Healing

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello everyone, hope your day is going well.

I found a fb page that deals with Cluster B issues, I won't share the name because I don't wish to unless first given permission from bpdfamily moderators.

Just found many very helpful readings and wanted to share a couple so maybe I can help members here put things into perspective.


1. Turning Point in My Recovery
The moment I discovered that I was targeted not because there is something wrong with me, but because there were so many things right with me.

That was the moment I finally began to truly heal.

2. Once you have fallen in love, the mask begins to slip. This is not someone who simply lost interest because you fell in love with them (that's another kind of jerk)

No psychopaths will continue the facade and toss back remnants of the idealize phase, if they feel they are losing power.
They manipulate with past hopes, giving you a glimmer of light to hang onto.
But ultimately, they will abandon you in the cruelest way imaginable, full of contempt and hatred that you will not even be able to comprehend at the time.
Because you are to distracted with memories of your idealizer, not your abuser.

3. (Had to find some humor)
I would really like to help you out.
   Which way did you come in?

Anyway, thought this might be helpful.

Stay positive and keep walking forward! There is life after being in a relationship with a pwBPD.

Have a great day!

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone, hope your day is going well.

I found a fb page that deals with Cluster B issues, I won't share the name because I don't wish to unless first given permission from bpdfamily moderators.

Just found many very helpful readings and wanted to share a couple so maybe I can help members here put things into perspective.


1. Turning Point in My Recovery
The moment I discovered that I was targeted not because there is something wrong with me, but because there were so many things right with me.

That was the moment I finally began to truly heal.

2. Once you have fallen in love, the mask begins to slip. This is not someone who simply lost interest because you fell in love with them (that's another kind of jerk)

No psychopaths will continue the facade and toss back remnants of the idealize phase, if they feel they are losing power.
They manipulate with past hopes, giving you a glimmer of light to hang onto.
But ultimately, they will abandon you in the cruelest way imaginable, full of contempt and hatred that you will not even be able to comprehend at the time.
Because you are to distracted with memories of your idealizer, not your abuser.

3. (Had to find some humor)
I would really like to help you out.
   Which way did you come in?

Anyway, thought this might be helpful.

Stay positive and keep walking forward! There is life after being in a relationship with a pwBPD.

Have a great day!

[Rickybee]

No psychopaths will continue the facade and toss back remnants of the idealize phase, if they feel they are losing power.
They manipulate with past hopes, giving you a glimmer of light to hang onto.
But ultimately, they will abandon you in the cruelest way imaginable, full of contempt and hatred that you will not even be able to comprehend at the time.
Because you are to distracted with memories of your idealizer, not your abuser.




Soo. so so so true... my exBPDgf did "exactly" that... .a year later and i still can't quite believe how she could do what she did to me... its beyond shocking... .I'm sorry but I have no sympathy for BPD anymore... or sociapaths, narcs, psychopaths etc... these peoples behaviour disgusts me to my core and goes against everything i believe in... disgraceful doing what they do to people and yet wont get help... i know its sounds bitter and cold but i almost lost my life over what she put me thru... if i could go back to first meeting her and her love bombing me i would spit in her face and "run"... .sorry guys having a bad day

[JerryRG]

I understand and it is difficult to overcome the anger and resentment and I believe without genuine anger I would do what I did so many times in the past and allow myself to get sucked back in.

In my case I try to realize my need for strong bounderies for my protection. I invited the vampire into my home, so I use anger to motivate me, I believe anger is energy and I pit it to good use. My self preservation and well being.

My exgf isn't going to respect me or my bounderies so she will have no choice but be forced into silence as I walk away. This may sound stupid but it's as if I have this wounded child inside of me due to foo issues and protecting myself and that child is so rewarding. I allowed my exgf to beat me and that child and like you said, Rickybee, it almost cost me my life.

There are more than one way to die, they kill everything in their path, spirit, hope, souls, nothing is sacred to Cluster B's except their own damaged cores, ironic thing is they desperately try to protect the very thing that kills them as well

[heartandwhole]

Hi JerryRG,

It's heartbreaking, infuriating, confusing, and painful to lose someone we felt so bonded to. I get it; I felt shattered after my breakup.

