What to do if she texts etc

[confusedbloke]

Just wondered how to react if she does ever get in touch. Say, if she texts and it's something nice. Do I ignore it or politely say "thank you" etc?

Obviously if it's nasty then I will ignore. Just wondered what the best practice should be and be prepared.

Thanks

[Ahoy]

"I'm sorry I don't have your number. Who is this?"

[confusedbloke]

Not sure if that will look like Im trying to engage her though... .  I just want to do the bare minimum... .anything that stops her from being triggered by me... .

I suppose if I don't respond... She will eventually get the hint... .?

[Ahoy]

Not sure if that will look like Im trying to engage her though... . I just want to do the bare minimum... .anything that stops her from being triggered by me... .

I suppose if I don't respond... She will eventually get the hint... .?

Exactly. I was just being silly. From what I read your silence is absolutely the most powerful weapon in your arsenal

[confusedbloke]

Yeah I think ur right ahoy. I can just imagine getting a text today wishing me a good time tonight as we are off to see manic street preachers tonight...

Just wanted to be prepared!

[married21years]

i ignore as much as possible! 

[once removed]

have you had a chance to read through the communication techniques on the Improving board? BIFF (brief, informative, friendly, firm) works really well in the kind of situation youre describing, that is, if you respond at all.

[HostNoMore]

If you have a smartphone, you can get a blacklisting app for both calls and sms texts.  You then set it so it shows no notification of the message.  You will go days before you read it.

I'm using things I learned here from my borderline experiences to help me deal with someone who I highly believe is Anti Social PD and that blocker both keeps me from being bothered by him and allows me to control contact. 

[confusedbloke]

Thanks once. Tbh I jut don't want to respond or see her or have anything to do with her at all. I don't want any form of communication with her in the slightest... .so I guess that answers my question.  I just got a bit freaked out the other day and questioned my own strength as to whether i would respond if she did text. She didn't anyway so that was ok.

That night felt like the final goodbye. She knew I was going there, but now she knows nothing about what I'm doing. And that nakes me feel in control. And I know nothing about her either. I don't even think I'm interested to know. Wasted a lot of effort always wondering that. I feel like I'm gaining control.

It's funny, my 5 year old boy just got in a mood with me cos he's stacking dominoes and the wind blew them over. It was quite reminiscent of exBPDgf. He stayed in a mood for an hour, then just snapped out of it and we carried on having fun. That's what it felt like with ex, but because she was a grown woman my mind couldn't comprehend it... .and the mood lssted 3 days. You expect a 5 year old to behave that way, not a grown up. But I'm really starting to understand this disorder. I think having kids is really helping me to move on.

Hi host. Tried to download the app but my phone hates me and won't allow me haha! Then I thought about it. If I put a block on her number,  I'm not sure if I would always be wondering if she text / called. I think I would rather face it head on and deal with it if it happens. I suppose doing it this way there will never be any wondering and maybe ending up taking the ban off and being back to square one.

Cheerd

[gotbushels]

Just wondered how to react if she does ever get in touch. Say, if she texts and it's something nice. Do I ignore it or politely say "thank you" etc?

Obviously if it's nasty then I will ignore. Just wondered what the best practice should be and be prepared.

Thanks

Lol. Nice or not nice, I'd just think it's a trap. I think Once_removed had the ideal answer :P but I'll put this lazy suggestion here. I'm with the crowd saying, "You can actually not read it altogether."

[bus boy]

Hi confusedbloke, no contact seems to be the magic answer. I share a child with my ex bottomless pit of evil and I have learned how to live with no contact. In my case she is extremely toxic so I must protect my mental health, in turn it makes me stronger for s9.

[DazedD23]

Mine did last night after initially being the one that wanted no contact!

"I just wanted you to know that i miss you and your always in my thoughts"

Blew my head right off as was having a calmer moment and really not expecting a txt.

I responded saying, ditto and asked she gave my step daughter a kiss for me.

I know i shouldnt and i dont know why i did. Low and behold she's gone back in to no contact mode again.

Bizzare

[bus boy]

They do strange things. Mine wouldn't talk to me, than out of the blue get a text, asking if I was home or if I was in town. I would answer and be back in silent mode.

[DazedD23]

She hit me up again after I finished work. Apparently I'm her best friend and she wants and needs me in her life! Say what? Best friends don't do the things to one another that you have done to me. She apparently got sacked from her job yesterday as well.

I replied but kept myself in check. I knew I'd open up the door to pain as she went on to say how much she loves me, I'm the best thing to happen to her, yet at the in the same txt tell me everything that is wrong with me for her. Asking if I'll be there for her because she can't lose me and she'll be patient waiting for my friendship. Really, say effing what?

I suggested she see her gp but she's adamant she's ok on her anti deps and doesn't need to see the GP. So nothing changes in my mind.  

I've left it now. Not bothering with replying as I have nothing to say. I'm slowly but surely starting to connect the dots. Back in to no contact mode.

My advice don't place yourself in the firing line to feed someone else's disease.