Would a BPD partner stick to guidelines?

[Hisaccount]

This is something I have been kicking around. I hope to get another shot with my ex BPD partner. I have not had my first recycle yet and before anymore damage is done I was thinking of sitting her down and creating guidelines or a constitution for our relationship.

Any thoughts or ideas if this would work?

I know she wants to be married and married to me, she is just mad at me right now. If the anger ever subsides I want to move forward preventing this from happening again if possible.
Maybe it is not possible to make someone with BPD stick.

I thought I married her for the rest of my life. If she comes back I don't want to ever go though this again.

So I am thinking of making guidelines or a list of safeguards. 
Kind of put in places

This is what I am thinking.

Counseling requested by either party then we have to go.
For us, going to church again.
She must sleep in bed with me again.
One night a week is date night she has to give up everything else and just be with me.
Create a gripe book. Write concerns in that we can track problems and resolution (we used to have something like this)
Then of course whatever she ads to this.

But thoughts, can something like that work, or is that too much to expect from someone whose mind is broken?

I want someone that will always be there for me. For the rest of my life. Until the switch flipped that was her. If she cannot commit then I don't want her back.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[MrWtn1978]

These guidelines could very easily be considered a threat or controlling.  They sound like a good logical set to be used with a non-BPD, but they can't think through them logically.  Their own set of logic might think: Here is a huge list of things I have to do or I will be rejected. I knew I wasn't good enough. There is no why I can live up to all of this... .etc... .

This does not mean you can't have a relationship or those types of boundaries/guidelines.  Have you or your ex ever worked with a counselor who is comfortable with BPD?  What insight did they give on a future together?  I would highly suggest getting a professional involved before restoring a relationship.

It is hard to give up on someone you love, and I pray that you can find a meaningful relationship with them!

[Hisaccount]

You are right, that would place an impossible bar on her. I never thought of it that way.

My wife refuses to see a counselor, together or apart. She is un-diagnosed.
After she filed divorce I went to counseling. I am co dependent. Through that process we discovered that she is BPD.
When I started reading on it, especially on this board, oh yeah, totally her. I could have written 70% of the posts on here myself. At least.

She will not seek help because she is afraid it will hurt her professional reputation.
She owns a business that is failing. First it was the office wasn't nice enough, so I worked on it for months, then it wasn't getting done fast enough so she hired people, then it was her partner, then it was the location and finally it is failing because of me.
So when it fails, or succeeds I hope she does some self examination and gives me a shot again.

Honestly, best thing for me is if she never comes back but we cannot control where our hearts go.

[Lockjaw]

I was going to say I don't think rules help. The reason is they will find a way to make it ok for them to break them. My GF is undiagnosed, and I am codependent also. I have learned that no matter what she does, she finds a way to make it ok. If I keep after her, then she changes tactics and employs "rightious indignation" in an attempt to get me to question my opinion or position. If I stand firm, she gets mad and storms off. even if she eventually realizes she is wrong and I get a "sorry", I still end up hearing about it for a couple days. But if I do that, WOW, the sky just fell.

She won't go see someone either. Counselors are more F'd up then the people they counsel, her exact words.

I told her one day, you know, if you would just tell me that you can do things I can't, and its ok for you to do that, I could accept it. Of course she can't say that either.

These people defy all logic to me. Their ability to justify what they do is staggering. The only way I can get mine to stop is just read her the riot act for days. But that is cruel, and exhausting for me. So I don't do that anymore. I just simply stop communicating for a while. I figure I can let her stew, and I won't stress about things.

And just like you, the best thing that could happen to me is if she ran far away and hid. But... .she won't.