The pain today seems unbearable

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Well everything was going good this morning work up early. Got dressed and ate my breakfast  then left for work. Did some office chores and BOOM all of a sudden I'm feeling very upset and I can't hold back the tears. I am on day 6 of NC and was strong up until today. I don't know what set me off. I am pretty good about blocking my exBP gf from may mind but today WHY? I can't be crying at work. I have to pull myself together so I decided to get on here and voice how I'm feeling.

[WoundedOne]

Well everything was going good this morning work up early. Got dressed and ate my breakfast  then left for work. Did some office chores and BOOM all of a sudden I'm feeling very upset and I can't hold back the tears. I am on day 6 of NC and was strong up until today. I don't know what set me off. I am pretty good about blocking my exBP gf from may mind but today WHY? I can't be crying at work. I have to pull myself together so I decided to get on here and voice how I'm feeling.

[Julia S]

Step outside of yourself, look at you and at her, and the pain, and where it's coming from. Don't try to fight it. Watch it lose its power. Now let go of it and if necessary deal with it later.

[heartandwhole]

Hi WoundedOne,

That is so hard, especially when these storms of emotions catch us in public or at work. It happened to me, too, and I had to pull myself together. 

Later at home, you won't necessarily feel the same, so is it a missed opportunity to feel and let go? Maybe, but as you say, we don't always want to let out our feelings wherever we are.

Perhaps on your lunch break you can go for a brisk walk by yourself? Getting out of the environment may help. Also, distracting yourself with something that requires a lot of focus until you are in a safe place to feel what's coming up.

"Titrating" is also a possibility. That's when we let just a dose of what we are feeling come into our full awareness. You feel and allow that little bit, instead of the whole shebang, which could send you into a protracted episode of grieving and could overwhelm your coping skills in the moment.

Hang in there, Wounded. We understand what you're going through.

heartandwhole

[WoundedOne]

Thx Julia S and heartandwhole

I had myself a little cry and then tried to detach from my feelings. Lucky for me i have small breaks in between my clients to pull self together.

Wow it almost felt like a freight train hit me. Recently I have been nothing but very angry at mY exBP gf but today sadness took me over completely. I don't think Im missing her per say, but flashes of memories stated to bombard my head. And they weren't the bad memories. Memories of her texting me good morning and i love you. Which I know she said but I'm not totally sure if she meant it. But to me they were very real and very loving things to say. I keep going back and forth in my head and wracking my brain wondering what were lies and what wasn't. Like I say I can only be strong so much when it comes to blocking her out of my head. But again this breakup is so fresh that I'm just praying that each day goes faster and faster. As to speed this process up. It is so very hard to give someone up that I still love so much.But I do think after all these breakups this is the last one. Dont get me wrong she is toxic for me and I'm not saying i want her back. I just would love to see that girl I thought was sweet and nice and loving come back and everything be a dream . Im so bummed

[Duped 1]

Dont get me wrong she is toxic for me and I'm not saying i want her back. I just would love to see that girl I thought was sweet and nice and loving come back and everything be a dream . Im so bummed

This is how I feel. I'm approaching 3 mos no contact and I still cry almost daily. Unfortunately that sweet loving girl we knew during idolization is a complete fraud and does not at all represent the ugly person they really are. I have to keep reminding myself of this.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hi Wounded-

What Julia and heartandwhole have mentioned is valuable: we can find a way to feel the feelings without being overwhelmed by them, with a little practice, either by stepping a little aside from them and watching them float by, or feeling them in measured doses, whatever we need to do, remembering we are not our emotions, the only way out is through, and crying is what pain leaving feels like.  Take care of you!

[WoundedOne]

Thank you Duped 1 for your response !

It is good to know others feel the way I do. But it totally sucks that we have to feel this way at all. It comes in waves and makes me feel so off balance. Im taking it one day at a time and doing all the research I can about BPD.
 

[WoundedOne]

Thanks heeltoheal for your words of encouragement .

When my emotions hit in raw doses, it throws me for a loop. I feel better now and am doing more reading and research on BPD to better understand it and my feelings . Im kinda like a bouncy ball right now on the emotional front.

[lovenature]

Hey wounded

Keep reading and learning, you are doing well.

It was very real for her in her reality, and very real for you in your/our reality.