Where, who, what, why...

[Trobled]

My partner was recently diagnosed with BPD.  I am at a loss how to feel, what to expect, how to help, how to no hinder.  The NAMI support groups are very limited in times.  I seem to be dealing with the same struggles with my partner and with my children.  I get angry and then realize it doesn't do any good.  I want to cry and I find myself thinking it could be worse.  My partner is trying to get into DBT, but there is a wait list.  The therapist calls her out on her stuff, she gets mad and wants to quit.  The emotions get overwhelming and she doesn't know what to do, but won't do any of the tools her provider has recommended.  Today I had to convince my 18 year old to stay at school and accept that my partner just didn't want to work today.  I am focused on getting them through the day and then not focused on my own work tasks.  I am isolated - not many friends and my family is not supportive but very judgemental. 
Mad, sad, hurt, lonely, frustrated... .I don't know what to feel myself.  Would a co-dependent group help for support?  I see a therapist, but not consistently.
I guess I am here to look for some understanding, insight, and things I don't even know I might need.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

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I guess I am here to look for some understanding, insight, and things I don't even know I might need.

We do that here.   

Do you want to know how others feel like when we learn our partner has BPD?

[waverider]

 

You have found the right place my friend.

You will learn a lot more here than you will in a support group. You will find more people going through EXACTLY the same thing. Thats not to say support groups dont have value, but they are not tailored to addressing YOUR problems.

It starts with changing your attitude and responses. Not that I am saying you are wrong, or at fault. But out of everything that is the one thing you can control, the rest is more a case of flow on effect.

Rediscovering self belief and personal direction, not just reacting and trying to constantly plug holes in a vain attempt to "fix" things.