Need affirmation. Am I split black?

[sweet tooth]

But that is a good way to look at it.

I'm still conflicted and feeling a lot of dissonance. The naive part of me is holding onto who I thought that she is. The manipulation and masking are very powerful, I'm afraid.

You're right, though. In the long run it probably is good that she cut me out. I'mjust having a hard time coping with the Jekyll & Hyde, conflicting presentations of reality. Does that make sense?

I appreciate that you're trying to help me view this in a healthy way.

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm still conflicted and feeling a lot of dissonance. The naive part of me is holding onto who I thought that she is. The manipulation and masking are very powerful, I'm afraid.

There you go, now you're focusing on your stuff.  :)igging into what you label "naive" and what you're holding onto and why is where the growth is, and yes, you're still exactly who you're supposed to be and exactly where you're supposed to be, that doesn't mean you can't grow.  And growth is optional too, you don't have to, and that may lead to another relationship with someone with a personality disorder and you won't know it until you're in deep, motivational yes?

A borderline will be whomever she needs to be to attach; she discovered who you needed her to be and became that, a fiction, and one you're still holding onto, even though it was never her.  And if you spend the time now getting clear on who you thought she was and why you wanted to be with that girl, then you can take that focus out into the world and meet someone who is really that, without the fiction.

You're right, though. In the long run it probably is good that she cut me out. I'mjust having a hard time coping with the Jekyll & Hyde, conflicting presentations of reality. Does that make sense?

It makes sense in the sense that we were in relationships with people with mental illnesses, and didn't know it at first.  That will work a number on your sanity and it takes a while to sort it all out.  You're doing fine, and time and distance from her will help.

I appreciate that you're trying to help me view this in a healthy way.

I went through the exact same sht dude, it ain't easy, but nothing worth it is.  The girl of your dreams is in your future, and you get to get over the ex first, the only way out is through.  Take care of you!

[Leonis]

You and I are on the exact same wavelength here. Did your person flip-flop life and career goals? Did she vilify her former exes? Did she have a victim mentality? Would she disappear and ignore you for weeks? Did she flip-flop regarding the nature of the relationship? Did she cut you off without discussion during the final discard?

1. Flip-flop on career goals? Long before she met me, she wanted to be a nurse. Then, a pharmacist. She even got certified to be a pharmacy tech. Eventually, she decided patient contact was too difficult for her, so she chose med tech. We met on our internship. Within the last 6 months, she decided that she wants to go back for an associate's in sonography to work her way into an imaging tech (another bachelor's).

2. Vilify - she actually only talked bad about ex #3, but they weren't malicious comments. She pointed out that he physically stopped her from leaving him and faked injuries to trick her into seeing him. Other than that, the constant lying by him. The guy was an army ranger with PTSD who was 12 years older than her. I imagine she may have picked up a possible uBPD there and they simply messed each other up. After that relationship, she didn't date for nearly two years.

Hilariously, during our breakup talk, she talked about she would have married him if he could have gotten his issues in check, etc. Apparently, he really understood her languages of love and all that nonsense.

3. Victim mentality - my ex kept calling me out on it saying that I'm pretending to be a victim during the first part of our breakup process when I was just upset she pulled it out of nowhere (from my perspective).

4. Disappear - she only did that during our most recent breakup. It was radio silent for days. Then, when we were supposed to go on a trip together, she ran away on her own for a week.

5. Flip-flop - Our relationship went like this:

a. Started dating, good for 5 months.

b. Breaking off things, still maintained contact

c. Got back together, became intimate

d. Hiccups again, I became cautious

e. She eventually brought up marriage, I let my guard down

f. Minor incidents/emotional outbursts that were calmed

g. Making wedding plans.

h. Broke (emotionally), started breakup process

i. Odd interactions and physical intimacy during the said process

j. Resolution, still maintaining low contact

6. Final discard - I don't think it's final. She hasn't blocked my number yet. She just thinks it's unhealthy for us to see each other again because she still wants to jump in bed with me.