I understand the conflation of BPD and BPD traits with psychopathy. Sometimes the actions of someone with BPD appear similar to descriptions of what someone with ASPD would do, or actions by someone labeled a psychopath. I think it's important to know, however, that they are not the same disorders and they have different diagnostic criteria.

Here are some of the characteristics of a diagnosed psychopath according to Robert Hare, PhD (bold is mine):

• Psychopathy is commonly viewed as a personality disorder defined by a cluster of interpersonal, affective, lifestyle, and antisocial traits and behaviours, including grandiosity, egocentricity, deceptiveness, shallow emotions, lack of empathy or remorse, irresponsibility, impulsivity, and a tendency to violate social norms.
• Psychopathy is associated with an increased risk for antisocial behaviour, crime, and violence, and presents the mental health and criminal justice systems with a formidable therapeutic challenge.

There are otter characteristics such as glibness and even a tendency for psychopaths not to feel any fear. Quite different from pwBPD, in my experience, especially since a pwBPD feels very deeply and experiences fear and shame regularly in intimate relationships.

Here is an interesting thread about the differences between BPD and ASPD (most psychopaths would also fit the diagnostic criteria for ASPD, but not the reverse):

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=156878.msg1488449#msg1488449

I think we all are trying to understand what we were dealing with and labelling is understandable, especially when we feel justifiable anger about what we've been through. Just want to throw out the idea that due to the overwhelming information out in the interwebs, diagnosis is probably best left to professionals.  

heartandwhole

[Hopefulgirl]

Thank you for posting Jerry RG. Needed some perspective on a day like today. Indeed, their mask slips when they don't NEED you anymore.
I feel sad today that the only man that I feel has ever loved me only had me in his life because of NEED.
Now that he has no need of my body or my shoulder to lean on I am nothing but an inconvenience. He doesn't even feel the need to be kind friend.

[Rickybee]

"Psychopathy is commonly viewed as a personality disorder defined by a cluster of interpersonal, affective, lifestyle, and antisocial traits and behaviours, including grandiosity, egocentricity, deceptiveness, shallow emotions, lack of empathy or remorse, irresponsibility, impulsivity, and a tendency to violate social norms."


Strange as my ex was diagnosed with BPD/ocd/clinical depression but yet displayed all the above traits... seems she was nearly all the way there psycho too

[JerryRG]

Thanks everyone

Yes my exgf displayed all the traits for psychopathy as well and no I'm not a professional so I cannot diagnose her. I just use the facts of her past and present behaviours and deal with her issues as best I can. She told me she was indeed diagnosed BPD and was being treated with DBT and we discussed this on many occasions. She later denied ever being diagnosed BPD and went to blaming her behaviour on her drug addictions.

All I know is she has all the traits of BPD, diagnosed Bipolar and ADD and she's an unrecoverd drug addict.

She certainly exibits NPD and ASPD traits as well.

I just have to be prepaid and informed as to how to deal with her best I can for our sons sake.

She took our son yesterday and just text me about an hour ago asking if I would take him tonight because she has no ac in her apartment. I could wonder if she's just tired of taking care of him or if she is truly concerned for our son, she didn't receive an immediate response because I was driving and text just minutes later saying she understood if I didn't want him and she would find someone to watch him.

She's either manipulating me or trying to get out of taking care of our son but it don't matter ultimately because I know she's immature and I can accept it and look at what's important (our sons wellbeing) or analyze her and waste time trying to understand an immature, mentally ill person.

My choice is to focus on our son because he is dependent on me. Knowing what I know about his mother greatly frees me from the mistake of expecting her to be mature and responsible, both of which she cannot or will not be.

Thanks to learning how she thinks and reacts is saving me from the stress I used to experience because I just never knew how to deal with her emotional thinking.

Thanks everyone for helping.

[Wize]

Thank you for posting Jerry RG. Needed some perspective on a day like today. Indeed, their mask slips when they don't NEED you anymore.
I feel sad today that the only man that I feel has ever loved me only had me in his life because of NEED.
Now that he has no need of my body or my shoulder to lean on I am nothing but an inconvenience. He doesn't even feel the need to be kind friend.

This is how I feel.  Utterly used and abused and tossed away.  And it would be more bearable if I saw it coming, if she hadn't told me the many ways that she loved me and believed I was special.  The hardest part is accepting that a person can actually treat another the way my ex treated me.