"Friends" of the pwBPD and Facebook...

[Herodias]

Why do you think people stay "friends" with these people on Facebook, even though they know they are liars , abusive and trouble. Do they like to watch train wrecks? Do they find it hard to believe people can be so bad? It's like they are not really accepting that they are awful people. Mine has so many friends on Facebook who know what he has done. Yet they stay friends with him. I at least had one friend that finally deleted him. Maybe they feel sorry for him, I don't know. But I guess some people don't like to feel duped and would rather believe him than me, even when they have witnessed it themselves! I suppose people know what it is really about- Posting your best face and best life. Just bothers me that people have no morals or scruples any more. Maybe they feel they can be friends at a distance. One group of friends of his knows about the domestic violence and the cheating, yet they are still friends with him on fb. Another one knows he lied to his face over and over, yet he is still friends, another one he embarrassed and I could go on... .Another one is best friends with the girl that was in my bed and she is still friends with him and the gf! These people are sick I guess... .He mostly is friends with people he doesn't really know. Some real friends from home, but they don't have much to do with him nor comment on his stuff... .I just wonder what you think about it... .Must be people just want to have as many friends as possible on fb and don't care who they are, idk.    I just feel I don't want to be "friends" with people that have him as a friend... .Facebook or not.

[Pretty Woman]

Blue,

  Think about it... .many of these people are co-dependents themselves. They might believe the BPD is a liar or has treated you badly however they don't want to "rock the boat". It's not "their issue" and they are content being "friends" with a jack arse. And many of them are simply intrigued by drama.

These are NOT real friends.

I have several "" friends still FB friends with the ex. One is like: I'm gonna play Switzerland. I am not taking sides. She know I was spit on and hit but I was so back and forth with the ex maybe they just don't fully believe it after awhile. The funny thing is she has never hung out with my ex after the break up, at least not physically.

You also need to realize half these people aren't really friends. They are enablers whether willingly or unwillingly. Facebook or "Facebook" is a numbers game. It's an illusion really, to make yourself or in this case, your ex look popular and liked. I know I was impressed my ex was friends with all her exes when I met her. I had no idea she never talked to half of them... .same with all the HS friends she raved about. I found out later that she hadn't seen many of them in years... .but she talked of them as if they were best friends and hung out often.

Facebook is really deceptive. Don't try to read too much into anything on there!

[seenr]

BH,

I use twitter for news only, don't use facebook. Many of the friends I have on twitter hardly even notice me tweet or vice versa. The amount of emphasis I place on social media is 0.

Do you honestly care if these people stay friends with him, when many are obsessed about their own number of followers/friends and think if they de-friend one person it could lead to a chain reaction?

The main thing is that YOU know what happened, YOU know what he did and it is YOU who YOU need to protect.

Look after YOUrself as that is all that can be done - the rest cannot be influenced.

[Confused?]

I'm "friends" with people on Facebook I don't even talk to or haven't talked to in a decade. I rarely use Facebook. It would take a lot for me to actually go through my friends list and delete a certain person. I'm still friends with my friends exes. I don't talk to them or care what they post. I have a few friends that are even friends with my exBPDgf. She has blocked me so I don't see anything she posts. I used to get mad about it when she didn't block me but it is what it is. Not everyone knows exactly what I went through and she isn't a horrible person until you get really close to her. So I wouldn't look into being "friends" on Facebook too much.

[Sarah May]

"Friend" is a relative term.  I have two great friends in my life.  They have my back.  We see one another, etc.  Facebook is a way of staying in the loop on activities and family events.  To feel safe on social media when I broke things off with my ex, I blocked him on Facebook and made my Instagram account private.  I also unfriended and blocked a few key people we knew in common who might be pulled in as flying monkeys.  This has worked so far to give me peace, and when anything crops up that might disturb my serenity I adjust my exposure (blocking people etc).  I have read over and over again about what a trap it is for me to look for validation of my abuse from the casual bystanders around me.  They don't understand unless they have been through it themselves.  And like someone else on here noted, my ex wasn't such a bad guy until I got close to him.  People are deep into their own lives, self centered and busy.  Make it okay with you to do what is necessary to cut off this cancer from your life.  Best to you!

[Herodias]

Thanks- yes, I know... It's just amazing to me - it gives the abuser the feeling he is ok. I think he has over 300 "friends", yet only a few he really talks to being the gf and the parents, I have 88 friends and they are people I care to talk to and keep up with. That's it. I'm 51, I see people my age and younger with hundreds of friends and it's crazy. I think if they only knew their information could be used against them ( in my exes case) they would be more careful. Thanks for the input... .

[love4meNOTu]

I too always wondered why people who did see behind the mask of my x never broke their bonds with him.

I haven't exactly followed up with any of them... I avoid anyone who knew both of us, have for years now. Which was the best thing I ever did for myself.

But the truth is I think that they weren't afraid of him. Like you suggested, it's similar to lookie loos at the scene of an accident, they can't look away. Safely peering in on the accident from a good distance.

His antics didn't matter to them, since they only affected me. Makes me doubly glad I'm off social media, it's really superficial.

