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Author Topic: My romantic BPD GF  (Read 367 times)
maddy786

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 25


« on: September 03, 2016, 02:27:30 AM »

So heres my story

I am 28 yrs old unmarried and i met my friend who is 28 yrs old married with a 1 yr kid. She met me and we became instant friends and days after we became more than friends and were hanging a lot quite often. Her hubby is busy in office all day/night. After 2 months of talking we had sex in my home. It was mind blowing i would say. She said she loves me more than her daughter and so on... .I didnt believed it in first place because we were in touch about last 2 months. Then we had regular sex for every week on/off. I would admit that the SEX was awesome, mind blowing and unforgettable. She occasionally cuts her wrists when i didnt pick the call or replied her sms. She even ran away from her home when i was upset with her one day. Her shopping would never end and i spent a good amount of my money on her. But after a year or so she was acting differently. She accused me of things i didnt meant or do. She said she was diagnosed with Cancer and needed some money for tests. I gave her. Each month i gave her good amount of money over past 3 years, she sucked me financially dry. Whenever i asked about medical bills, receipts she would cry, abuse me for not trusting her and even broke up with me. After spending about $70,000 for 3 years i came to know she didnt had cancer at all. I found out after i went to the hospital she referred to. After all these red flags, i found out she slept with 25 ppl includes office peers, clients, her all male friends, close buddies and i even doubt she slept with few women as well just to be feel needed. She went to another city with office team of 25 members on a 3 day trip, during that time she slept with 4 ppl. Cant digest that. When i confronted this to her, all she was to say "Sorry". thats all and she cut me off. I am financially, emotionally down. Should i tell her hubby and family members that she has BPD ?/
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Mutt
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« Reply #1 on: September 03, 2016, 01:59:17 PM »

Hi maddy786,

Welcome

Wow that's quite the story. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm glad that you decided to join us, you'll find many members here that can relate with you and offer you guidance and support.

Excerpt
Should i tell her hubby and family members that she has BPD ?

What do you have in mind? A family intervention so that she gets help for her BPD?
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livednlearned
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
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« Reply #2 on: September 03, 2016, 03:38:23 PM »

Do you want to stay in the relationship?
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Breathe.
waverider
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Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
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« Reply #3 on: September 03, 2016, 06:49:42 PM »

Can you clarify the relationship between you , her and the hubby. as your involvement has been ongoing and extensive.

Much of her behavior will be seen as her business and non of yours in her eyes, hence the lack of real guilt for any of her actions no matter who they may affect. Thats how she met you in the first place after all.
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maddy786

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
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Posts: 25


« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2016, 04:51:07 AM »

Bullet: comment directed to __ (click to insert in post) Mutt
Yes, I want her family to know about her BPD so that they can take her to therapy.

@livednlearned
There is no relationship now, she cut me off, no contact with me since 2 months.

@waverider
I know her hubby. He is such innocent, loyal and committed to her. He isnt aware of any of the sh!t she has done.

Well I am feeling guilty, shamed because i cheated a good person (her hubby). We met a couple of times over a drink, he is so innocent. loyal and committed to her. At first i didnt wanted to get into an affair with her but seeing her so called love (Clinging Phase) i thought it was worth it. But after finding out about her past, was digging out with her friends, sisters. I feel really ashamed of my actions, upon how she manipulated, played with my emotions to the core and she made me do few things which i shouldnt have done in the first place.

That feeling of guilt is so heavy in my heart that i am not even unable to eat food. She cut me off like a month ago, since then i am digging about her past, present and everything. Seeing all these red flags since 2 years, in the month of Dec 2015 when there was her bday i hacked her phone with a software which sends her call recordings, sms, mesgs to a site which i can access, just to be on safe side. I was so stupid i didnt checked till June 2016 when we had a fight regarding her cancer medical bills. She said she has cancer but was gaining weight like anything. When i checked the site to see whats going on in her iphone, You wont believe in span of 7 months she has 75K whatsapp mesgs, 9K FB mesgs, 4K Viber mesgs, 2K Hike mesgs, 2K Facetime calls, 8K voice calls from different numbers and not to mention 12K photos in which 8K where only her selfies with her male friends. She had some 800 friends in FB and only 89 are females rest are males.

I had no patience to go through the trove but i would say she slept with every man she met. I should agree she is sexy as hell and wears short dresses and super intelligent to attract any male. She even slept with some of my friends i know !

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Notwendy
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
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« Reply #5 on: September 04, 2016, 06:59:06 AM »

I would do some soul searching about telling the hubby or not. If it is mainly because of your own guilt, to get that off your chest, that is probably not a reason to do so. You may feel better, but it could cause him significant pain. That would be helping you, not him.

Considering her history of affairs with others and her behavior, I find it hard to believe he is that unaware. Surely, if you were her one and only transgression, it is understandable that you would feel you are to blame for damaging the marriage. Not that what you did was OK- it is not, but it would seem this is repeated behavior for her, in addition to other issues. I think it would be hard to hide all of that from a spouse, but I guess it is possible.

Another concern is denial. Some people choose this.

Then, there is the drama triangle. Are some of your feelings coming from a desire to rescue him? To expose her out of your own pain and anger?

Is this something you would like to apologize for? That makes sense. It also reminds me of the steps in 12 step groups where one is considering apologizing to people they have harmed with the exception of if the apology would cause them harm. Telling a person about an affair with their spouse is something to think about.

I don't have an answer to this one. It's pretty complicated.
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Mutt
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« Reply #6 on: September 04, 2016, 07:31:12 AM »

Hi maddy786,

I agree with everything Notwendy said. I understand that you're feeling a lot guilt, maybe even regret and anger. I could be wrong but it sounds like you're carrying all of it on your back, she had her part in this too?

She has a lot of attachments and you said that she can be quite manipulative. What do you think she'll say to loved ones if she's confronted about a personality disorder?
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