At 43 I just realized my mom has BPD

[Someday maybe]

I can't believe it took me this long to see that my mother has a mental illness. Im am only child and my father died when I was two. It was just me and my mom with rarely any contact from other family members who lived far away. I moved 30 times before I went to college. My mom had 10 different partners, some men, some women. She was erratic and high conflict. She yelled often and was dramatic and sometimes terrifying. In August, she threatened my 3 year old and threw a cup of water in his face. Her energy was psychotic and her words and actions towards him were abusive. She continued acting crazy while staying at my house for two days and then left to fly back across the country suddenly because my spouse and I approached her about the incident and she said she felt unsafe and had to leave. I was terrified of her. She's so emtotionally erratic and unpredictable, one minute I'm amazing and she's so proud of me and the next I'm a piece of ___, or a slut, or... .she does a lot of splitting and projecting. I haven't spoken to her since August. I saw myself as a toddler in my crying sons eyes when his grandma scared him to death. I feel like I lost my mother at that moment. Or the hope of what I thought was a relationship that had just been closer and better than ever, just a day before. I don't know how to have her in my life at all or if I can. I cannot leave her alone with my kids ever again.

[Mutt]

Hi Someday maybe,

 

I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that your toddler had to go through that, poor guy.

I can't believe it took me this long to see that my mother has a mental illness.

Don't be hard on yourself, only a professional can diagnose a mental illness. I grew up with a mentally ill parent, my father isn't BPD, he displays traits of an anxiety disorder of some sort, my home and how I grew up was my benchmark, I didn't have anything else to compare it to, it was normal for me.

You have the right idea with not leaving your S3 with her, maybe things will change when he's older and it won't be permanent. That's sad to hear that it feels like you lost both parents, are you in no contact with her or low contact?