I asked a friend who is a psychologist who knows my ex briefly. I asked him if they ever get better or do they just die alone. He said "they always take prisoners." It still baffles me as to why they just can't keep a good thing going. Why mess up good relationships to then go into a much worse one, with less money, less structure, etc. Any insight? Do they ever realize that they have a good thing and not screw it up?
Have you ever went to step over something, tripped, stumbled, and wasn't sure if you were going to fall or not? If so, imagine that feeling again. Now imagine experiencing that sensation everyday, except as an emotion you feel while trying to navigate close relationships. That's BPD. They can't trust their own feelings, let alone trust you.
As sweet said, even with comedic relief, they are mentally ill. They don't set out to destroy a r/s. They don't have an endgame, they lack the forethought for such things. PwBPD experience r/s like a seesaw. On one end is the fear of abandonment, the other fear of engulfment. This is true for everyone. We (nons) stand in the middle and if the seesaw tilts, we step a little to balance it. A pwBPD begins running headlong from one end to the other. When they reach the end, they spin around without slowing down, and go the opposite way. Eventually, the seesaw gets to going up and down at a rapid pace. This is when they typically triangulate. They place one foot on a 'new' seesaw. This causes the 'old' (you) seesaw to slow. So now it's balanced and they start going back and forth, straddling both seesaws. Since BPDs can't trust their feelings, they never fully trust the old seesaw again. After all, it was out of control once before, so it must be defective. But guess what? That new seesaw is nice, new, stable, and strong. It's safe. It's the answer. So they'll jump to the new seesaw and start the whole process over again. This is a never ending cycle for them. The seesaws aren't damaged... .they are. But they can't see it.