L

[sweet tooth]

"Friend" is a relative term.  I have two great friends in my life.  They have my back.  We see one another, etc.  Facebook is a way of staying in the loop on activities and family events.  To feel safe on social media when I broke things off with my ex, I blocked him on Facebook and made my Instagram account private.  I also unfriended and blocked a few key people we knew in common who might be pulled in as flying monkeys.  This has worked so far to give me peace, and when anything crops up that might disturb my serenity I adjust my exposure (blocking people etc).  I have read over and over again about what a trap it is for me to look for validation of my abuse from the casual bystanders around me.  They don't understand unless they have been through it themselves.  And like someone else on here noted, my ex wasn't such a bad guy until I got close to him.  People are deep into their own lives, self centered and busy.  Make it okay with you to do what is necessary to cut off this cancer from your life.  Best to you!

See bold: What is a flying monkey? I know the cultural reference from the Wizard of Oz. I'm assuming by the context clues and knowledge of the cultural reference that a flying monkey is somebody who is sent in to do the dirty work of the Wicked Witch of the West/BPD.  Is this a correct assumption?

I'm fairly sure I had a "flying monkey" attempt to manipulate me a few weeks ago.

[sweet tooth]

Blue, I'm speculating here. My hypotheses are as follows:

1. They don't know the BPD very well and are oblivious to their true nature.  BPDs are great actors. When I first met her, I would have never guessed that the BPD in my life was capable of Silent Treatments, Lies, Smear Campaigns against her ex-husband (and probably me), manipulation, or discarding me on a whim and then cyberstalking me. I'm guessing her own family doesn't realize the extent of her issues and the only two people who do are her ex-husband and myself.

2. They understand that the BPD is crazy and don't want to antagonize them. Doing nothing is better than feeling somebody's wrath. They could remain "friends" and also unfollow their posts, thereby making the Facebook friendship practically meaningless.

3. They don't use Facebook very often and don't really care.

[Sarah May]

"Friend" is a relative term.  I have two great friends in my life.  They have my back.  We see one another, etc.  Facebook is a way of staying in the loop on activities and family events.  To feel safe on social media when I broke things off with my ex, I blocked him on Facebook and made my Instagram account private.  I also unfriended and blocked a few key people we knew in common who might be pulled in as flying monkeys.  This has worked so far to give me peace, and when anything crops up that might disturb my serenity I adjust my exposure (blocking people etc).  I have read over and over again about what a trap it is for me to look for validation of my abuse from the casual bystanders around me.  They don't understand unless they have been through it themselves.  And like someone else on here noted, my ex wasn't such a bad guy until I got close to him.  People are deep into their own lives, self centered and busy.  Make it okay with you to do what is necessary to cut off this cancer from your life.  Best to you!

See bold: What is a flying monkey? I know the cultural reference from the Wizard of Oz. I'm assuming by the context clues and knowledge of the cultural reference that a flying monkey is somebody who is sent in to do the dirty work of the Wicked Witch of the West/BPD.  Is this a correct assumption?

I'm fairly sure I had a "flying monkey" attempt to manipulate me a few weeks ago.

. A flying monkey is exactly that, someone from your common social circle who gets pulled in to manipulate you by the Npd... .

[sweet tooth]

"Friend" is a relative term.  I have two great friends in my life.  They have my back.  We see one another, etc.  Facebook is a way of staying in the loop on activities and family events.  To feel safe on social media when I broke things off with my ex, I blocked him on Facebook and made my Instagram account private.  I also unfriended and blocked a few key people we knew in common who might be pulled in as flying monkeys.  This has worked so far to give me peace, and when anything crops up that might disturb my serenity I adjust my exposure (blocking people etc).  I have read over and over again about what a trap it is for me to look for validation of my abuse from the casual bystanders around me.  They don't understand unless they have been through it themselves.  And like someone else on here noted, my ex wasn't such a bad guy until I got close to him.  People are deep into their own lives, self centered and busy.  Make it okay with you to do what is necessary to cut off this cancer from your life.  Best to you!

See bold: What is a flying monkey? I know the cultural reference from the Wizard of Oz. I'm assuming by the context clues and knowledge of the cultural reference that a flying monkey is somebody who is sent in to do the dirty work of the Wicked Witch of the West/BPD.  Is this a correct assumption?

I'm fairly sure I had a "flying monkey" attempt to manipulate me a few weeks ago.

. A flying monkey is exactly that, someone from your common social circle who gets pulled in to manipulate you by the Npd... .

A few weeks ago a mutual acquaintance suggested that we meet up at a festival in my BPD's hometown. Mind you, I hadn't heard from this person in 6 months. It was also the same weekend that my BPD reactivated her Facebook (and unfriended myself and my very good friend who introduced us). Would you consider that some Flying Monkey action?

[Sarah May]

It's possible I suppose if they are friends and your friend who bin voted you doesn't know you broke up or is getting a twisted account from your ex.  Don't dwell on it.  If you go to the festival, do it because it's right for you.  I have to cross paths with my ex occasionally at races, but I never plan a race in hopes of seeing him.  I just go about my life for me and have rehearsed ways of ignoring him and not engaging should I see him.  It sucks but it beats getting  charmed backing!

[sweet tooth]

It's possible I suppose if they are friends and your friend who bin voted you doesn't know you broke up or is getting a twisted account from your ex.  Don't dwell on it.  If you go to the festival, do it because it's right for you.  I have to cross paths with my ex occasionally at races, but I never plan a race in hopes of seeing him.  I just go about my life for me and have rehearsed ways of ignoring him and not engaging should I see him.  It sucks but it beats getting  charmed backing!

Thanks for the advice. It was a few weeks ago. I didn't go because I had other stuff to do. It just seemed suspicious to me.