Bpd gf and mother of 5 discarded me for a lesbian

[Splitblack4good]

 The thing is she hurt me that badly that I don't feel anything for her now she destroyed feelings that I only ever had for her
I understand that on here why some nons go no contact or when they do hear from them again and try to get sucked back in . The fact is I can't go no contact as I have a son with her . I'm not sure how she will feel when she's back . If she feels to much shame , guilt etc I don't know . She will prob rage call me names and be horrible but nothing she does will affect me anymore just rise above it and walk away .
She will have to live with all the shame and feel more pain than before and will live like that for life . Real sad .

[fromheeltoheal]

She will have to live with all the shame and feel more pain than before and will live like that for life . Real sad .

It is sad.  And borderlines can't live with the shame and the pain, they're too much and too strong, which is where the motivation comes from to develop the tools to deal with it, projection, splitting, cognitive distortion, and although they work to help a borderline feel better, the feelings show up in other ways, like real or suspected physical illnesses, which you've experienced in her SB4G.

Since you have a son with her and she'll be in your life on some level for a while, do you see a benefit in educating yourself on why she does what she does SB4G?

[Splitblack4good]

Since you have a son with her and she'll be in your life on some level for a while, do you see a benefit in educating yourself on why she does what she does SB4G?

Yes I'm not going to stop learning why she does it and of course there is the aspect of every pwBPD is different i have to do it for the health of my son not only that I will explain when he's older about his upbringing . What concerns me is how many more cycles and failed relationships is my son goin to witness .I know her background and why she is like it . Mum is a narc and dad was an emotionless cheating physical abuser that just expected his daughter to grow up without any kind of love or support .
I do feel pity for her and would not wish BPD on anyone . There were times I saw her real self and she is a great person but the person she will always be is the illness and it saddens me .

[fromheeltoheal]

I do feel pity for her and would not wish BPD on anyone . There were times I saw her real self and she is a great person but the person she will always be is the illness and it saddens me .

Yes, the disorder is very challenging to live with and it's sad, for everyone.  Good awareness on the conditions she grew up in, and good you're continuing to learn; that will help you, your son and her moving forward.

[Splitblack4good]

My ex rang me last night on FaceTime as she wished to see and talk to our son .
I had no problems looking at her but she kept trying to look away from the phones camera she looked so stressed .

A lot of shame and guilt in those eyes .
I kept it friendly .
I can't help but feel it was awkward her end . She's back tomorrow and wants to talk .
Be interesting to see what she has to say .im not going to get sucked back in just want to see if there is anymore lies or BS.

[Splitblack4good]

  I forgot to add that she text me afterwards and said she feels like a really bad mother . I think she may of had a dose of reality and feels abit more guilt . She will prob blame that on me at some point but then i won't react in a way I'm hoping that my replacement has taken abit of verbal from her as she cant escape ! They are still on holiday .

[Dutched]

No, she does not feel like a bad mother.
She likes you to feel compassion with her, in order to keep part of the attachment alive.
That’s to benefit her. She needs you, you, the one to rely on for the sake of your son!

So watch out, as you will have to deal with her for many years to come with your kid!
Telling you that you are a good father…
Acting, manipulating and a smear campaign when you don’t comply to her demands related to your kid
Not holding to her part of the upbringing, but expecting you to hold yours!
Etc.   Please watch your back.

Maybe a bit harsh to say, but you only saw shame in her eyes.
You might have seen the helpless hurt child with the big eyes looking for your love, seeking compassion, seeking the one that releases her pain.
NOT guilt, guilt is feeling pain.
PwBPD suppress pain as pain causes so much more pain to them.
Shame is a primary reaction only. Just like blushing, nothing more.
Guilt is awareness of pain caused and the ability to self reflect in order to change.

Your ex (and all of them as described on this Board) don’t have a real sense of self. A half core that’s all.
Therefore looking for and always searching for ‘something different’ to fill that other half of the missing core.
So turning into a lesbian, an affair down, hooking a great granddad, hooking one in her twenties, giving up the family ‘to chase’ their Disney fairytale, it will be the universal “the best ever happened to me”.

Anyone will do as long as they feel rescued and feel the a deep attachment until…

Hang in there Splitblack4good!