Been replaced after being broken up for a month

[Depression = 72% of members]

so i was in a this relationship with a BPD girl for almost exactly a year, and she quite abruptly broke up with me. The first 11 months were good but stressful(at least there weren't any problems with us or so i thought) but the last month prior to the breakup wasn't ideal, she kept needing space and didn't want to see me as often as we normally did which i didn't really understand at the time. But it then seemed like we had got through that and the following week things seemed to be back to normal, she was looking at holidays for my birthday and she seemed fine. However the week after that she broke up with me after saying she's been feeling low for a while now and she doesn't want to drag me with her. obviously i was really upset as i had done everything i could to try and make sure she was happy, anything i could do to make her life easier basically. She said stuff like never say never but i just can't handle a relationship right now and that you've done nothing wrong its something i need to do for me. admittedly she's said stuff like this once or twice before only for a couple of hours later to change her mind and apologise and want to see me and things would be okay again for a while. so i at this point i kept thinking that she'd change her mind again and things would go back to how they were because when we were together we really were happy with each other. This didn't happen so the following week i said that id need to move on and not talk to her again but she got really upset and said she still needed me because i was her best friend as well. At this point i reluctantly agreed but only because she said things like I'm not interested in anything with anyone else for a while which made me think if i stuck around a bit we'd get back together eventually. Over the next week or two i was still really missing her and occasionally told her i missed her and loved her, sometimes she'd say it back and others she'd accuse me of making her feel guilty. I eventually got the message and stopped saying it but the next time we spoke she wished me a happy birthday and stuff and i said thank you and she said she missed me first this time, so naturally i said it back with a bit of hope. She then suggested going out the following week just for something to do which i happily agreed to. however over the next week i kept trying to organise something but as the week went on she became more and more reluctant so i just gave up. and then one morning i just decided i needed to move on as i was so scared of seeing her start talking to another guy on social media or something as i was still really missing her. She then got annoyed and said my emotions were everywhere and that it would be best to have some space but i apologised and said i really wanted to be friends. The next week however she messaged me saying she thinks its best to just move on and not talk anymore which was annoying because thats what i tried to do when we first broke up. we then didn't speak for about a week after which she text me accusing me of kicking her off my netflix which was true but she had been using it freely since we broke up. She then randomly said she was glad i had found someone else after i told her i had moved on which i found odd since i never once mentioned i was seeing someone else, i felt this was a test from her to see what id say. She then said that she had moved on and was seeing someone else which after doing loads of research on BPD relationships since the breakup i wasn't surprised at. I think she just wanted me to know she had moved on just fine. I just brought up all of the things to her that she'd said about not wanting anything with anyone and just wanting to focus on herself but she just passed it off and said she didn't go out looking for it she met him while she was out. Obviously this hurts a lot as its just hard to comprehend how one person can move on so quickly from a fairly long relationship to another guy in literally a month even though we were still talking fondly of each other for about 2 and a half weeks after breaking up. although after reading some of the stories on here my BPD ex was actually quite nice to me post breakup compared to others. she told me about her BPD quite early on in the relationship but i do feel extremely regretful now that i didn't do more extensive research on BPD relationships while together because since we broke up i have done so much research and I've realised in hindsight i was doing so many little things wrong. i do miss her but i feel I've got to do my best to move on now even though somehow i do feel it won't be the last i hear from her depending on how this thing goes with the new guy she's seeing.

[.95.]

so i was in a this relationship with a BPD girl for almost exactly a year, and she quite abruptly broke up with me. The first 11 months were good but stressful(at least there weren't any problems with us or so i thought) but the last month prior to the breakup wasn't ideal, she kept needing space and didn't want to see me as often as we normally did which i didn't really understand at the time. But it then seemed like we had got through that and the following week things seemed to be back to normal, she was looking at holidays for my birthday and she seemed fine. However the week after that she broke up with me after saying she's been feeling low for a while now and she doesn't want to drag me with her. obviously i was really upset as i had done everything i could to try and make sure she was happy, anything i could do to make her life easier basically. She said stuff like never say never but i just can't handle a relationship right now and that you've done nothing wrong its something i need to do for me. admittedly she's said stuff like this once or twice before only for a couple of hours later to change her mind and apologise and want to see me and things would be okay again for a while. so i at this point i kept thinking that she'd change her mind again and things would go back to how they were because when we were together we really were happy with each other. This didn't happen so the following week i said that id need to move on and not talk to her again but she got really upset and said she still needed me because i was her best friend as well. At this point i reluctantly agreed but only because she said things like I'm not interested in anything with anyone else for a while which made me think if i stuck around a bit we'd get back together eventually. Over the next week or two i was still really missing her and occasionally told her i missed her and loved her, sometimes she'd say it back and others she'd accuse me of making her feel guilty. I eventually got the message and stopped saying it but the next time we spoke she wished me a happy birthday and stuff and i said thank you and she said she missed me first this time, so naturally i said it back with a bit of hope. She then suggested going out the following week just for something to do which i happily agreed to. however over the next week i kept trying to organise something but as the week went on she became more and more reluctant so i just gave up. and then one morning i just decided i needed to move on as i was so scared of seeing her start talking to another guy on social media or something as i was still really missing her. She then got annoyed and said my emotions were everywhere and that it would be best to have some space but i apologised and said i really wanted to be friends. The next week however she messaged me saying she thinks its best to just move on and not talk anymore which was annoying because thats what i tried to do when we first broke up. we then didn't speak for about a week after which she text me accusing me of kicking her off my netflix which was true but she had been using it freely since we broke up. She then randomly said she was glad i had found someone else after i told her i had moved on which i found odd since i never once mentioned i was seeing someone else, i felt this was a test from her to see what id say. She then said that she had moved on and was seeing someone else which after doing loads of research on BPD relationships since the breakup i wasn't surprised at. I think she just wanted me to know she had moved on just fine. I just brought up all of the things to her that she'd said about not wanting anything with anyone and just wanting to focus on herself but she just passed it off and said she didn't go out looking for it she met him while she was out. Obviously this hurts a lot as its just hard to comprehend how one person can move on so quickly from a fairly long relationship to another guy in literally a month even though we were still talking fondly of each other for about 2 and a half weeks after breaking up. although after reading some of the stories on here my BPD ex was actually quite nice to me post breakup compared to others. she told me about her BPD quite early on in the relationship but i do feel extremely regretful now that i didn't do more extensive research on BPD relationships while together because since we broke up i have done so much research and I've realised in hindsight i was doing so many little things wrong. i do miss her but i feel I've got to do my best to move on now even though somehow i do feel it won't be the last i hear from her depending on how this thing goes with the new guy she's seeing.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi .95.-

