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Author Topic: 5 hours she made it for 5 hours  (Read 378 times)
Bushido
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« on: October 17, 2016, 04:53:39 PM »

she has been with the kids for 5 hours!
She calls me and makes a problem because i took our oldest daughter
to a kind of walking diagnoses . . .  and i didn´t tell her about it!
My daughter is always complaining about pain in her feet so i hand it checked out...
And she need support in her shoes... and better shoes!
She didn´t do anything about it ... .but i did... .and it´s a problem.

so ... .
like my tattoo says... .

"enjoy when you can, but endure when you must"

a good reminder of why i got it...
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Mutt
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« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2016, 11:55:21 AM »

Hi Bushido,

Welcome

How did the conversation go? Was she really frustrating?
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Bushido
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« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2016, 03:21:04 PM »

How did the conversation go? Was she really frustrating?
yes... .  andi was the bad guy... .like always!

like i cant do something for my daughter without getting permission from her first.
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Mutt
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« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2016, 03:43:17 PM »

Hi Bushido,

I understand. I notice a couple of themes at play in your posts, I wanted to give you some help. My ex wife will try to blame me about the kids and will ask things repeadetely and I wanted to give you some help with that.

First BPD is a persecution complex, what means is that the person believes that their circumstances or what happens to them is not because of their choices and how they react to things but it is caused from outside circumstances. Your ex is probably feeling anxiety because of your D is experiencing pain and your ex is looking for re-assurance. We're not responsible for someone else's feelings, your ex or anyone else for that matter need to manage their emotions on their own or self sooth.

Second, if you look closely and maybe keep an eye for this pattern, your ex is rescuing your D and persecuting you, you'll probably notice this pattern often. I think that it helps to identify these traps, I'm not saying to point them out but to be indifferent and to stay in the middle

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle

Lastly, say things once, validate what is valid and don't validate the invalid, so if your ex keeps bringing up the same issues after it has been discussed, don't validate by repeating yourself, I'll say things once, sometimes twice but if my ex wants to bait or is she is dysregulated, I don't say anything else about the subject. I hope that helps.

COMMUNICATION: Validation - tools and techniques
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Bushido
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« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2016, 04:01:41 PM »

Lastly, say things once, validate what is valid and don't validate the invalid, so if your ex keeps bringing up the same issues after it has been discussed, don't validate by repeating yourself, I'll say things once, sometimes twice but if my ex wants to bait or is she is dysregulated, I don't say anything else about the subject. I hope that helps.

Thank you mutt...
this really does help...

she´s just still creating conflict over nothing...
i would think that when you meet someone new... fall in love and all that... .that you would
feel better and be happier... .and therefor want less conflict.

but all she want´s is a fight!
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Mutt
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« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2016, 04:17:56 PM »

Excerpt
but all she want´s is a fight!

I know. Back in 2013, I was confused because my ex left me and said that I was the problem and that her and the kids were happy in a new r/s with her bf, I thought that was odd that she said her and the kids were in a r/s but I think that it telegraphed that she's enmeshed with the kids. I was really hurt when she left me and left with the other man because I lost control in the r/s, I'm not talking about control over another person but my voice didn't carry any weight because I was triangulated. It was frustrating and we were fighting back and forth by text and emails, I was angry and supposedly she was happy with the new man, why bug me? A pwBPD are still emotionally attached and don't grieve a r/s healthily. I was also split black and her bf was split white, being split black or white takes time, eventually over the course of three years I was slowly split white and her bf slowly being split black, I seldom hear from her because she's busy splitting her bf black.
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