I am not saying all with BPD are- just one persons experience. I have spent years trying to define my BPD ex, in part to get her help and in part to better understand what she has done to me. I spent hours maybe hundreds of hours learning about BPD, cluster b, sociopathy , bipolar , ptsd and maybe every other metal disorder and disease. Last night I stumbled upon the word depraved. Google the definition, I had to. It fits her to a t. I don't know and don't care the pathology behind it anymore. She is just a bad , evil person who will stop at nothing to get me back. Delusional , yes. Bpd , yes, bipolar maybe.
She had been in therapy, had dbt, Biofeedback brain therapy, group therapy, medication, and outpatient programs at one of the best psychiatric hospitals in ny.
Has this helped? Maybe less reactive . But her character values and moral compass are unchanged. In the first conversation in months the continued to lie and attempt to deceive .
When people say you can't cure crazy I now believe they are correct. I though mental health professionals could help a person clearly suffering. Maybe the can help symptoms - outburst , splitting ect. But when a person has no sole , no character / harder to fix.
She blames everyone and everything for her problems including me. But no one can hep the depraved.
Any thoughts
As an excersize, for your own healing... .first:
1.) Ask yourself, did your ex have disctict personalities, which they could literally switch to and from, moment to moment.
2.) If so, identify those. And plot them on a piece of paper. Connect them with lines, what were the common switches. What triggered which switch.
I think a lot of what BPD is, is not having a true self. Rather, many fragments of many selves.
My Ex had what I beleive to be 5 primary and one Core personality.
She was:
1.) A healthy Confident Young Woman
2.) A Parent who was unjustly punitive, and would punish me if she perceived me to wrong her in any way.
3.) An abandoned child, longing to be loved. Please love me. Please call me. I love you.
4.) An angry child. Temper tantrums. I hate you. Different from the parent (Number 2); who would deal with punishment on a higher more painful level. The angry child would yell and scream. The parent would sit me in the corner and time me out for 2 weeks with no contact.
5.) The loving girlfriend, who was deep down totally indifferent to my feelings. She would say she cares, but truthfully, if I was hurting, and she had to dry her hair... .you can guess which was more important. If I was lying on the ground on fire, and she had a bottle of water... .but was thirsty, she'd yell can someone get some water? My boyfriend is on fire but I am thirsty... .Fake Care.
6.) The Core: A personality which only revealed it self perhaps 3, maybe 4 times in 5.5 years. Scary as hell. Eyes, literally dark, dead. Voice monotone. These small moments, she would tell me: "I feel nothing" "I do not have emotions". Like the scariest evil look in the world, where you realize, wow... .this person is really troubled.
The Core... .connected them all. And rarely came out.
But the confident adult, could easily flip to the parent about to punish.
The abandoned child, easily flip to the angry child. Then to the healthy adult, acting coy, like she was all good and didnt care.
I hope this makes sense. Give it a shot.
