She needs a break?

[Confused2much]

Hi All,

This is aimed at quite a specific topic, a relationship break, so I’ve started a new post in the hope that I can get some feedback. Me and my BPD girlfriend have been arguing repeatedly for about a year now. We still have an amazing time when we meet up (which is usually once or twice a month) but when we are apart her perceived ignorance, coldness and mind games drive me mental and I usually lose my patience and say something or moan, which then escalates into a full blown argument because she refuses to see my point and see’s what I’m saying as hard work.
 
It’s gotten so bad now that she’s said the arguing has made her feelings for me change and she’s told me she needs a break.

We spent the weekend together two weeks ago and the next day she texted me to say “I had such a great time with you and I can’t wait to see you again” but now she doesn’t love me anymore.

My question is what’s the chances that a break will work? If I give her a couple of weeks NC will she get in touch or will she likely end up moving on?

Does anyone have any experience of a break actually working out?

Thank you

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[zonnebloem]

What is the point in having a relationship if you argue all the time?
Get strong and move on... .is the only way a break-up works. Don't look back, don't be the ping-pong-ball.

My BD wrote me a birthday-card and said that he can continue with me for 20 more years.
2 days later he told me he'd finish the relationship... .he needed a lot more time  (and money) with his... .grown-up-daughters.
We had an on-off-relationship since the last half a year and it drives us crazy. Think I was clinging on to him "to be with someone" for we also have our good spells.

I ask myself: Do I want to be in the same position next year or do I want to get strong and... .move on?
I also wonder if he's gonna come back after the one mont holiday with his daughters.
I hope to be strong enough to keep my door closed.

With a lot of wisdom and courage! wish you all the best!

[Confused2much]

What is the point in having a relationship if you argue all the time?
Get strong and move on... .is the only way a break-up works. Don't look back, don't be the ping-pong-ball.

My BD wrote me a birthday-card and said that he can continue with me for 20 more years.
2 days later he told me he'd finish the relationship... .he needed a lot more time  (and money) with his... .grown-up-daughters.
We had an on-off-relationship since the last half a year and it drives us crazy. Think I was clinging on to him "to be with someone" for we also have our good spells.

I ask myself: Do I want to be in the same position next year or do I want to get strong and... .move on?
I also wonder if he's gonna come back after the one mont holiday with his daughters.
I hope to be strong enough to keep my door closed.

With a lot of wisdom and courage! wish you all the best!

Hey, I think you might be spot on here except for one thing... .

When we are together we have such a good time and I feel like I could have done certain things better. I could have paid her more compliments or made her feel better about herself but at the same time, when she always says "you never compliment me" I think this is just tactics to make me feel guilty.

I agree with what you said though and I'm searching inside myself for that strength as I type.

[SheAskedForaBreak]

Confused I feel for you.  I am in the exact same situation.  My BPD-gf and I haven't spoken in three weeks, but I have the same feelings that you do.  She would want to see me several days in a row, have me stay the night and talk about marriage and/or moving in together.  Then she'd withdraw suddenly.  At this time I am in counseling to help me better define what I really want and need in a relationship.  You really have to ask the questions that the previous responder has put out there.  "Where do you want to be in a year?"  If you are truly happy with what you're experiencing you may want to explore it further, but if the balance shifts and this relationship is not healthy for you, getting strong and moving on may be the approach you're forced to take. 

I just felt your situation so closely mirrored mine that I had to offer my perspective. 

[Confused2much]

I really appreciate your words so thank you for taking the time to type.

I think that I'm a totally gullible fool who's just been played. I keep hanging in there hoping she proves me wrong and something 'clicks'. It never does.

I feel like I want someone to reach into my brain and remove all memory of her. I'd honestly pay for that.

I don't want another 24 months like the last and now I'm going to look at today, day one of no contact, and I'm going to start healing, learning and growing (hopefully).

[Ashur]

Does any one know hoe confused is doing. St I here on the site? I hope everything worked or works out the way you need them to. Sometimes that is not the way we want them to. Please let me/us know

[Edward1981]

This is exactly what happened to me. She asked for a break when things were getting too close and too intimate. This gave her the freedom to triangulate and find a replacement with less guilt. This is exactly what happened. A month later she told me she was casually seeing someone and tried to keep me as number 3. I refused and went NC. Now she is using her ex of 4 years (the guy she saw before me and she triangulated with me) as number 3.

She told me she needed a 3 month break but wanted to come back to me and get married and spend her life with me... .Typical BPD. Full of crap.

[Ashur]

So what I am getting is you feel dating someone with BPD is never worth it? Or just depends on the people? How much do you feel we blame our own short comings on the pwBPD or just the BPD itself? Please don't take this as shots fired I am learning here and would really like you input

[Edward1981]

The fact that we got drawn to such an individual in the first place means we clearly have issues of our own from childhood. Had those been resolved or if we didn't have them, we would not have gotten into a relationship with this person.

The difference between us and them is that we are generally more willing to work on our issues for the sake of the relationship, at least in my experience. It is extremely unlikely they seek help as in their minds they are acting totally normally. That is the challenge. Getting them to seek help. And that can only be done if they want to. Or else you will be in a relationship who is basically living a different reality to yours with a different set or morals. It comes with a big price.

[zonnebloem]

 

Thank you all for posting!

Sad... ."it comes with a big price"... .

Told you about my ex BPD... .he's camping in France now with his 16-year old daughter.
I've let him known that I am angry, even jealous... .shouldn't have done that.
Makes things worse for me and he thinks he acts normal.

He let me know he fell off a horse.
He can barely sit nor lay down.
I thought... .nice... .close to the "drop death" I sometimes think.
I asked if his Insurance can bring him back and he says he can drive home ... .
Next he texts me he can go swimming (I told him I miss him for swimming in the sea as we used to do) and walking.
Do I wonder if he writes it to feed my jealousy? Do I wonder ? Won't get into it as fas as I used to do, it would just make me sick.
I know for a fact that I DO NOT WISH to be in his shoes! It must be sad to be that way that you'd rather have your daughter around than your wife or girlfriend.
Thanks for posting.