiction'... post 'break up'. Just in consideration of the words you have written and taking only those words ... without trying to 'push' you down a path that is influenced by my own experience, can I ask you a question?

Now that you have asked your question ... can you reach into your experience and identify what that addiction is or might have been?

Best wishes,

Caley   

First off I found out in T that I'm codependent. My exBPD/npd just seems to have ahold of my heart strings, more than any other woman. She is pregnant bra. I guess the addiction parts was the love and how she made me feel for the first couple of months. I want to hold onto the person I met in the beginning I guess

[drummerboy5]

Hi Drummerboy5

Have you been longer out than in in terms of your BPD relationship?

I found that when I had spent longer away from her (15 months) than I did with her (14 months) that I stopped thinking of her so much.

Fanny

6 months I and 6 months out. ExBPD/npd is pregnant btw

[WoundedBibi]

When will my exBPD/npd get out of my head? Some days in fine and the next I feel guilt. I feel like I need to text her and try to be friends or something. I dislike this feeling... How long before I can move on?

Hello Drummerboy,

There is, no doubt, a theme throughout a lot of threads that refer to 'addiction'... post 'break up'. Just in consideration of the words you have written and taking only those words ... without trying to 'push' you down a path that is influenced by my own experience, can I ask you a question?

Now that you have asked your question ... can you reach into your experience and identify what that addiction is or might have been?

Best wishes,

Caley   

First off I found out in T that I'm codependent. My exBPD/npd just seems to have ahold of my heart strings, more than any other woman. She is pregnant bra. I guess the addiction parts was the love and how she made me feel for the first couple of months. I want to hold onto the person I met in the beginning I guess

Do you want to hold on to the person you met in the beginning or the feeling you had in the beginning?

Is she pregnant with your replacement's child? How does that make you feel?

What would friendship with her bring you?

How do you picture a friendship with her?

You say 'friends or something'. What would 'or something' be? Is she in a relationship right now?

[drummerboy5]

When will my exBPD/npd get out of my head? Some days in fine and the next I feel guilt. I feel like I need to text her and try to be friends or something. I dislike this feeling... How long before I can move on?

Hello Drummerboy,

There is, no doubt, a theme throughout a lot of threads that refer to 'addiction'... post 'break up'. Just in consideration of the words you have written and taking only those words ... without trying to 'push' you down a path that is influenced by my own experience, can I ask you a question?

Now that you have asked your question ... can you reach into your experience and identify what that addiction is or might have been?

Best wishes,

Caley  

First off I found out in T that I'm codependent. My exBPD/npd just seems to have ahold of my heart strings, more than any other woman. She is pregnant bra. I guess the addiction parts was the love and how she made me feel for the first couple of months. I want to hold onto the person I met in the beginning I guess

Do you want to hold on to the person you met in the beginning or the feeling you had in the beginning?

Is she pregnant with your replacement's child? How does that make you feel?

What would friendship with her bring you?

How do you picture a friendship with her?

You say 'friends or something'. What would 'or something' be? Is she in a relationship right now?

Well she says the child is mine. We were split up and got back together and prego with in a few week of our reunion. The day before we got back together she was out with another man which I found the pics on fb after a friend informed me of the pics of them together. I had a problem or doubts of her being prego by me because of the other guy, but being codependent and not wanting to say anything out of fear I stayed quite. After she got off meds things got really bad and she was saying things like you are a pos and I find the child another father.

I proposed and the next day "Boom" she was really mean so I left, that was 6 months ago. She's named the child without me, has only allowed me at one doc appt even tho I've paid for it all and she's threatened me to ruin my life if I didn't pay for curtain things.

I don't know if she's in a new relationship as she has been silent since the split, but will reach out once a month, get nasty and block all contact again. I do know that when we split she was flirting on fb with another man that I have mutual friends with and they sent me screenshots of the flirting.

She was a very loving and kind person until about 8 wks prego. She had completely shut me out of her life like I don't exist or never have... Maybe wants keeping me hanging on is the child? maybe since I'm codependent I feel guilty because I left and a child is involved?

She did make me feel special in the beginning by saying I'm the only one that gets it and I'm the only one that's made her feel a certain way since high school, but I'm not sure believe her because of the way she's treated me. I think I'm just having a hard time with everything I guess?

