Any warm Body will do?

[Confused108]

I'm just curious if anyone else's ex BPD has done this. I noticed with my ex BPD she would pick up with anybody. And I mean anybody. Good looking , ugly etc. . As long as they gave her attention and fell all over her she was on them like a bee to honey. Anyone else see this with their exs? It's like they have no bounderies!

[Herodias]

Yes, but they need to be a good source for them to stick around. Someone who can take care of them and satisfy their needs... .Don't let it make you feel down.

[JerryRG]

I've alway thought this about my exgf as well, the guy she was dating and wanting to marry and have a family with before we got together was really something.

Her mother met him and told my exgf to not bring "it" around her ever again. He was burnt out on drugs, and got her hooked on meth. Her current bf, as described by his pastor, has an extensive criminal record and is severely mentally ill.

Indeed, look at her and you're the one.

How humiliating for me now that I write this, reality bites but it's the only way to exist.

Good post Confused108

And I mean no disrespect for anyone, it's just sad she will attach to any guy that like you said, attention, validation... .

[Confused108]

Yes, but they need to be a good source for them to stick around. Someone who can take care of them and satisfy their needs... .Don't let it make you feel down.

. Belive me I'm not down at all. I'm not the one picking up skanks and having sex with them! People I  would never touch with a 10 foot pole. God just Thinking about it is making me sick to my stomach.

[Confused108]

I've alway thought this about my exgf as well, the guy she was dating and wanting to marry and have a family with before we got together was really something.

Her mother met him and told my exgf to not bring "it" around her ever again. He was burnt out on drugs, and got her hooked on meth. Her current bf, as described by his pastor, has an extensive criminal record and is severely mentally ill.

Indeed, look at her and you're the one.

How humiliating for me now that I write this, reality bites but it's the only way to exist.

Good post Confused108

And I mean no disrespect for anyone, it's just sad she will attach to any guy that like you said, attention, validation... .

i agree Jerry. It is very sad. My ex even told me how she couldn't do it anymore . I can't , she said I just can't let them do this to my body anymore. I was in total shock. And what is she doing now? Trying to recycle her ex boyfriend because he went out in a date with a new girl the other night as I've been told. I hope he runs and runs fast from her.

[Rayban]

I think alot of it as to with receiving atention and validation constantly. I believe it's more then just being junkies to it in that the more they consume the more they need. It's a matter of life or death.  My ex could not be alone for very long, and when she's lacking attention she goes out hunting or dials up anyone who could be reeled in.

It could be men or women young or old. It didn't matter. I work with my ex, and I've observed the people she targets all have a certain sadness about them. There is a volnurabilty about them. Concious or unconciouslly she knows she could exploit that. Then it's about different uses for different people with the main goal being providing attention validation and soothing her emotionally state. These are all things she is incapable of doing for herself. 

I think she knows she's dependent on people and sometimes she's sick of doing what she does, but she knows no other way and would rather living like she does rather then seek help.

It's a f*ING shame cause she's a smart beautiful girl who could be doing so much more with her life.

[Confused108]

I think alot of it as to with receiving atention and validation constantly. I believe it's more then just being junkies to it in that the more they consume the more they need. It's a matter of life or death.  My ex could not be alone for very long, and when she's lacking attention she goes out hunting or dials up anyone who could be reeled in.

It could be men or women young or old. It didn't matter. I work with my ex, and I've observed the people she targets all have a certain sadness about them. There is a volnurabilty about them. Concious or unconciouslly she knows she could exploit that. Then it's about different uses for different people with the main goal being providing attention validation and soothing her emotionally state. These are all things she is incapable of doing for herself.  

I think she knows she's dependent on people and sometimes she's sick of doing what she does, but she knows no other way and would rather living like she does rather then seek help.

It's a f*ING shame cause she's a smart beautiful girl who could be doing so much more with her life.

it is a shame Rayban. Absolutely. I know my ex from 12yo kids. I know her when she was Normal! Kills me she has become this monster but she at times would know she is mentally ill and want to get help and then other times she became this Diffrent person and say it was everyone else who was mental not her. It reminds me of Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde. Like they have a constant battle within themselves.  Heartbreaking... .
A

[Hopefulgirl]

Said to my ex once "was I just a convenient warm body to you?" (after being dropped on my head for someone new) and he just stared at me for a bit and said "sex meant nothing and touching you was nothing more than like patting a cat" . Will never forget it until day i die.

