My son's mother flashed me today

[JerryRG]

Don't tell me... .it's control?

Pulls down her shorts to show me bug bites on her bare bottom and this means? No bounderies? No respect for herself her bf and me?

[thrownforaloop]

Getting attention,  getting in your head. How long will that image be in your head... .? Good tactic.

[Confused?]

Jerry,

I want to start by saying that I truly do not know what you are going through having to share custody of a child with a pwBPD. It must be awful. That being said I have noticed that it seems like you post an absurd amount about your ex. Literally every single word she says, every move she makes, every thing she does you feel the need to dissect it. Detaching is hard. And having to deal with her to be in your sons life must be unbearable at points. But you have to stop focusing on her and focus on yourself. You seem to understand this woman is no good but most of your focus seems to be about her. I'm not trying to be mean or anything when I am saying this to you. But moving forward in life will be an impossible task when the focus isn't on yourself. Take care!

[JerryRG]

Thanks everyone, I do spend too much time focused on her. I keep thinking I have to anticipate her next move. I'm nervous about our son too, she's been able to get in my head as you say. I'm so naive and codependent I keep thinking about what others are doing and thinking. This is just bad habits that I need to let go of.

I just want my son safe and my greatest wish is our son and me live in peace and his mother just moves away.

[StayStrongNow]

I can relate,I was flashed, boobs hung out nipples exposed, this was BEFORE I knew what was going on and so I caved in like a deck of cards. Then I stopped after a few times because I instictively knew I had to detach. Plus she was really getting g stranger each day. Then she couldn't stand it and did what she does best acted out on her disorder and got arrested for the 3rd time in 14 months with public drunkeness, disorderly conduct (calling 911 while being questioned by 2 police officers) and resisting arrest.

So she couldn't reel me in so she flipped out.

For a while she was still wearing her swim suit when I picked up the kids but I knew that she was getting worse.

Then when she found new friends and a new boyfriend and started boasting to the kids about him. I then really started thinking of our 12 year r/s and 10 year message remembering a T saying there could be some BPD with her... . the research started studiously and bam bam bam everything I found including me as a newbie here was shocked how everybody here describes my situation to a T.

Now it's all about me now, this knowledge is empowering and energizing me to not only understand her, our relationship and my part of this, it also gives me a great chance of predicting her next move. This is especially important because my divorce is winding down to finances and I know her love of money due to her compulsive shopping related to her BPD.

Anyway I am now enjoying this journey of healing, to understand what and why things happened has released so much hurt and pain. Sure it is sad because we did have some good time but she went past boundaries by her DV and trying to get me arrested, just to get even. There's more but I babbled long enough.

I look forward someday finding a woman who I truly love and can truly love me back,  BPD can't do that it seems.

[Herodias]

 You need to just start seeing it as it is... .a sad attempt at keeping you hooked. She used to be able to manipulate you... .she can't do it anymore and she is pulling out the big guns... .literally. I really wish you could find somewhere in public you could exchange your son. I think you keep posting because you are so shocked, but don't be. We all have our stories ... .This is strange, but a co-worker is dating an old co-workers ex husband... .We all went out together and talked because the old co-worker turns out to be BPD. We shared stories... .but one of his was how his ex went on a cruise with their boys. The one boy had a gf with him. He asked the gf how the trip was... .she said fine except for when the Mother walked around the cabin naked! She literally sat down on the bed next to her and her son- naked! Anything for attention and to make people uncomfortable. It's what they do.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Blue, yes indeed not more than a couple weeks ago my son's mother was telling me how our son stares at her while she showers, my exgf used to always walk around naked in front of me so I would pay attention.

These people ... . 

Sorry StayStrongNow, I didn't see your post, reading it now... .

I am that way too, trying to predict her next move. I know this started with me in my foo. My dad wasn't safe to be around so I planned and wasted most of my youth wondering what he would do next.

Of coarse being with my BPDgf was an easy transition onto another crazy train. I'm glad you're doing better StayStrongNow and your success and sharing give me and others the hope we need to get through the tough days.