[WoundedBibi]

When will my exBPD/npd get out of my head? Some days in fine and the next I feel guilt. I feel like I need to text her and try to be friends or something. I dislike this feeling... How long before I can move on?

Hello Drummerboy,

There is, no doubt, a theme throughout a lot of threads that refer to 'addiction'... post 'break up'. Just in consideration of the words you have written and taking only those words ... without trying to 'push' you down a path that is influenced by my own experience, can I ask you a question?

Now that you have asked your question ... can you reach into your experience and identify what that addiction is or might have been?

Best wishes,

Caley   

First off I found out in T that I'm codependent. My exBPD/npd just seems to have ahold of my heart strings, more than any other woman. She is pregnant bra. I guess the addiction parts was the love and how she made me feel for the first couple of months. I want to hold onto the person I met in the beginning I guess

Do you want to hold on to the person you met in the beginning or the feeling you had in the beginning?

Is she pregnant with your replacement's child? How does that make you feel?

What would friendship with her bring you?

How do you picture a friendship with her?

You say 'friends or something'. What would 'or something' be? Is she in a relationship right now?

Well she says the child is mine. We were split up and got back together and prego with in a few week of our reunion. The day before we got back together she was out with another man which I found the pics on fb after a friend informed me of the pics of them together. I had a problem or doubts of her being prego by me because of the other guy, but being codependent and not wanting to say anything out of fear I stayed quite. After she got off meds things got really bad and she was saying things like you are a pos and I find the child another father.

I proposed and the next day "Boom" she was really mean so I left, that was 6 months ago. She's named the child without me, has only allowed me at one doc appt even tho I've paid for it all and she's threatened me to ruin my life if I didn't pay for curtain things.

I don't know if she's in a new relationship as she has been silent since the split, but will reach out once a month, get nasty and block all contact again. I do know that when we split she was flirting on fb with another man that I have mutual friends with and they sent me screenshots of the flirting.

She was a very loving and kind person until about 8 wks prego. She had completely shut me out of her life like I don't exist or never have... Maybe wants keeping me hanging on is the child? maybe since I'm codependent I feel guilty because I left and a child is involved?

She did make me feel special in the beginning by saying I'm the only one that gets it and I'm the only one that's made her feel a certain way since high school, but I'm not sure believe her because of the way she's treated me. I think I'm just having a hard time with everything I guess?

So the baby could be yours or not. DNA test needed. Whether you want to be in this baby's life or not. If you don't do a DNA test asap and in 10 years time the baby does turn out to be yours you possibly might have to cough up money going back 10 years.

And you need to figure out what kind of co-parenting arrangements you want to make with her and what kind of dad you want to be if the baby is yours.

She still treats you like crap and you let her.

She threatens to ruin your life if you don't pay for stuff involving the baby. Really? And what could she possibly do to you? Kill you? If you think about it, how REAL are these threats?

Getting to grips with the entire situation, 1) end of a relationship that 2) was an abusive one with a mentally ill person and 3) brought to light your co-dependency issues that 4) also involve a baby that might or might not be yours, will require you to do a bit more digging in your soul, emotions etcetera than just "maybe I feel guilty?" and "I'm having a hard time with all of it I guess?".

Come on drummerboy! There is a baby on the way! And whether if is yours or not makes a MASSIVE difference in where you and your healing are heading.

You need to start working on some stuff pronto. Read as much threads and posts here as possible and the lessons for one. Write things down to undo the mess in your head.

Baby not yours? NC with her as you already know it will lead to more heartache, work on your co-dependency issues with a T and your longing to rescue, for love and so on.

Baby yours? More complicated. What kind of dad do you want to be? What kind of co-parenting arrangements do you want to make? Or do you want to try to form a family with her? Still need to work on your issues with a T.

[drummerboy5]

When will my exBPD/npd get out of my head? Some days in fine and the next I feel guilt. I feel like I need to text her and try to be friends or something. I dislike this feeling... How long before I can move on?

Hello Drummerboy,

There is, no doubt, a theme throughout a lot of threads that refer to 'addiction'... post 'break up'. Just in consideration of the words you have written and taking only those words ... without trying to 'push' you down a path that is influenced by my own experience, can I ask you a question?

Now that you have asked your question ... can you reach into your experience and identify what that addiction is or might have been?