Its been said that pwBPD use a "warm body" to fill some kind of void, because they feel so empty (some who don't have BPD do the same... .). To be blunt and direct, intimate moments between us he would close his eyes most of the way. I found it most hurtful. Like, I could be anyone although he always said how he found me very attractive.

After he had dumped the "replacement"  he said to me one day that he was only attracted to her because "I was into the fact that she was so into me".
Thats it.

[Confused108]

Said to my ex once "was I just a convenient warm body to you?" (after being dropped on my head for someone new) and he just stared at me for a bit and said "sex meant nothing and touching you was nothing more than like patting a cat" . Will never forget it until day i die.

Its been said that pwBPD use a "warm body" to fill some kind of void, because they feel so empty (some who don't have BPD do the same... .). To be blunt and direct, intimate moments between us he would close his eyes most of the way. I found it most hurtful. Like, I could be anyone although he always said how he found me very attractive.

After he had dumped the "replacement"  he said to me one day that he was only attracted to her because "I was into the fact that she was so into me".
Thats it.

so sorry you went thru that Hopeful. Mine told me she never loved me and didn't know why she ever said it to begin with. Before my discard I remember her telling me about a young man she had bought up to her apt in Canada in Dec of 2014. She had asked me prior that year to come up and spend 2weeks with her but I declined. I live in Ny . Well she jumped on this kid whom she met online and used him for 10 days. He was in his 20s my ex was 41. Well she told me she had to get drunk just to put up with him and that she felt an attraction at the beginning ... but that it lived only in her mind! Wtf is that? So we can see how crazy they really are! The kid feel in love with her and she told him she just wants to remain friends... .yea until she trys to recycle him again too!

[Bushido]

It's a f*ING shame cause she's a smart beautiful girl who could be doing so much more with her life.

i agree on that one... .
if only she could have seen what i tried to show her... .
But the reality is ... .you can´t show someone what they don´t want to see.

and so . . . one needs to focus on their own life.
atleast that´s how i understand my position.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Confused-

I'm just curious if anyone else's ex BPD has done this. I noticed with my ex BPD she would pick up with anybody. And I mean anybody. Good looking , ugly etc. . As long as they gave her attention and fell all over her she was on them like a bee to honey. Anyone else see this with their exs? It's like they have no bounderies!

Think attachments with borderlines.  A borderline needs to attach to someone else to feel whole, to feel complete, to feel like they exist at all.  So that's the focus: someone who is available to attach, doesn't matter what they look like, doesn't matter what they do, as long as they're available to attach emotionally, that makes a borderline feel better.

[Confused108]

Thanks HH! The thing I don't understand is if they do have someone they are involved with why end things for? It's like they cause their own chaos.

[pgri8684]

Think attachments with borderlines.  A borderline needs to attach to someone else to feel whole, to feel complete, to feel like they exist at all.  So that's the focus: someone who is available to attach, doesn't matter what they look like, doesn't matter what they do, as long as they're available to attach emotionally, that makes a borderline feel better.

I can relate to this. My Ex cannot be alone and feel well; what's really freakening is that she enters a relation, has sex and moves in without really testing the guy. Everything within one month.
This time she seems to be lucky with my replacement but she once related me how many times she picked the wrong number

[fromheeltoheal]

Thanks HH! The thing I don't understand is if they do have someone they are involved with why end things for? It's like they cause their own chaos.

Yes, you're right Confused, and fulfill their own prophesy of being abandoned.  And remember a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships is an official trait of the disorder.

So now that we know that, is that information helping with your detachment Confused, are you using it?

[Confused108]

Thanks again HH yes it is to an extent. I just have a hard time understanding what my ex did. From her being normal when I dated her to my mom breaking us up and then her turning into this monster she is today. I also just found out that she is back with an ex boyfriend whom she has recycled x amount of times. It's just nuts!

[SummerStorm]

My BPD friend can't sleep alone.  She literally does just need a warm body.  Doesn't matter who it is.  Her most recent ex went home to his parents' place, two hours away, after she kicked him out for using heroin.  This is a guy she told me she was going to marry, blah blah blah.  He left on a Thursday or so, and by Saturday, she was out with some new guy.  She keeps denying that he is anything other than a co-worker, but she just posted a picture on Snapchat of him sleeping on top of her, so that's obviously a lie.  It wouldn't surprise me if she was messing around with him even before her ex left. 

