wishing parents were dead

[426Phoenix]

Hello there. I am the child of BPD parents. My mother has managed to alienate all three of her children. I am the oldest of the three. I was the one who was always there for the. The old "honor thy mother and father"thing. I was told by my mother that the only reason she stayed married to m father was that she was pregnant with me. I feel that she resented me my entire life. My father told me that I would never amount to anything in life. He told me one Thanksgiving that I was a failure in life because I wasn't married and didn't have a family. I did not know what responsibility was. I just retired after 37 years with the US Government. It was a very responsible job yet in his eyes I was a failure. Every Thanksgiving my father would abuse me emotionally by telling me what a failure/disappointment I was to him. My mother did nothing. This holiday is very stressful - more than usual.

[Mutt]

Hi 426Phoenix,



I'm sorry to hear about your childhood   It's painful when people that should love you unconditionally, critique you and don't validate the good things that you. Good people have bad qualities and bad people have good qualities, we're not all one thing or the other. Your post made me think about my dad, it's interesting how it can go on for years, having a distorted perception. How is your r/s with your siblings?


PS. You can find the lessons on the right side of the board  

[Harri]

Hi and welcome.  There is a a lot of pain in the title of this thread.  I think at least several of us can relate to the feeling or wish for our parents to die.  I know I felt that way for many years and felt a great deal of relief when they did die.  Feelings just are and it is okay to feel that way.

Congrats on retirement!  Retirement can be an exciting and very stressful time in life especially when there are family issues to deal with.  I find having too much time to be a real liability, though I am not working due to health issues.  :)o you think the stress of retirement is making this thanksgiving particularly difficult?  I see you posted on the thankging/holiday thread so you can see you are not alone.

As Mutt said, there are lessons on the right side that come un the heading of the Survivors Guide.  Each are clickable.  There is also a post stickied at the top of this board that contains Lessons and links to lots of useful articles and posts.  Maybe after you read and poke around a bit you will post more details?  This is a safe and accepting place for you to talk.

Hope to hear more from you soon.  Take good care of you.

[Jumpy stripes]

Hi 426Phoenix,
I want to thank you for posting. I too have said I wish esp my mom would die.  Your troubles are different from mine, yet I feel comfort hearing you express similar feelings. I have just this month realized what is going on and that it isn't our fault for feeling this way. We were raised with situations that we responded to.

 What do you want to get out of this board?  I think every person has different expectations, and that is one thing I know no-one has asked me!  So since I want to communicate with other people, i want to be the first to ask you!  Happy Thanksgiving by the way!  Are you doing something today you enjoy?  Eating something, going somewhere, watching something on tv... .  I am a simpleton asking these questions!  I really do like to talk!

[426Phoenix]

I wanted to crochet, knit, or make a Barbie doll quilt today. Being creative makes me happy. Instead I spent the day laying on the couch with lower back problems. Took prescription Motrin which knocks me out. 

[Jumpy stripes]

Back problems- aghrrrr. They are not fun. Hope the Motrin has helped. I am also attempting to be creative, I learned to crochet a little, i make wonderful lopsided doileys and I made a really messed up santa hat for a painted gourd. I am currently thinking of making a candle, I have a kit from 7 years ago I havent attempted yet. So until I decide what to do, I flip through tv channels and avoid the sappy holiday shows that make me emotional. Hope you feel better.

[426Phoenix]

Bulging disk problem which gets worse when there is stress. Can't stand these holidays at all.

[Jumpy stripes]

Yes I have only recently realized that the stress causes thise back problems to be worse. Did you get through your Thanksgiving gatherings yet? 

I just got done with a meeting with my parents who are both uBPD's and it is all still my fault. Maybe I will watch a action movie to ight.

[426Phoenix]

Got through Thanksgiving but barely. Really did not want to go - was laying in bed when friend called to talk me into it. I hate this time of the year. Didn't even bring out the Christmas stuff. November is a very painful month for me. I could make a list of the things that went wrong and how I got blamed for them. Christmas is coming up and I want to hide from everyone on that day too. It's just another day for me. 

[Jumpy stripes]

Hi again, well thank goodness for both of us Thanksgiving is over. I survived at my In-laws and didnt even hear from my own parents. This past weekend was hard again and I was grumpy with anyone who came near. I have recently tried a self remedy... .dark chocolate coconut dips from Anthony thomas!  I feel fortunate my addiction is not more than that!  When I am so completly down and out I feel it is better for me to get my mood up and those chocolates do that.

So what has happened for you in the past during November?  Sounds like you are haunted by something aside from your BPD.

Have you found any help from this site or the references?  I got a couple books from the library from the reference list and they make so much sense. Just reading some of them makes me feel like I at least understand more of what is going on.