conflict

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I am home from work today. I get bad headaches. I have a shunt in my brain and sometimes the fluid doesn't drain and causes great pain, so today I think and write. The other day I posted about solutions, today I posted about feeling alone in my story having being bypassed by the love bomb train. I think of the 2 posts and of the many things of the past, to many to name and conflict seems to be the common denominator. My ex wife's mother comes from a very sexual abusive home and it spilled over into the grandchildren. When it came out, my ex wife's mother quit talking to her family ( siblings & mother) that was years ago and the conflict is worse. My ex wife's father did the same to his family, never spoke a word to them for years, one day up and quit talking to his older sister and he followed suit with rest of his siblings and mother over the years. It has now been 10 years since he spoke a word to his family. My ex created so much conflict in my family and rejected any sensible solutions but if this makes sense kept conflict alive while continuing to reject solutions. Someone is always the bad guy. My ex had 2 aunts die of cancer in the past 3 years, her father made no attempt to make amends while they were on there death bed. He dropped his mother and siblings like a hot potato but expected to be welcome at the funeral. He was told to stay away, was not welcome and was not included in the obituary as a family member. My ex wife and her family were totally up in arms, conflict, the solution was easy years ago but conflict was easier. They do the wrong and twist the fault back on everyone else. Our r/s problems were simple fixable problems, a T said very fixable but doomed for disaster if unchecked, this dire warning did not flinch my ex in the slightest,  in fact the harder it frantically searched for solutions the worse she got, if this makes any sense.  And today the conflict continues between her and I. Simple solutions to our custody issues are made complicated to non existent, like she wants the conflict to continue. I know couples where the ex husband's were real pecker heads and they came to very compromising custody arrangements. 8 years in and we are no further ahead. Everything is impossible, now she is creating conflict between a friend of mine and her bf, my friend is getting the finger for no reason, she created conflict between her family and I,  I was very good friends with her father, now when I meet him, he gives me the finger, there is conflict between her sister and the father of her child. One day they were engaged and house shopping and literary over night she walked away from him, that was 20 years ago. I don't think he ever fully got over that. My ex is doing things to create conflict between her bf and I. All of this is so unnecessary and all the lies she tells in court it's like she doesn't want me in her life but she doesn't want me out of her life. She even continues to say s9 was slipping bad in school that his teacher is expressing concern and I talked to s9 teacher a week before summer vacation and she said he was doing great. His final report card was better than 2nd term and that was a glowing report card. She needlessly but skillfully booked her summer vacation in such a way that it took most of my summer access with s9. I'm thinking I should jump off the solution Mary go round.

[bus boy]

I am home from work today. I get bad headaches. I have a shunt in my brain and sometimes the fluid doesn't drain and causes great pain, so today I think and write. The other day I posted about solutions, today I posted about feeling alone in my story having being bypassed by the love bomb train. I think of the 2 posts and of the many things of the past, to many to name and conflict seems to be the common denominator. My ex wife's mother comes from a very sexual abusive home and it spilled over into the grandchildren. When it came out, my ex wife's mother quit talking to her family ( siblings & mother) that was years ago and the conflict is worse. My ex wife's father did the same to his family, never spoke a word to them for years, one day up and quit talking to his older sister and he followed suit with rest of his siblings and mother over the years. It has now been 10 years since he spoke a word to his family. My ex created so much conflict in my family and rejected any sensible solutions but if this makes sense kept conflict alive while continuing to reject solutions. Someone is always the bad guy. My ex had 2 aunts die of cancer in the past 3 years, her father made no attempt to make amends while they were on there death bed. He dropped his mother and siblings like a hot potato but expected to be welcome at the funeral. He was told to stay away, was not welcome and was not included in the obituary as a family member. My ex wife and her family were totally up in arms, conflict, the solution was easy years ago but conflict was easier. They do the wrong and twist the fault back on everyone else. Our r/s problems were simple fixable problems, a T said very fixable but doomed for disaster if unchecked, this dire warning did not flinch my ex in the slightest,  in fact the harder it frantically searched for solutions the worse she got, if this makes any sense.  And today the conflict continues between her and I. Simple solutions to our custody issues are made complicated to non existent, like she wants the conflict to continue. I know couples where the ex husband's were real pecker heads and they came to very compromising custody arrangements. 8 years in and we are no further ahead. Everything is impossible, now she is creating conflict between a friend of mine and her bf, my friend is getting the finger for no reason, she created conflict between her family and I,  I was very good friends with her father, now when I meet him, he gives me the finger, there is conflict between her sister and the father of her child. One day they were engaged and house shopping and literary over night she walked away from him, that was 20 years ago. I don't think he ever fully got over that. My ex is doing things to create conflict between her bf and I. All of this is so unnecessary and all the lies she tells in court it's like she doesn't want me in her life but she doesn't want me out of her life. She even continues to say s9 was slipping bad in school that his teacher is expressing concern and I talked to s9 teacher a week before summer vacation and she said he was doing great. His final report card was better than 2nd term and that was a glowing report card. She needlessly but skillfully booked her summer vacation in such a way that it took most of my summer access with s9. I'm thinking I should jump off the solution Mary go round.

[gotbushels]

Hi bus boy

It's difficult when our exs do things that seem to make trouble for us. When they try to persist with push and pull behaviour well out of relationship--and in your case when she's in a new relationship--I would find that irritating. I would try not to get caught up in the lies. So perhaps there is a time to figure out solutions and a time to let the merry-go-round be.

I hope you're feeling better 

[Thrive]

Ok--so first things first,
You are not alone.
Do you have family around you; to buffer her impact and to support you?

You have only one job. Just one. To build a new life centered only around you and your son.
Don't worry about any other dynamics going on.
Just you and him.

What does that life look like? Spend your energy designing that life.
A life that is peaceful.
Take the steps you need to make that life real.

If you need to, keep a diary of the ex's nonsense as it involves your son. It could be necessary to have dates and events to back up what's occurring should this become a legal issue.
Keep posting and finding support here!

Be so busy constructing something better that you slowly begin to forget her.