Your story sounds very familiar around here, you may have noticed if you've been reading a lot of threads.  I'm sorry you're going through that, it is very painful and confusing.

Have you read this? https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality
Very helpful information that most of us relate to coming out of these relationships.

She then randomly said she was glad i had found someone else after i told her i had moved on which i found odd since i never once mentioned i was seeing someone else, i felt this was a test from her to see what id say. She then said that she had moved on and was seeing someone else which after doing loads of research on BPD relationships since the breakup i wasn't surprised at.

It may not have been a test, since "moving on" means seeing someone else to a borderline, a borderline being someone who must attach to someone to feel whole, to feel complete, in fact feel like they exist at all.

[william3693]

Hello .95,

Your story is very similar to mine.You are lucky to have found this forum as I
did not have it when it first happened to me.

as a forum member just said to me it is hard to believe that the best girlfriend in the
world would be the worst partner in the world.They are very good in the short term
and blow up in the long run.

It is very painful how they move on so quick but that is one of the main things of this disorder.

I think they cared at the time but it switches off like a light switch in their brain.

I had the same distancing as you before the end sex became less and less also.

They can come back, mine has 3 times with the same pattern each time.

Sorry this happened to you. It is very painful.

The best thing is no contact even if you want them back (which I advise against but I do not listen to my own advise) NC is a winner if you want to leave or if you want back.

[Xstang77]

Don't feel alone my friend,my ex was with her second guy not even 4 days after sleeping with me and whispering sweet nothings in my ear,you should take note just like myself that with how fast our ex's jumped into another realtionship is a clear fact that there unstable and this new relationship most likely won't last,as mentioned your best weapon right now is nc and start your rocky climb out of the Fog.

[.95.]

"It may not have been a test, since "moving on" means seeing someone else to a borderline, a borderline being someone who must attach to someone to feel whole, to feel complete, in fact feel like they exist at all."

I honestly don't know, it seemed like she was trying to find out if i had moved on properly or was seeing someone with some kind of reverse psychology which I have to admit i haven't moved on yet, I'm just trying to come across as if i have and that I'm not bothered what she does but yeah its so weird how they can drop a year long relationship and move on so quickly.

[.95.]

Hello .95,

Your story is very similar to mine.You are lucky to have found this forum as I
did not have it when it first happened to me.

as a forum member just said to me it is hard to believe that the best girlfriend in the
world would be the worst partner in the world.They are very good in the short term
and blow up in the long run.

It is very painful how they move on so quick but that is one of the main things of this disorder.

I think they cared at the time but it switches off like a light switch in their brain.

I had the same distancing as you before the end sex became less and less also.

They can come back, mine has 3 times with the same pattern each time.

Sorry this happened to you. It is very painful.

The best thing is no contact even if you want them back (which I advise against but I do not listen to my own advise) NC is a winner if you want to leave or if you want back.

I don't even know how i would feel if she came back, i guess it depends when that would be. I would definitely need lots of reassurances but even then I'm really not sure. We've not really had a no contact period yet, the last 3 conversations we've had have been her messaging me first, but i don't have any intention of messaging her first or showing signs of wanting her back, ill let her get on with her new guy( unless she was lying about him i don't know). The thing is she does get treatment for her condition, most of while we were together she saw a doctor every two weeks who prescribed her different forms of medication(which she hated) and then just before we broke up she quit that and started counselling instead so its not like i can even recommend she gets help as she already is trying her best. Its hard not to have sympathy for her really.

[.95.]

Don't feel alone my friend,my ex was with her second guy not even 4 days after sleeping with me and whispering sweet nothings in my ear,you should take note just like myself that with how fast our ex's jumped into another realtionship is a clear fact that there unstable and this new relationship most likely won't last,as mentioned your best weapon right now is nc and start your rocky climb out of the Fog.

It was a first relationship for both of us as well. I couldn't have asked for a more complicated first relationship! It really is mind blowing how the feelings change so quick and then they move on just as quick, it does make me wonder if the whole relationship was actually real but i know for a fact this won't be the last I hear from her for better or worse. i also mentioned the fact that id done loads of research on BPD since breaking up and that everything that had happened actually made sense and she got really annoyed and said they weren't related at all.