The heroin addict ex came days after she broke up with another guy that she thought was "the one."  She attaches to the first person she finds, and that's usually a drug addict or someone of that caliber.

[Rayban]

My BPD friend can't sleep alone.  She literally does just need a warm body.  Doesn't matter who it is.  Her most recent ex went home to his parents' place, two hours away, after she kicked him out for using heroin.  This is a guy she told me she was going to marry, blah blah blah.  He left on a Thursday or so, and by Saturday, she was out with some new guy.  She keeps denying that he is anything other than a co-worker, but she just posted a picture on Snapchat of him sleeping on top of her, so that's obviously a lie.  It wouldn't surprise me if she was messing around with him even before her ex left. 

The heroin addict ex came days after she broke up with another guy that she thought was "the one."  She attaches to the first person she finds, and that's usually a drug addict or someone of that caliber.

A never ending array of "just friends " exes who of course are also friends, coworkers etc. It never ended with my ex. Always making sure she would never run out

I think it may seem that anyone would do, but I think they have a very good sense of who is most likely to tolerate their crap. That's who they go for.

[Confused108]

Wow now that you guys just said they don't like to sleep alone my ex told me the same thing. She didn't like sleeping alone . How she would sucker her "ex"s back in was she would either call them or text them  I'm scared and these morons would come runnning. I think out of all her ex"s I'm the only one who figured out who and what she is. Just wish I knew about this way before hand.

[Rayban]

Wow now that you guys just said they don't like to sleep alone my ex told me the same thing. She didn't like sleeping alone . How she would sucker her "ex"s back in was she would either call them or text them  I'm scared and these morons would come runnning. I think out of all her ex"s I'm the only one who figured out who and what she is. Just wish I knew about this way before hand.

Having this openess with all these men also attracts some who know xactly what they are dealing with and use the person with BPD for sex. Sometimes it's married men or those who already have girlfriends and who won't bring the emotional element,  which suits them both.

Others might be able to spot a BPD a mile away and just use them. The smart ones are those who can spot them and have enough sense to want absolutely nothing to do with them . That's who I strive to become.

[Confused108]

I agree with u tayban but trust me with my ex these guys feel in love with her. In fact they fall all over her is sick. And then when she leaves they are dropped on their heads thinking what the heck just happened!

[JerryRG]

I know this says little good about me but my therapist told me on many occasions that a healthy man would give my exgf about 10 min then run the other way.

She can fool some, but not the guys who don't have serious issues of their own.

[CitizenBell]

I know this says little good about me but my therapist told me on many occasions that a healthy man would give my exgf about 10 min then run the other way.

She can fool some, but not the guys who don't have serious issues of their own.

I've been told that most men would have run a mile when my BPD was saying all those intense things to me so quickly and that most men would have dumped her way before she ended up dumping me.

Mine had three boyfriends in 9 months. Three quite different ones, although maybe I'm more similar to the first than I thought I was. This one she's with now apparently has his head glued on and has it together so we'll see. He used to work in the same place me and her do, same place her first boyfriend worked. Hell, people have seen them together outside the building. You'd think she'd want to avoid getting a reputation and date someone not totally connected with work.

[bestintentions]

My r/s lasted 25 years before I knew about the infidelities and they became aplenty before I stopped contacting her.  Not sure what that says about me either.    Every case of BPD is unique.

[Rayban]

I know this says little good about me but my therapist told me on many occasions that a healthy man would give my exgf about 10 min then run the other way.

She can fool some, but not the guys who don't have serious issues of their own.

Jerry,

I agree. Coming to the realization that I kept her in my life even after I knew she was disordered, meant I had to work on finding and fixing what that was.

I think with experience they instinctively know who is more likely to put up with them.

[Kelli Cornett]

Yes. I believe they are this way.

Whatever covers the hole.

[Confused108]

I know this says little good about me but my therapist told me on many occasions that a healthy man would give my exgf about 10 min then run the other way.

She can fool some, but not the guys who don't have serious issues of their own.

Jerry,

I agree. Coming to the realization that I kept her in my life even after I knew she was disordered, meant I had to work on finding and fixing what that was.

I think with experience they instinctively know who is more likely to put up with them.

Agree with all this! Dido!