Codependency means me playing God, I started early and it's a tough habit and behaviour to stop.

This site is a Godsend

Thank you bpdfamily!

[seenr]

I am in a very similar position to JerryRG.

Every time I collect my Son, I am fullof anxiety as to what iscoming next. Already in two months since the split, his Mum has done many things that cannot be co-incidence.

Has people at the house at collect and drop off times
Used foul and abusive language to me
Played happy families with her kids so I see I am no longer part of it
Had her ex husband in the house on Father's day when I brought my son home
Changed meeting point for collecting
Emailed me telling me I am ignorant
Is constantly cycling between being dressed up as though going on a date or dressed down as though depressed

I realise there is nothing I can do about any of this so all I do is be there at the correct times. It hurts like hell sometimes but I know that so much of this is my responsibility for not ending the relationship a long time ago. I allowed her to think that behaviour was acceptable. I allowed this by caring for her after she came back from taking away our unborn child. Many men would have cut ties then but I saw how broken she was and put my arms around her. I cared for her more than for me. I have handed her vast amounts of money as she screamed at me. I have allowed her to mock my family of origin, mock me, break and seize my posessions, hit me.

I allowed this. JerryRG is probably just thinking out loud. But I can testify that when your ex continues to play mind games as you collect/drop hone your kid, it is very difficult. I understand that flash might have been to make JerryRG see what he is missing. I won't look my ex in the face because as soon as I do I get pangs telling me I still love her. If she showed me part of her body I would want her again. I would want her but also the family unit we had. She knows this and it is her bargaining tool all the time. She has what I want, I need to give my soul to pay for it.

The trick is for me to realise that her bargaining tools are useless and going for a swim with her is like taking a swim with sharks.

Don't beat yourself up JerryRG.

[asphyx]

I understand that flash might have been to make JerryRG see what he is missing.

My ex sent me an e-mail saying she was working on her 'revenge body' (ie. getting thinner and more toned to get back at me for dumping her). She attached a picture of 'herself' showing off her body/ass. I have to admit I was pretty jealous at first, but something seemed off about the picture, so I uploaded and reverse image searched it on google. Surely enough, it was a picture of some random celebrity she was trying to pass off as herself to make me jealous.

Everything is a game to them.

[JerryRG]

Thanks asphyx

That is funny and typical childish behaviour from my BPDexgf. I just wonder what her bf would think if he seen her displaying the goods. Lol, and then I cringe. Someone said they never change, that is certainly true for my ex, she's been trying to get my attention and it can be good or bad or anything in between but she still craves attention.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day.

[JerryRG]

Here we go again, my son's mother agrees to take him at 7:30am this morning. I text her at 7am and say, see you in 30 min. She does not respond. She text me at 10:30am asking what happend. She says she sent a text to me, I took a screen shot and sent it so she couldn't lie.

Why oh why does she lie?

Does she even know she's lying or is she living in another dimension and if her bf is such a great guy who loves my son, why isn't he helping her understand she's lying?

Oh? I forgot I cannot figure her out! Lol, just venting.

[Herodias]

Because she is doing what she wants and she doesn't have any consequences for her actions. You are the only one getting upset. Just like I'm sitting here stewing over him pretending to not know how to pay me this month. I know he knows! I probably get my 4am text message that he paid me any day now. They just want to be difficult! On purpose -because they can! The bf may or may not know what she is doing. He probably doesn't even care.

[JerryRG]

Yes I agree, I talked to my exes mother today about her daughter flashing me, she made an excuse for her daughter and anyway I told grandma that reliability is not my exgfs strong suite.

She does whatever she feels like and like you said Blue, regardless of the consiqenses. Oh well, when I told my sponsor what she did he said she showed me her true personality . Another friend said, she showed you her honest side. Love these guys, .

Again she's harming our son, herself and she's going to pay some day and she will have more reasons to hate herself.

Why does she hurt me? Because she can.

Thanks Blue

Oh I'm not upset, I just think she's showing her true colors and our son will see it too