Is this love?

[JerryRG]

Ok I'm tired and all but I cannot help but believe my exgf still loves me. I may be insane, heck I know I'm insane but why the heck else would she invest so much energy into bugging me.

I know she don't love me but in her little world I wonder what the little hamster is really chasing to keep that wheel forever spinning... .

Oh well, I need to sleep.

Got a few grey hairs today, dodging bullets is no easy task. Being in a parental relationship with a pwBPD is not for sissys. Don't sign up unless you're ready to ride this train all the way into the night.

[Turkish]

Based upon what you share,  and despite her previous false accusations,  it certainly seems that she is still attached to you,  perhaps even fond of you on some level.  My ex is of me.  The kids told me Monday that she called her husband stupid in front of them last weekend.  She used to shame me in other areas,  but she never called me "stupid." I sense the turn back to me a while ago.  External boundaries are key here; the emotional ones,  harder.

If she's nice to you,  leaving aside her invalidating (to you) comments about her bf, how does this feel to you? 

[JerryRG]

She brings up her bf in almost every conversation we have, that bothers me because she knows it's innapprotpiate and disrespectful and I've asked her to stop. I don't bring up my personal life to her because I know it isn't right, appropriate or kind.

I know she treats him like she did me or perhaps worse? Her and I got into some push and shove matches and it wasn't fighting, once I asked her to leave my apartment and she wouldn't leave and she tried to steal my phone and we wrestled, the other time she blocked her door so I couldn't leave, again push and shove. She could have called the police but didn't.

Who knows? She's an angry child

[Turkish]

Now her anger is directed towards the person with whom she's in a romantic relationship.  Better him than you.  Take advantage of this by being ":)addy" to your son... .and maybe a little to her though don't telegraph that.  It could be that she may get to a point where she looks to you for leadership as a father.  Being out of the r/s, it's possible to rise to a level of awareness and maturity we may not have been able to while in the r/s. I keep my eyes fixed on the goal of helping my kids. 

[JerryRG]

Great insight Turkish

She never had a father and I don't want that job, I almost get to a point of acceptance but she does things like accusing me of rape that punch the air out of my ego.

I know it's not suppose to bother me but I still allow it. I've always felt like her father in that she's so immature. Raising 2 children when we were together. I don't like these growing pains because it isn't comfortable. I guess if I want to mature I must do it as it comes and accept life on life's terms.

New concept for me... .

Thanks so much Turkish, I trust your experience and wisdom

[Turkish]

About a year before she left,  I realized that my r/s was very much father-daughter.  I imagine that a lot of the women here may have felt similarly on the other side.  A friend of mine told me he had observed it long before I realized it. Little is more enticing than the unconditional love of a child? The idealization phase.  With that comes the opposite emotional pole of devaluation.  You have a kid,  you know how it is.  It can switch within minutes.

Unlike a child,  adults are independent entities, free to make their own choices. It hurt a lot for me until I realized this. My T pointed this out,  even though he thought my Ex "lacked wisdom" and maturity.  He had two individual sessions with her before she quit. 

This may not work for you,  but it's been working for me,  to be the stable,  adult voice as a parent.  We have both the kids going into counseling.  We have the intake for D4 tomorrow morning.  As much as I don't like it,  I have to stay engaged.  A core trait of pwBPD is shame, or self hatred. I do my best to not trigger that. She went Waif after the last session with S6, "I'm trying to be a better mom. " Angry Turkish had a choice response to that,  but my logical side let it go.  I won't engage in unhealthy triangulation (I'm not her rescuer). There is,  however, nothing wrong with being kind.  With boundaries 

[JerryRG]

I can sure understand my exgf much better when looking at her and comparing her behaviour to that of my 2 year old son. His moods switch on a dime and he cannot regulate his emotions so yes that is how she's like.

This is like AA, some things come so easy and understandable but other things are just out of my grasp of comprehension.

I hope this is the point you were making?