[sweet tooth]

You and I are on the exact same wavelength here. Did your person flip-flop life and career goals? Did she vilify her former exes? Did she have a victim mentality? Would she disappear and ignore you for weeks? Did she flip-flop regarding the nature of the relationship? Did she cut you off without discussion during the final discard?

1. Flip-flop on career goals? Long before she met me, she wanted to be a nurse. Then, a pharmacist. She even got certified to be a pharmacy tech. Eventually, she decided patient contact was too difficult for her, so she chose med tech. We met on our internship. Within the last 6 months, she decided that she wants to go back for an associate's in sonography to work her way into an imaging tech (another bachelor's).

2. Vilify - she actually only talked bad about ex #3, but they weren't malicious comments. She pointed out that he physically stopped her from leaving him and faked injuries to trick her into seeing him. Other than that, the constant lying by him. The guy was an army ranger with PTSD who was 12 years older than her. I imagine she may have picked up a possible uBPD there and they simply messed each other up. After that relationship, she didn't date for nearly two years.

Hilariously, during our breakup talk, she talked about she would have married him if he could have gotten his issues in check, etc. Apparently, he really understood her languages of love and all that nonsense.

3. Victim mentality - my ex kept calling me out on it saying that I'm pretending to be a victim during the first part of our breakup process when I was just upset she pulled it out of nowhere (from my perspective).

4. Disappear - she only did that during our most recent breakup. It was radio silent for days. Then, when we were supposed to go on a trip together, she ran away on her own for a week.

5. Flip-flop - Our relationship went like this:

a. Started dating, good for 5 months.

b. Breaking off things, still maintained contact

c. Got back together, became intimate

d. Hiccups again, I became cautious

e. She eventually brought up marriage, I let my guard down

f. Minor incidents/emotional outbursts that were calmed

g. Making wedding plans.

h. Broke (emotionally), started breakup process

i. Odd interactions and physical intimacy during the said process

j. Resolution, still maintaining low contact

6. Final discard - I don't think it's final. She hasn't blocked my number yet. She just thinks it's unhealthy for us to see each other again because she still wants to jump in bed with me.

Yours sounds more emotionally stable than mine. I don't know if she's done with me yet, either. You hear about guys on here who hear from their ex months, a year, or decades later. Who knows?

[steelwork]

I don't know if she's done with me yet, either. You hear about guys on here who hear from their ex months, a year, or decades later. Who knows?

Maybe, if/when you hear from her again, you will be done with her and it will be moot! Here's hoping.

[Leonis]

Yours sounds more emotionally stable than mine. I don't know if she's done with me yet, either. You hear about guys on here who hear from their ex months, a year, or decades later. Who knows?

Relatively speaking, yes.

She did go on the "everything is your fault" phase during our breakup by listing miniscule things that triggered her fears. There were pregnancy scares, of all the ones I knew the tests came out negative. Oh yeah, and that one time she insisted that she expelled a 6-week old fetus in the shower by making me looking at that lump of tissues(?) that did look like it. Ugh, so weird to think back on it.

Overall, I don't think she's over the top unstable. Her troubles with close personal relationships and friendships seem rather prominent.

Speaking of done, she actually texted me today.

[sweet tooth]

Yours sounds more emotionally stable than mine. I don't know if she's done with me yet, either. You hear about guys on here who hear from their ex months, a year, or decades later. Who knows?

Relatively speaking, yes.

She did go on the "everything is your fault" phase during our breakup by listing miniscule things that triggered her fears. There were pregnancy scares, of all the ones I knew the tests came out negative. Oh yeah, and that one time she insisted that she expelled a 6-week old fetus in the shower by making me looking at that lump of tissues(?) that did look like it. Ugh, so weird to think back on it.

Overall, I don't think she's over the top unstable. Her troubles with close personal relationships and friendships seem rather prominent.

