A little odd...

[Hadlee]

Just last week I changed the privacy setting on Facebook, so only friends of friends could send me a friend request.  This was to stop the requests I was receiving from fake profiles.

Yesterday, I added a new male friend, and he wrote a hello on my page.  So today he contacts me to ask who so and so is because that person sent him a friend request.  The person happens to be the exbf of my former friend with BPD, who I am friends with on Facebook, but not the BPD.

The exbf has never done this before with ANY of my friends, who quite often write on my page.  If there was anyone he would befriend, I would think it would be a female

Timing is interesting in this as I have just started blocking the BPD's exbf from seeing my posts as I had a weird gut instinct the BPD was snooping.  It was only a hunch, but a big one at that.

I've read where a number of people say that pwBPD are notorious for logging into their SO's accounts, so I find this rather "fishy".

Anyone else think this is odd timing?

[Hadlee]

So I confirmed that it wasn't the exbf that sent my friend a friend request.  I am angry, I am frustrated, and I am so very over this crap.  To think my former friend has been lurking and viewing my Facebook page without my knowledge makes me feel sick.  I feel like my privacy has been violated.  Maybe that's a bit melodramatic, but that's how I feel.

Any amount of compassion I had left for her has now gone... .completely gone.  I wish she would just give up and leave me the heck alone. 

Damn you BPD for finding your way into my life!

Sorry for the vent

[gotbushels]

Hi busygall:) I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your privacy issue. Good job on increasing your settings though:)

I've read where a number of people say that pwBPD are notorious for logging into their SO's accounts, so I find this rather "fishy".

Anyone else think this is odd timing?

When I was with my BPD ex, there was a time she went through every single one of my digital accounts looking for dirt. After we broke up I changed all the security logins on all of them. That includes all the verification processes. So if things need my verification, it has to be by phone call to only my mobile or sms by "old school" text. Same with my old emails. It was necessary as my ex's behaviour was unpredictable, violent and crazy. Feel free to share this with that BPD's ex if it persuades him to do the same. I think this should be mandatory for any non that is serious about breaking it off. BPs can be extremely hazardous people.

Vent all you want. I found this educational. Thank you. I don't read about the BPD in friendships combination often. I've only come across strange friendship behaviour in real life once or twice.   

[Hadlee]

Thanks gotbushels.  Appreciate your response.

I've thought about talking to her ex, but he still defends her, and I noticed recently that they are talking again.    It's very clear to me now just how much she manipulated him.

The friendship dynamic is turning out to be harder than that of my relationship with my exBPD bf.  Although, he had more Narc traits, whereas the ex-friend is full blown BPD.  No offense to any women here, but my experience is that they are much worse than the men!  This one is incredibly smart, sneaky and so very good with the mind fvck routine.

I remembered this morning a time when she said to me that her and her bf knew each others passwords to all online accounts.  She told me that he used to hack into peoples Facebook accounts.  I now believe it was her that was doing it.  I did check my setting to make sure it was selected that I be notified of any unusual log in activity.  Perhaps Facebook had reset itself, but I noticed that it was switched off when I used to have it on.  The last email I received about a log in from a different device was last year.  Anyway, I've rectified that now should she try and hack mine.

[gotbushels]

Anyway, I've rectified that now should she try and hack mine.

Good job.

Yikes. Sorry I assumed that he was beyond the point of clean break with her. I guess not, especially since you shared

I've thought about talking to her ex, but he still defends her, and I noticed recently that they are talking again.    It's very clear to me now just how much she manipulated him.

Perhaps you're better off avoiding the drama altogether. I was no use to my friends when I was caught with my ex in her garbage bin.

[C.Stein]

I can understand your frustration BG.   If Facebook and privacy is a concern then remove yourself from Facebook entirely.   Privacy and Facebook are not synonymous.

[Hadlee]

I can understand your frustration BG.   If Facebook and privacy is a concern then remove yourself from Facebook entirely.   Privacy and Facebook are not synonymous.

That's just the dilemma I have, CS.  I run my newly created blog page from my own account, hence my apprehension about deactivating Facebook.  Also, I use it to keep in touch with family overseas.

I agree that removing myself from Facebook would solve the problem.  It's just I have other things tied to it.  Will need to give it some thought as I am so OVER IT.  Clearly, the pwBPD isn't going to change, so I have to be the one to change

Thanks for your comment.

Is there anything else at all I can do to get rid of her?  Any tips would be much appreciated right now

[C.Stein]

Is there anything else at all I can do to get rid of her?

You can't get rid of her.  All you can do is accept her for who she is and make a choice not to let her antics bother you.   Do what is needed to keep her out of your life in order to limit her opportunities to get under your skin and let her just be who she is.   Eventually she will lose interest.  Right now you are making conscious choice to let her get to you, so you are not really over it at all.  This is something you can control.  I know it is hard, especially when someone is trying to bust your boundaries.

You can do it BG