The replacements ex...what are the odds?

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hey gang (not sure if this should be in dating)

I had my mind completely and utterly blown last night, and I just had to get it out. About 9/10 months post break up, and I'm feeling really good, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Occasionally I've have some thoughts that set me back, but I've worked hard to rebuild my life and I'm starting to feel the benefits. All good. I've been very casually dating and a few weeks ago I matched with a girl on Tinder, who turns out just lives 2 minutes down the road and we share so many common interests. At the very least, I've made a potential good friend. We'd been texting each other things we think the other might like, and she had a car crash yesterday and text me straight away - and I felt worried! (she's all fine).

So last night she came with a friend down to a bar I was playing pool at and we were having a chat, before she mentioned a couple of things about her ex that sounded really familiar. The name, the age, the occupation... .all sounded eerily similar to my replacement. I took a leap, "I know this might sound really weird but... .I think your ex might be with mine!". And it all fell in to place, our exes were with each other and we were both sat there in a state of stunned silence.

We spoke about our experiences (her ex has narcissistic personality disorder) and she told me how she has a lot of mutual friends and their relationship sounds just as toxic and manic as ours was. But we just got to a point that we just didn't want to talk about our exes even more. All of a sudden we'd gone from casual acquaintances and out of the mess of our previous relationships this really great bond just appeared out of nowhere, and I honestly felt this overwhelming sense of calmness just wash over me. It felt wonderful.

So, we just went out and had such a brilliant night out together that ended at 6am with a pretty passionate kiss. Now I'm not a religious man, but I believe that something pushed us towards meeting and to have already had this connection even before we knew about our exes. Life just has this peculiar way of sorting itself out I guess.

[duncsvoice]

Hey gang (not sure if this should be in dating)

I had my mind completely and utterly blown last night, and I just had to get it out. About 9/10 months post break up, and I'm feeling really good, emotionally, spiritually and physically. Occasionally I've have some thoughts that set me back, but I've worked hard to rebuild my life and I'm starting to feel the benefits. All good. I've been very casually dating and a few weeks ago I matched with a girl on Tinder, who turns out just lives 2 minutes down the road and we share so many common interests. At the very least, I've made a potential good friend. We'd been texting each other things we think the other might like, and she had a car crash yesterday and text me straight away - and I felt worried! (she's all fine).

So last night she came with a friend down to a bar I was playing pool at and we were having a chat, before she mentioned a couple of things about her ex that sounded really familiar. The name, the age, the occupation... .all sounded eerily similar to my replacement. I took a leap, "I know this might sound really weird but... .I think your ex might be with mine!". And it all fell in to place, our exes were with each other and we were both sat there in a state of stunned silence.

We spoke about our experiences (her ex has narcissistic personality disorder) and she told me how she has a lot of mutual friends and their relationship sounds just as toxic and manic as ours was. But we just got to a point that we just didn't want to talk about our exes even more. All of a sudden we'd gone from casual acquaintances and out of the mess of our previous relationships this really great bond just appeared out of nowhere, and I honestly felt this overwhelming sense of calmness just wash over me. It felt wonderful.

So, we just went out and had such a brilliant night out together that ended at 6am with a pretty passionate kiss. Now I'm not a religious man, but I believe that something pushed us towards meeting and to have already had this connection even before we knew about our exes. Life just has this peculiar way of sorting itself out I guess.

[C.Stein]

So was this the final piece of the puzzle that allows you to achieve complete indifference with respect to your ex?  Do you feel now your detaching is complete or are there still issues you are dealing with?

[WendyDavid]

This would make either a great romantic movie or horror film.  I hope for the former.  Watch out that the two of you don't spend too much time talking about your exes!

[SoMadSoSad]

Congratulations. SOunds like you have a wonderful life ahead of you. I am happy you made it out of this mess. I hope to some day be as lucky as you. Cheers.

[duncsvoice]

Thanks for the replies all.

@C.Stein I think I was on the cusp anyway, but after last night I'm finally there. It was incredibly speaking with my fellow 'survivor', and hearing that our exes are back in that maelstrom did finally put it to bed. I feel at peace at last. I'm still changed and it will take me a while to want to be with anyone, but that bitterness has gone.

@WendyDavid Haha, me too! We quite quickly decided we didn't want to waste any more time on our exes. The initial revelation was really cathartic, but I'm not interested in my ex, she isn't interested in hers (although she has to go through the divorce). It was a couple of hours getting it all out, then the rest of the night enjoying each other's company!

@SoMadSoSad Thank you. I don't know if I've got a wonderful life planned just yet, but I'm working on it! I feel like it was important that we met. This board truly is wonderful with the support every one gives, and even though I guess I'm now ready to embark on my next stage of the journey, my BPD ex will have changed me intrinsically so I'll be coming back for years.

[Curiously1]

This is a really surprising story! The world is such a small place
Nice to hear that you two are getting along and things have been lovely.
You will have plenty to talk about! Just not too much on your exes ok? 
Good luck!