Weird tortures feelings / phenomenon from my ex BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

For the last thirty hours I have felt what I want to say is me ex BPD.  I have been solid with No Contact since thanks giving and out of no where I have been awakened by feelings I swear to God area not mine.  Like she is hurt or in danger...   I have been also studying soul ties because I believe I'm an empath...   Which is wicked twisted if you are a codependent like I am...   I said some prayers and finally just sent an email stating to her what I felt...   Nothing more... .  And then out of no where I felt like a fire in my stomach and the energy went away slowly within an hour... .  I want you to understand that I didn't have this feeling followed by wanting her back but rather so real my heart was pounding and mysterious hands shaking... .  Please give
feedback... .

[James509]

For the last thirty hours I have felt what I want to say is me ex BPD.  I have been solid with No Contact since thanks giving and out of no where I have been awakened by feelings I swear to God area not mine.  Like she is hurt or in danger...   I have been also studying soul ties because I believe I'm an empath...   Which is wicked twisted if you are a codependent like I am...   I said some prayers and finally just sent an email stating to her what I felt...   Nothing more... .  And then out of no where I felt like a fire in my stomach and the energy went away slowly within an hour... .  I want you to understand that I didn't have this feeling followed by wanting her back but rather so real my heart was pounding and mysterious hands shaking... .  Please give
feedback... .

[Julia S]

I have felt similar so I have treated it as if there is a telepathic connection, asking my higher self to address his higher self and sending healing in which I talked them through stepping outside of themselves, looking at the hurt, acknowledging it and letting go of it so it lost it's power. My feelings of depression etc would go almost immediately. But the healing is temporary.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi James509:   
Have you been able to get a new therapist, with your new insurance?

Something to try is to make a draft of an email or written letter, but don't send it.  That can many times help you vent and process feelings, without actually sending the email or letter.

[James509]

   Think About It... .The Borderline and the narcissist. The borderline tends to be dominated mostly by abandonment fears, and the narcissistic person, by fear of the loss of specialness or appreciation.When the promise of that bond is threatened, the borderline responds with blame and attack defenses. The narcissist tends to withdraw, fears a loss of specialness, easily becomes injured or outraged ~Joan Lachkar, Ph.D... .


This is what I mean I made a promise and I believe that's the reason why... .  I promised to never leave them...   I think it's a soul tie... Now that this wound is somehow open right now I don't want to write a mock email...   It's too painful... .  We mean may ex Bpd and I were bothered sexualy abused and I did make that promise... .  It was one I could keep unless I was discarded... .  Ugh... .  I don't want to focus on the care I have for this person because I will become hurt... .

[James509]

I am not in contact with you with here... .  I have stayed true to this... .

[James509]

I have just hit a puss pocket is all... .  The tears are flowing and my system is feeling much more stable... .  First of this since we last talked... .No I have not got another therapist lately... .  I am just processing this with you guys... .  It's intense but I am staying the  course... .  Just a rough nite... .  Oh couple of days... .

[Naughty Nibbler]

What are you doing to take care of yourself at the current time?  :)o you have your new insurance?  Have you been able to get meds again?

[Naughty Nibbler]

 I'm sorry you have had some bad days. Tears can be a healthy way to release emotions.  Are there any other healthy ways you deal with stress?  Perhaps getting some form of exercise?  Any hobbies?

[James509]

Thank you... .  I can see how vulnerable I am again... .  Thank you... .  I will reassess... .  I don't want meds anymore... .  I want to feel this...   I want to own this... .  Cleanly... .  I did however contact my team and they don't have take my type of insurance... .  But I won't stop... .  Thank you...

[Naughty Nibbler]

The links below go to search engines, where you can search for a new therapist.  You can search for the area where you live.  Most of them reference what insurance coverage they accept. 

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/

https://www.findapsychologist.org/