Best wishes,

Caley  

First off I found out in T that I'm codependent. My exBPD/npd just seems to have ahold of my heart strings, more than any other woman. She is pregnant bra. I guess the addiction parts was the love and how she made me feel for the first couple of months. I want to hold onto the person I met in the beginning I guess

Do you want to hold on to the person you met in the beginning or the feeling you had in the beginning?

Is she pregnant with your replacement's child? How does that make you feel?

What would friendship with her bring you?

How do you picture a friendship with her?

You say 'friends or something'. What would 'or something' be? Is she in a relationship right now?

Well she says the child is mine. We were split up and got back together and prego with in a few week of our reunion. The day before we got back together she was out with another man which I found the pics on fb after a friend informed me of the pics of them together. I had a problem or doubts of her being prego by me because of the other guy, but being codependent and not wanting to say anything out of fear I stayed quite. After she got off meds things got really bad and she was saying things like you are a pos and I find the child another father.

I proposed and the next day "Boom" she was really mean so I left, that was 6 months ago. She's named the child without me, has only allowed me at one doc appt even tho I've paid for it all and she's threatened me to ruin my life if I didn't pay for curtain things.

I don't know if she's in a new relationship as she has been silent since the split, but will reach out once a month, get nasty and block all contact again. I do know that when we split she was flirting on fb with another man that I have mutual friends with and they sent me screenshots of the flirting.

She was a very loving and kind person until about 8 wks prego. She had completely shut me out of her life like I don't exist or never have... Maybe wants keeping me hanging on is the child? maybe since I'm codependent I feel guilty because I left and a child is involved?

She did make me feel special in the beginning by saying I'm the only one that gets it and I'm the only one that's made her feel a certain way since high school, but I'm not sure believe her because of the way she's treated me. I think I'm just having a hard time with everything I guess?

So the baby could be yours or not. DNA test needed. Whether you want to be in this baby's life or not. If you don't do a DNA test asap and in 10 years time the baby does turn out to be yours you possibly might have to cough up money going back 10 years.

And you need to figure out what kind of co-parenting arrangements you want to make with her and what kind of dad you want to be if the baby is yours.

She still treats you like crap and you let her.

She threatens to ruin your life if you don't pay for stuff involving the baby. Really? And what could she possibly do to you? Kill you? If you think about it, how REAL are these threats?

Getting to grips with the entire situation, 1) end of a relationship that 2) was an abusive one with a mentally ill person and 3) brought to light your co-dependency issues that 4) also involve a baby that might or might not be yours, will require you to do a bit more digging in your soul, emotions etcetera than just "maybe I feel guilty?" and "I'm having a hard time with all of it I guess?".

Come on drummerboy! There is a baby on the way! And whether if is yours or not makes a MASSIVE difference in where you and your healing are heading.

You need to start working on some stuff pronto. Read as much threads and posts here as possible and the lessons for one. Write things down to undo the mess in your head.

Baby not yours? NC with her as you already know it will lead to more heartache, work on your co-dependency issues with a T and your longing to rescue, for love and so on.

Baby yours? More complicated. What kind of dad do you want to be? What kind of co-parenting arrangements do you want to make? Or do you want to try to form a family with her? Still need to work on your issues with a T.

I agree with you and my T asked me the same question about the future... Im working very hard with my T to change myself and make me a stronger person. If child is mine I want to be apart of the child's life, but need to figure out the best possible way to co parent... Thank you for your response and you are right! I will read everything you suggested. Btw she threatened to ruin my reputation if I didn't pay her insurance co pay which I did.

[WoundedBibi]

So she tried to blackmail you and it worked...

Would she ACTUALLY be able to ruin your reputation?

Your reputation with whom? Within your group of friends? Your town? Your employer?

By doing what? Saying you left her while pregnant? Then she needs to be able to prove the baby is yours... .Would people believe her in whatever she threatened to say?

And how would she do this ruining? Post it on social media?

Could it be that it was the fear of what she might do more than what she actually could do that made you pay?

[drummerboy5]

So she tried to blackmail you and it worked...

Would she ACTUALLY be able to ruin your reputation?

Your reputation with whom? Within your group of friends? Your town? Your employer?

By doing what? Saying you left her while pregnant? Then she needs to be able to prove the baby is yours... .Would people believe her in whatever she threatened to say?

And how would she do this ruining? Post it on social media?

Could it be that it was the fear of what she might do more than what she actually could do that made you pay?

Said she would bash me on social media and employer/future employers. The people that mean anything to me know what's gone on and why I left.