Speaking of done, she actually texted me today.

What is this about a fetus... .? Since I never had sex with mine I never dealt with any nonsense like that. That would have definitely put me over the edge.

What did she text you and how did you reply?

[Leonis]

What is this about a fetus... .? Since I never had sex with mine I never dealt with any nonsense like that. That would have definitely put me over the edge.

What did she text you and how did you reply?

Oh, she apparently had a miscarriage back in October. The text conversation was mentioned in my thread.

[sweet tooth]

What is this about a fetus... .? Since I never had sex with mine I never dealt with any nonsense like that. That would have definitely put me over the edge.

What did she text you and how did you reply?

Oh, she apparently had a miscarriage back in October. The text conversation was mentioned in my thread.

Do you think the miscarriage story was BS?

[Leonis]

Do you think the miscarriage story was BS?

Possibly. She had mentioned she felt sick and nauseated, but all the pregnancy tests she had let me know were negative.

She was on the pill during that time (a progesterone-based) and we didn't use another form of BC in conjunction. She claimed she was still ovulating. After she had a bad reaction with Nuvaring (an estrogen-based) in December, we switched to condoms.

During our breakup process, we were using the timing and withdrawal method.

[sweet tooth]

Do you think the miscarriage story was BS?

Possibly. She had mentioned she felt sick and nauseated, but all the pregnancy tests she had let me know were negative.

She was on the pill during that time (a progesterone-based) and we didn't use another form of BC in conjunction. She claimed she was still ovulating. After she had a bad reaction with Nuvaring (an estrogen-based) in December, we switched to condoms.

During our breakup process, we were using the timing and withdrawal method.

You can't trust these people who it comes to health (or anything, for that matter). My ex constantly complained about physical ailments. In hindsight, I strongly believe most of her physical problems were exaggerated at the very least. She complained about her thyroid and the doctor always said her levels were normal. She fell and hurt her knee. There was no fracture, but she limped and wore some kind of brace. She went to the ER because her throat was "on fire." She took her daughter to the doctor because she found bruises on the daughter. She was basically accusing her ex-husband of abusing the kid. The doctor told her that the bruises looked like normal childhood bruises. Was this stuff for attention? I can't say for certain. At the very least it's suspicious.

If you ever have sex with this woman again, or anybody similar to her, I strongly recommend that you use a condom that you supply every time. She can't be trusted. You don't want to risk having a child with somebody you don't trust.

[Leonis]

You can't trust these people who it comes to health (or anything, for that matter). My ex constantly complained about physical ailments. In hindsight, I strongly believe most of her physical problems were exaggerated at the very least. She complained about her thyroid and the doctor always said her levels were normal. She fell and hurt her knee. There was no fracture, but she limped and wore some kind of brace. She went to the ER because her throat was "on fire." She took her daughter to the doctor because she found bruises on the daughter. She was basically accusing her ex-husband of abusing the kid. The doctor told her that the bruises looked like normal childhood bruises. Was this stuff for attention? I can't say for certain. At the very least it's suspicious.

If you ever have sex with this woman again, or anybody similar to her, I strongly recommend that you use a condom that you supply every time. She can't be trusted. You don't want to risk having a child with somebody you don't trust.

Haha, funny you mentioned the thyroid. My ex did claim to have a bit of a thyroid issue too.

It was during our breakup process she mentioned how her right ovary has been hurting since October and it's probably just ovarian cysts. Of the two doctor's appointments she was supposed to go get that checked out, she only went to one as far as I know (or so she said).

Speaking of trust. Yeah, the last time I saw her and I was hesitating to finish the inevitable. She even said that if I didn't believe it was her safe day, I could check her calendar. Of course, being as dumb as I was, I let it all inside her anyways. That was the 23rd of May. And we did the same thing on the 11th of May (she said I didn't pull out properly). I'm not hearing any pregnancy scare from her, so stay-tuned.

