Mom has BPD symptoms

[What now]

My mother does nothing but criticize me. I am becoming depressed again. I must stay here because of her failing health.

[Panda39]

Hi What now,

Welcome to the BPD Family    I'm glad you found us.

I don't have a BPDmom, I'm here because my SO (significant other) has an uBPDxw (undiagnosed BPD ex-wife) but I have a critical and controlling mother too.  I know how hurtful those insensitive comments can feel.  It took me a long time but I finally figured out that those comments were more about her and her issues than they were about me.  She wanted someone that would be the perfect reflection of her ideal child.  She and I view what that ideal child is in very different ways.

Getting to that place came with the realization that I am a good person, a smart person, a competent person, a caring person and yes a sensitive person.  I have many people in my life that like/love me just the way I am.  I don't have to be the way my mother wants me to be in order to be a good person or to be loved.  I've realized that I have a mother that reacts first (and often not well) and then thinks later, as well as a mother that is not a sensitive as I am so her approach can feel heavy handed. 

So I now don't tell her about everything, I keep conversations more general and don't let her in on the stuff closest to me.  When she does criticize I just let it roll off and think to myself "This is about her (her opinion, her idea of what's right or wrong, her need to be seen as perfect etc... .) and this is not about me and who I am.  My mom will never be the mom I want her to be and I will never be the daughter that she wants me to be.  I have accepted that and work with her within that perspective.

I'm sorry you are stuck and feeling depressed it's hard taking care of a parent and it's made doubly hard when all you get is verbal abuse.  Try taking time away when you can or do something you enjoy don't forget to focus on you and take care of you.  This does not make you selfish, this allows you to recharge and you deserve and need that.  Do you have anyone that can help or is helping you with your mom?  Maybe taking turns with someone else could give you a break?  Would you consider talking with a Therapist at least for the duration you have to stay with your mom?

I hope you will share more of your story... .a little history, more about the current situation, what about other family members etc... .

Keep posting the members here are great at listening, supporting, giving feedback and ideas.

Take Care,
Panda39

[nenarox2]

My mother does that too. I am sorry you are depressed on top of it. This cannot end well unless you get help. This community is great for that. You are NOT ALONE!

[Naughty Nibbler]

What now: 
I'd like to join the others in welcoming you!

I'm sorry that your mom is so critical.  Are there any other possible options, other than you living with your mom? 

There are some good links to helpful information to the upper right of this post.  The links below lead to some specific information that will likely be helpful (just click on the green words):

FOG - DEALING WITH FEAR, OBLIGATION AND GUILT
SETTING  BOUNDARIES
SET - COMMUNICATING WITH SUPPORT, EMPATHY AND TRUTH  

Setting boundaries can be very important.  It may not be easy, but consistency can pay off. Learning the various communication skills can pay off as well.  

Check out a couple of lessons and let us know what you think.

[Turkish]

It sounds like you are her caregiver.  Does she actually need one,  or does she just refuse to take care of herself and you feel guilty to stay (living with her I assume)?