What did I do to deserve this

[statsattack]

I just can't be happy for long periods anymore. I feel like my x is my master of puppets and anytime something makes me happy it's taken away from me

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey  statsattack:  
Check out the links below.  You might find some strategy/tools to help you.

MEMORY MGMT. -  [HAVE POSITIVE CONTROL OVER YOUR MEMORYl]

MEMORY MGMT. - RUMINATIONS

IMPROVE THE MOMENT

[Mutt]

Hi statsattack,

I'm sorry to hear that. Are you self protecting with no contact?

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey stats-

I just can't be happy for long periods anymore. I feel like my x is my master of puppets and anytime something makes me happy it's taken away from me

Consider that "happy" may not be the most empowering of goals, since it's unsustainable and dependent on something else usually.  You might try progress as the goal instead, happiness is created by progress and just kind of shows up, but it's not necessary to be happy in the moment to make progress, and progress is measurable.

So what's the goal?  And how will you know you're making progress on it?

[statsattack]

It's  like any forward progress I make gets stripped and taken away from me.

[fromheeltoheal]

It's  like any forward progress I make gets stripped and taken away from me.

First, what are you progressing towards?  If the goal is clear, yours and untouchable, no one can strip progress towards it away yes?

[lovenature]

Stay NC. Continue learning about BPD. When you are ready, learn about why you valued your disordered partner over yourself. Know that recovery isn't linear, like life in general, so just try to accept the good with the bad.