Sad

[need a break]

Feeling so sad today. I haven't seen my Daughter in months. I know she's somewhat safe, but don't dare text or call her as it will open up a dialog that I am never prepared to deal with. I wish things were just o.k. - that we could go to lunch like any mom and kid and talk about a movie or something.
So much damage from her BPD, drugs etc. Does it ever get easier? I don't feel so much anxiety as I used to, now its just deep sadness.
I am in therapy,  I am way to depressed to go to a yoga class, or take a walk or do much of anything. I am on meds for depression but meds can not touch this grief.

This weekend is a big family event, of course she wont be going because her BPD takes control of everything. There has been way to much damage for her to be included.  She is 28 and the suffering for all of us has been going on since she was around 13.
Who will love her? Who will be her friend?  How will she survive all of this? How will we?

bad day... .

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mggt]

Dear need a break,  I understand exactly how you feel been there and actually still there .  Wish I had some magic pill for all of us this disease is so severe and dangerous .  Please try and take care of yourself  

[Huat]

Hello "Sad"... .and welcome:

You ask, ":)oes it ever get easier?"  Well... .it can if you let it.  You are experiencing what so many of us on the parenting board have/are experiencing.  The same as if someone close to you has died... .this is grieving... .the loss of a dream... .what you thought life was going to be like with your child... .isn't... .and probably won't be.

Our (undiagnosed but highly probable) BPDD is now 50 (we are now in mid-70's) and our troubles started when she was 12.  That is a long, long time... .and we are worn out.  When she is "good"... .she is really good.  When she is "bad"... . 

We have lived through numerous estrangements and the hardest part has been that our only 2 grandchildren were her pawns... .her trump cards against us... .the ultimate stabs to our hearts.  This last "epidode" lasted almost 4 years and she finally extended an olive branch (again!).   

I have cried so much because of her and her rejection of me over the years... .ME... .her Mom!  Well... .I'm a slow learner... .but I strive to learn... .and I have learned to do differently.  My tears (and I would even wake in the middle of the night and cry!) finally dried up and the world started to look different.

"Sad", you are doing the right thing in going to counselling.  Let it work... .don't fight it.  It helps to get to the point where you give yourself credit for knowing that you did the best you could at the time... .knew better, did better.  The only one you can change is... .you.  Maybe if your daughter sees the change in you... .she will strive to change herself... .but she is the only one who can do that.  Look after yourself... .don't play the part of "the victim"... .because that plays right into her hand. 

So, once again, welcome.  You will be comforted as you read other similar stories on this parenting board... .others who are survivors.  Helps to know you are not unique... .not the only one to walk down this path. 

Do your homework, Sad.  You have a counsellor and you have a wealth of information available to you on this site.  It will be hard work... .but so worth it! 

[galaxy]

Sad,
I could feel your sadness in your post.  So sorry.  All of us have been or are currently in the same place.  My son is 43 and the real trouble started when he was about 14-15.  I'm glad you've asked for help because trying to get through this by yourself doesn't work.  I'm on an antidepressant too as well as other medications to deal with the health issues this has caused. 

I've read many books on BPD.  One thing really leaped out at me. It seems that most people with this disorder get along fairly well with other people but not the people closest to them - and it's usually the  mother.  It's true in our case because my son has cut off all contact with us but talks to his sisters and is doing very well at work. No amount of love gets through to him so now I'm trying to wait and hope that he will come back to us someday. Some days I can - some I can't. I count my blessings for two daughters who are very loving and supportive.

Be sure to take care of yourself and keep coming to this site.  It has been more help to me this last year than anything else.

Galaxy

[need a break]

Sad,
I could feel your sadness in your post.  So sorry.  All of us have been or are currently in the same place.  My son is 43 and the real trouble started when he was about 14-15.  I'm glad you've asked for help because trying to get through this by yourself doesn't work.  I'm on an antidepressant too as well as other medications to deal with the health issues this has caused. 

I've read many books on BPD.  One thing really leaped out at me. It seems that most people with this disorder get along fairly well with other people but not the people closest to them - and it's usually the  mother.  It's true in our case because my son has cut off all contact with us but talks to his sisters and is doing very well at work. No amount of love gets through to him so now I'm trying to wait and hope that he will come back to us someday. Some days I can - some I can't. I count my blessings for two daughters who are very loving and supportive.

Be sure to take care of yourself and keep coming to this site.  It has been more help to me this last year than anything else.

Galaxy

Thank you very much. I survived the family get together and am going to try my hardest to deal with with this day by day. From what I know my D has no one. But when I see her she manipulates, lies, and I end up enabling her which is not good for wither one of us. Therapy helps but the grief cuts like a knife . She is my only child. I am glad you have others that are loving and supportive.