[sweet tooth]

You can't trust these people who it comes to health (or anything, for that matter). My ex constantly complained about physical ailments. In hindsight, I strongly believe most of her physical problems were exaggerated at the very least. She complained about her thyroid and the doctor always said her levels were normal. She fell and hurt her knee. There was no fracture, but she limped and wore some kind of brace. She went to the ER because her throat was "on fire." She took her daughter to the doctor because she found bruises on the daughter. She was basically accusing her ex-husband of abusing the kid. The doctor told her that the bruises looked like normal childhood bruises. Was this stuff for attention? I can't say for certain. At the very least it's suspicious.

If you ever have sex with this woman again, or anybody similar to her, I strongly recommend that you use a condom that you supply every time. She can't be trusted. You don't want to risk having a child with somebody you don't trust.

Haha, funny you mentioned the thyroid. My ex did claim to have a bit of a thyroid issue too.

It was during our breakup process she mentioned how her right ovary has been hurting since October and it's probably just ovarian cysts. Of the two doctor's appointments she was supposed to go get that checked out, she only went to one as far as I know (or so she said).

Speaking of trust. Yeah, the last time I saw her and I was hesitating to finish the inevitable. She even said that if I didn't believe it was her safe day, I could check her calendar. Of course, being as dumb as I was, I let it all inside her anyways. That was the 23rd of May. And we did the same thing on the 11th of May (she said I didn't pull out properly). I'm not hearing any pregnancy scare from her, so stay-tuned.

Mine claimed she was on thyroid medication. One time, in my presence, she kept touching her throat and saying how hot it was. Then she kept saying how her hormones were off and she felt like she did when she was pregnant. Then we went to w restaurant and she started binge eating. She said she had a craving for onion rings or something. Keep in mind, this was an hour after we ate a pizza and drank wine. Totally bizarre.

The sex isn't worth it, man. ALWAYS use some kind of physical BC. You don't want to be stuck with a kid. That's a whole different ball of wax. My ex vilified her husband. TWO YEARS later the divorce isn't finalized. They went to court over 20 times (according to her). NOT WORTH IT. [/i][/u]

[sweet tooth]

You can't trust these people who it comes to health (or anything, for that matter). My ex constantly complained about physical ailments. In hindsight, I strongly believe most of her physical problems were exaggerated at the very least. She complained about her thyroid and the doctor always said her levels were normal. She fell and hurt her knee. There was no fracture, but she limped and wore some kind of brace. She went to the ER because her throat was "on fire." She took her daughter to the doctor because she found bruises on the daughter. She was basically accusing her ex-husband of abusing the kid. The doctor told her that the bruises looked like normal childhood bruises. Was this stuff for attention? I can't say for certain. At the very least it's suspicious.

If you ever have sex with this woman again, or anybody similar to her, I strongly recommend that you use a condom that you supply every time. She can't be trusted. You don't want to risk having a child with somebody you don't trust.

Haha, funny you mentioned the thyroid. My ex did claim to have a bit of a thyroid issue too.

It was during our breakup process she mentioned how her right ovary has been hurting since October and it's probably just ovarian cysts. Of the two doctor's appointments she was supposed to go get that checked out, she only went to one as far as I know (or so she said).

Speaking of trust. Yeah, the last time I saw her and I was hesitating to finish the inevitable. She even said that if I didn't believe it was her safe day, I could check her calendar. Of course, being as dumb as I was, I let it all inside her anyways. That was the 23rd of May. And we did the same thing on the 11th of May (she said I didn't pull out properly). I'm not hearing any pregnancy scare from her, so stay-tuned.

[Leonis]

Knowing her, I'm not sure if she'd let me know even if she's pregnant by this point.

[sweet tooth]

Knowing her, I'm not sure if she'd let me know even if she's pregnant by this point.

That's somebody you cannot trust. Do you still care about her?