Good Morning

[iramos]

My wife was diagnosed with BPD 2 years ago. Until a huge recent problem in our lives left us inches from divorce did we finally address the issue. My wife just recently had an affair with a man who she swore she was in love with until she realized it was a fantasy, then had an intimate physical affair with another man in a fit or rage after she asked me to leave. We've been married for almost 4 years, together for 6. Looking back at our relationship, this constant pattern of self destruction, mood swings and arguments now seem to have an explanation. She has her therapist which she sees weekly now, we have marriage counseling every 2 weeks and I have my own therapist. At this point I'm emotionally exhausted. We reconnected and has a whirlwind of love and affection and now the affection is too much for her and shes back to giving none at all. I don't want to leave, we have 3 young children together. But I don't know how much more of this roller coaster I can deal with. It's caused me to have to deal with depression. I don't want to abandon her. Every now and then she shows why I married her and why she's the woman I love. I made a commitment to her for a lifetime, but now I feel alone. Is there anything I can do to help her and our family?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi iramos,




I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this, the push / pull behavior from a pwBPD can feel like crazy making behavior to the non disordered partner. That is good to hear that you're both in MC and you're seeing you're own T, the best strategy is seeing a T concurrently with a support group. Many of us here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support.

Is there anything I can do to help her and our family?

I noticed this, the emphasis on your W but you're emotionally exausted, what do you like to do? What do you for self care? How old are your kids, boys or girls? How are they?

Topic: 6.01 | What does it mean to take care of yourself?

[iramos]

We have a 1 year old, which now we need a DNA test for because she had an affair during his conception or around the same time. We have a 4 year old son together, and my stepdaughter which is 6, who's father, incidentally was the one who could possibly be my 1 year old son's father as well. (There's a long story that goes along with how that affair came to be. More so exploitation on his part against her then anything.) Our kids are close with each other. We treat them with love and affection and we keep them separate from our issues.