Non's...how are you filling the emotional void in your relationship?

[Hmcbart]

Lockjaw, your comment about the punishment not fitting the crime describes my wife very well.  I have had that discussion with her a few times when it comes to disciplining the children.  She doesn't hit but the verbal can be horrible.  Then they we get grounded for months for a tiny infraction to her ever changing rules.  I finally grew a pair a few years ago and put a stop to it.  I had the discussion with my teenage son that I always know what's going on and if I feel his mom is over reacting I will put a stop to and basically render her decision null and void right on the spot. I do this with great fear at the repercussions to myself.  She does not like it but gets past it. 

My punishment for protecting the kids from unjustified punishment is the silent treatment and withholding of any and all affection.  Only after I stop reacting to it and stop asking for the love and affection does she switch back.  The push pull is kind a punishment tactic for her I feel. 

As far as filling my own needs. The friends I'm still working to build again.  I have very few and just moved to a new city and state so I'm basically starting over.  I'm learning to validate myself but it is very hard as I've always been overly critical of myself. When it comes to sex and intimate needs, I have really just given up.  I'm 45 and been with my wife for 20 years.  I can't even picture myself with anyone else because I fear I'm so screwed up mentally from everything that I learned to do over the past 20 years.  It would be like trying to unlearn how to walk. 

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