My exPBD just attempted suicide

[TooRational]

Hi,

I need a little help coping with this. Within a span of two weeks, my new girlfriend (6 mo r/s) dumped me and now my exBPD attempted suicide by slitting her wrists two days ago (I spent the whole day yesterday with her at the hospital). I had been taking the separation from my wife (18 y marriage, 2 kids) fairly well all things considered, but this double whammy is very hard on me.

I've been covering for my ex for almost a year now since the split. She often can't handle the custody schedule we have agreed on (50/50) so I had to cancel plans with my (now ex) girlfriend often. I'm also still her first confident and the one she turns to for support, and she has needed lots of support lately (severe depression).

I'm tired of being "the rock", holding the fort for the kids. I have my vulnerabilities too but I can't afford to be weak. I have very few friends but the ones I have are very close fortunately, which is what is keeping me sane.

I'm not sure what is the hardest thing, being dumped by a girl I really loved or this recent suicide attempt. Why can't I have a normal, simple life? I just want to be happy with my kids, spend time with friends and hopefully fall in love with someone who will love me as much as I love her. Is that too much to ask?

I'm an introvert but I now realize that I do need to spend time with people. I'm not happy alone, especially when it's not by choice. My social life has been low since having kids 7 years ago. Yesterday was Quebec's national holiday (like July 1st) and it's hard to see acquaintances on Facebook posting picture of their party, while I wasn't invited to any. I need to start making new friends but it's easier said than done.

[steelwork]

Just want to extend my sympathy. That's a lot to deal with.

[Lilyroze]

Same as steelwork, just wanted to extend my sympathy. You are dealing with so much. Is there any family members or your close friends that could help with the kids once in awhile? How about her side of family, and help there?

What are small goals or wishes you can start to do for you when you do have the time?

[Larmoyant]

TooRational, my heart goes out to you too. 

[TooRational]

Thanks everyone for your support. This forum is full of great people.

Fortunately my parents are very helpful and do take the kids often. That helps a lot. Still, this is all very hard. I'm fighting hard not to get depressed myself. Posting on this board is one of the things that helps.

Lilyroze: one goal I have is to run a 10k below 45 min at a race mid-August. This is a good challenge but achievable and this goal helps me get off my butt to go running. Keeping in shape is another way I'm coping.

[LilMe]

  TooRational,

I am sorry this is all happening!  It sounds like you are doing the best you can in the situation.  Your children are fortunate to have you in their life!

[heartandwhole]

Hi TooRational,

I'm so sorry.    That is a really hard blow. I can understand your needing lots of support right now. I know I'd be reeling. I'm really glad that you reached out. Please lean on your close friends. I know it's hard, seeing as your nature is to be the "rock," but the support would really benefit you right now. It's a vulnerable time for you, after the breakup, and witnessing your ex in such a state.

Is there a way you can take a time out, i.e. work a little less, take a long weekend, let your children spend time with your parents or other family, while you get some much needed time to feel supported and cared for?

Keep posting, TooRational, and let us know how you (and your ex) are doing. It helps to write out your feelings and stay connected with people who care.

heartandwhole

[TooRational]

My closest friends are also close to my ex and as soon as they come back from their current trip to Maine, they'll actually host my ex for a week. So while I can count on them, their energy is going towards my ex for the time being, and it's fine. I need to find help elsewhere. I have my parents at least who can help with the kids. T I have other friends too but not as close. his forum is one good help, please keep posting.

My ex attempted suicide again this afternoon. The other wrist this time. I'm with her now and she can't be left alone. The help she has been getting from the health system has been poor to say the least. According to them, she's not technically depressed because she doesn't spend all day in bed and actually pushes herself to get out and do stuff. She also apparently doesn't need antidepressants because her real problem is controlling her emotions according to them (they mentioned BPD) and that can't be controlled by meds. Hmmm, so the fact that she went in a downward spiral exactly when she stopped her antidepressants one year ago must be pure coincidence 

I'm frustrated and I don't know what to do anymore to help her out.

[heartandwhole]

I think all you can do, TooRational, is be present for her, as you can. I'm sorry to hear that the help doesn't seem to fit what she needs right now. I know that can be very frustrating to witness and go through.

What options does she have for professional therapy? Is your ex's family around to support her?

Please continue your self-care, TooRational. I know under the circumstances it is hard to do, but it is vital for you. Your well-being is really important, and I don't want your grief for recent events swept under the rug. I'm glad your parents can help out with the kids.

When are your friends coming back from Maine?

Blessings to you and your ex. 

heartandwhole

[Fr4nz]

Thanks everyone for your support. This forum is full of great people.

Fortunately my parents are very helpful and do take the kids often. That helps a lot. Still, this is all very hard. I'm fighting hard not to get depressed myself. Posting on this board is one of the things that helps.

Lilyroze: one goal I have is to run a 10k below 45 min at a race mid-August. This is a good challenge but achievable and this goal helps me get off my butt to go running. Keeping in shape is another way I'm coping.

Hey Too,

we are here for you... .a big hug

[TooRational]

Thanks again everyone.

No, her family can't help, they are very far away and anyhow her mom is actually the source of many of her problems (probably BPD herself).

She has been referred to a "day hospital" by the emergency room psychiatrist. It's supposedly intensive group therapy during the day, for a few days a week, during 4-6 weeks. She called this morning but said that it was still "too early" to call and they'll call her back sometime this week. I have big hopes for this treatment. Hopefully the BPD non-official diagnosis that the psychiatrist told her about at the hospital can be confirmed and she'll get the treatment she needs.