Hi Bushido,
I understand. I notice a couple of themes at play in your posts, I wanted to give you some help. My ex wife will try to blame me about the kids and will ask things repeadetely and I wanted to give you some help with that.
First BPD is a persecution complex, what means is that the person believes that their circumstances or what happens to them is not because of their choices and how they react to things but it is caused from outside circumstances. Your ex is probably feeling anxiety because of your D is experiencing pain and your ex is looking for re-assurance. We're not responsible for someone else's feelings, your ex or anyone else for that matter need to manage their emotions on their own or self sooth.
Second, if you look closely and maybe keep an eye for this pattern, your ex is rescuing your D and persecuting you, you'll probably notice this pattern often. I think that it helps to identify these traps, I'm not saying to point them out but to be indifferent and to stay in the middle
Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama TriangleLastly, say things once, validate what is valid and don't validate the invalid, so if your ex keeps bringing up the same issues after it has been discussed, don't validate by repeating yourself, I'll say things once, sometimes twice but if my ex wants to bait or is she is dysregulated, I don't say anything else about the subject. I hope that helps.
COMMUNICATION: Validation - tools and techniques